I Am About To Have One Less Niece...

[Seshat]

I'm so, so sorry to hear this, Jester.

I don't have any advice you wouldn't have already thought of. Just sympathy.

[Dips]

That's really awful. You probably already suspect this but stealing from family and giving property to a drug dealer sounds an awful lot like someone who is addicted to drugs. The car could well have been payment for drugs. Which is why she was willing to give up her relationship with her mother to get more of whatever she's addicted to.

I have friends and family who have had to cut a child out of their lives because of theft and other destructive behaviors (drugs in some cases, severe untreated mental illness in others). They all had to choose between a child who was still dependent on them and one who was creating a situation harmful to that innocent sibling. I wouldn't wish that choice on anybody, but it's the right choice.

[Jester]

Neither I nor her mother discount the possibility that she is using drugs. However, I should point out that her diva me-first attitude and behavior are not really new, so I also don't discount the idea that she gave the car to the guy just to piss her mom off. Who knows?

In other news, my genius niece left her purse in her car, with the doors unlocked. Naturally, after doing this several times, someone finally stole it. Apparently the thief was an idiot, and used Bug's credit card to make some bill payments. Which are probably in their name. Which led to Bug bitching about it on facebook, and me commenting that karma was a bitch. She liked that comment, probably thinking I was referring to the thief. I was actually referring to both the thief and her.

Also, apparently the drug dealer got pulled over and arrested for (shocker!) having illegal drugs. Either my niece believes that someone called the car in as being stolen, or someone actually did do that, but however that idea came into her head, she immediately presumed that it was her mother that did it. And so called her up to yell at her for it, but since her mom wouldn't pick up the phone when she saw it was Bug, Bug had to settle for yelling at Golf Boy about it, asking how dare Neets do such a thing.

Which, it should be noted, Neets didn't do. Had the car still been in Neets' name and Bug had given it away, sure, Neets might have done that. But since it was in Bug's name, Neets really had no option, and would not have called it in stolen. NOT that she minds this current turn of events, mind you. She finds it quite hilarious and fitting, as do I. And the most hilarious part is that Bug is threatening to sue Neets for calling in the car stolen. I suppose she could do that--you can sue for anything--but you would think she would bother asking the police who called it in, or from what number, before she started threatening legal action. My personal belief is that it was done by someone who doesn't like the guy, or that he switched plates on the car and was using stolen plates, or plates from a stolen car. Or perhaps that Bug just was woefully misinformed or just jumped to conclusions. Who knows? Besides, Bug doesn't exactly have the money to be hiring lawyers to sue anyone, let alone her own mother on something ridiculous like an alleged false police report.

Where oh where did we go so wrong with this child?

[MoonCat]

Family probably didn't go wrong. There are many other things in a child's life that influence her (or him) besides family. Everybody has to make their own mistakes. Let's hope she's just getting all of hers out of the way while she's young, and that she grows up soon!

[taxguykarl]

Where oh where did we go so wrong with this child?

I would tend to place blame Bug herself and the drugs...sooner or later all (90+%) of drug users become criminal sociopaths.

[Dips]

And the most hilarious part is that Bug is threatening to sue Neets for calling in the car stolen.

Oh, good God! I bet the slimeball friend was doing something illegal and covered his tracks by claiming that's why he was pulled over.

Even if Neets had called the police they wouldn't have done anything. Because I'm pretty damn sure that the police would confirm they're speaking with the actual vehicle owner BEFORE pursing a stolen car claim. And Neets, as you've pointed out, wasn't the car owner.

Not to mention that to sue somebody you need to at least claim that the defendant harmed you in some tangible way and specify an amount to compensate you for those damages. It's not Bugs' car any more so she can't claim she lost the use of her property. Bugs wasn't arrested so she can't claim damages from that. Exactly what tangible harm did Bugs suffer form this alleged calling of the police?

The drug dealer friend MIGHT try to claim he suffered harm because of the alleged calling of the police, but again, what exactly would he claim damages for? Being arrested for a crime he actually committed? Yeah, right.

Where oh where did we go so wrong with this child?

