Why I want to elope.

[Aislin]

My bf and I have been together 4 yrs, he proposed and I said yes of course. But he was hesitant to have a wedding. I didn't mind eloping but with a little discussion we agreed to have a small wedding in my families back yard. It took 3 months for him to tell his family we were engaged because they are super possessive of him. They are invited but the wedding isn't for OVER 8 months.


His mother informed today there are 200 or so people she wants to invite. We have a cap of 30 people at the wedding and a strict stipulation of NO KIDS ALLOWED as my parents have a deep therapy pool that can't be secured.

She says that we need to invite all these people because they all have invited her to their weddings and their kids wedding. She says they won't come but I have my doubts. The bf is popular with his old community and is the golden boy of his family.

I want to elope now. I am so fed up. Sh wants us to register for gifts. We don't want or need anything. My parents are hosting my wedding and I feel like they should have a say in who is invited. It is going to be super simple and I feel like she is trying to take over. I cant afford a big wedding and nor do I want one.

I want to strangle her. I explained my point of view and she says, I am not listening that these people that she wants to invite won't come. I dont agree. if even 1/8 the people she wants to invite come I will be