As others have said, you didn't go wrong. You can do everything right and still wind up with a kid turning out very differently than what you hoped for. Unfortunately.

[taxguykarl]

The drug dealer friend MIGHT try to claim he suffered harm because of the alleged calling of the police, but again, what exactly would he claim damages for? Being arrested for a crime he actually committed? Yeah, right.

OTOH, that would make a great Judge Judy episode.

[Kristev]

She'd make dumbbunny stew out of him.

[Jester]

I would tend to place blame Bug herself and the drugs...sooner or later all (90+%) of drug users become criminal sociopaths.

First of all, Bug has been a diva bitch (possibly a sociopath?) for years now.

Secondly, there is no direct evidence she is using drugs, or that if she is, it is anything more than recreational. This is not me being a protective uncle...there is little I'd put past Bug right now, to be honest, but I have had more than my share of dealings with druggies, and she is just not displaying the behaviors and characteristics of an addict, or even much of a recreational user, to be honest. Hell, most of her behavior comes down to her acting like a spoiled diva bitch, or as we like to say on this forum, an entitlement whore...she seems to think the world in general, and her parents in particular, owe her something. Actually, everything. For what, I do not know.

Finally, a semantic issue: no one "becomes" a sociopath. You either are one or aren't one. You can become a criminal, certainly. But short of suffering brain damage at some point in your life, it is unlikely one would "become" sociopathic. And, as with druggies, I have had some experience with sociopaths, in many ways.

I bet the slimeball friend was doing something illegal and covered his tracks by claiming that's why he was pulled over.

I don't know precisely WHY he was pulled over. However, I DO know that part of the reason he was arrested was because (surprise!) they found illegal drugs in his car.

Even if Neets had called the police they wouldn't have done anything. Because I'm pretty damn sure that the police would confirm they're speaking with the actual vehicle owner BEFORE pursing a stolen car claim. And Neets, as you've pointed out, wasn't the car owner.

Two points on this. One, playing Devil's Advocate, I should point out that Neets was the former owner of the car, and the mother of the girl in question. In other words, she would have been able to produce any and all necessary information over the phone to "prove" she was the car's owner. It would not have been tough at all. She DIDN'T, but she COULD have.

Secondly, you are presuming a level of competence and efficiency in police officers and police departments that is hardly universal. There are, in the Phoenix areas, some PD's that are known for being less than their brethren. I don't know which municipality the alleged theft would have been reported in, or the reputation of all the potential PD's, but let's just say I wouldn't be surprised if one of the local PD's in that area did, in fact, follow up on just an anonymous claim.

It's not Bugs' car any more so she can't claim she lost the use of her property.

Well, maybe. After all, I have mentioned that Bug is hardly the most responsible person out there. Wouldn't surprise me at all if she had not actually gone through all the necessary legalities of transferring ownership of the vehicle from herself to the drug dealer. Frankly, I'd be surprised if she HAD done this. Which, technically, would make the car still her property.

[Dips]

Well, maybe. After all, I have mentioned that Bug is hardly the most responsible person out there. Wouldn't surprise me at all if she had not actually gone through all the necessary legalities of transferring ownership of the vehicle from herself to the drug dealer. Frankly, I'd be surprised if she HAD done this. Which, technically, would make the car still her property.

Which makes Bug's case even more ludicrous. Because she might have a claim against the drug-dealing asshole for using her car to transport drugs or the police for not checking the title IF it was reported stolen (which I'm guessing is very unlikely, but still could be).

But threatening to sue the former owner for calling the police? When she won't be able to prove Neets called the police (because she didn't)?

I can see why Neets isn't worried about this. She might be caught between being pissed off and laughing at how ridiculous it is, but not worried.

Whatever the reason is for Bug's behavior, her mom does not have to put up with it. Nor do you. She's of age. If she wants to make poor choices the consequences are ALL hers. Mom and Uncle Jester aren't going to rescue her from those consequences any more.

[Jester]

I can see why Neets isn't worried about this. She might be caught between being pissed off and laughing at how ridiculous it is, but not worried.

Actually a fair description of her actual reaction to this. Not so much pissed off as annoyed, but definitely laughing about the ridiculousness of it.

[Jester]

Update!

Not surprisingly, the car in question was impounded by the cops, as I expected it would have been. While Bug, as the legal owner of the vehicle, could easily have gotten it out of impound immediately for not that much money, she said screw it and let it sit there. Since they charge more each day it is in impound, it has now become a pointless idea to try to retrieve it, as it would cost more to do that than what the car is actually worth. Chances are that at some point, they will simply sell it at auction. I have no idea if this will affect Bug directly, creditwise or otherwise, and forgot to mention this possibility to Neets when I talked to her earlier today. We shall see.

In other news, Neets believes that the Drug Dealer, though pulled over and with he car impounded, somehow managed to avoid arrest, as she can't find him anywhere in the system. My guess is that she isn't looking in the right place, his file hasn't been updated yet, or that he was let go and had the car impounded because he either didn't have the right documents (driver's license, etc.) or because he couldn't prove it was his car. Who knows?

Also, Bug has bought a new car. This was not a surprise, as she had been looking to do so anyway, which is why she had given the original car to the Drug Dealer. After careful thought and preparation, Neets and Crow (Bug's father) determined that the maximum monthly payment that Bug could afford was about $250. Crow and Bug found a car matching these specifics, but when they got to the dealership, it turns out that the dealer had been fucking with them, and the car would now be $291 a month. Crow got up, said "We're leaving," and walked out, assuming that Bug was right behind him.

She wasn't.

What she did do was stay there another three hours (trying to negotiate? I dunno) and then accept those numbers and signed the paperwork to get the new car. Just what an irresponsible 19 year old new mother with no real sense of value or money needs: a brand new car, with 8 miles on it when she drove it off the lot. (For comparison, I have never owned a car with less than 50,000 miles on it when I bought it.) Apparently Bug has no problem ignoring relevant facts, such as the glaring one that she can't really afford this car. Neets tried to talk her into taking it back to the dealership, but not surprisingly, Bug is being a stubborn ass on this point.

Well, at least she is adjusting to being a new mother, and is learning some responsibility from that change in her life, right?

No.

Apparently she sees no problem with leaving her six month old son at daycare for upwards of 12 hours, not just while she is working, but so she can go out with her friends. According to Neets, Bug treats the Z-Man as an accessory, and most of the time can't be bothered to truly take the effort that a mother should. Most new mothers can't bear to be separated from their child for more time than they have to...Bug, apparently, can't be bothered to take care of him more time than she has to.

I suggested to Neets that she sue for custody, but as she pointed out to me, with a 19 year old out of the house and still raising her 7 year old, she has spent her entire adult life raising children, and frankly, she doesn't really want to start again. Is this a bit selfish? Yes. But Neets has spent her entire life being unselfish and helping others, so I can't really fault her for this. (Don't get me wrong....if Z-Man was in serious danger, Neets wouldn't hesitate to take him in or try to get custody if she thought there was no other recourse.) Neets thinks it would be far better if Bug's father Crow raised Z-Man, as he and his new wife have themselves a new child, about the same age as Z-Man. I agree with Neets' assessment of this, but really don't see Crow suing his oldest daughter Bug for custody of her child.

I made a prediction to Neets that I told her I hope I'm wrong about, and that is that Bug will, before her 21st birthday, have acquired a criminal record. Neets shared my belief that this will come to pass.

In upbeat news, it is only 10 days until I will have a chance to meet my new grand nephew. Assuming Bug hasn't accidentally left him at the mall by then.

[AnaKhouri]

I don't think Neets is being selfish. She's raised her kids (is still raising one). There is no reason she should have to raise her irrespinsible, immature child's kid too.

[Andara Bledin]

The issue of Z-Man's situation might be something to discuss with Crow. He, too, has some interest in the child, and I'm not sure how he could be unaware, but it's possible that he's got blinders on and isn't realizing just how badly she's neglecting the little guy.

^-.-^

[Bella_Vixen]

In upbeat news, it is only 10 days until I will have a chance to meet my new grand nephew. Assuming Bug hasn't accidentally left him at the mall by then.

I laughed til I cried at this. Not that I don't appreciate the overall seriousness.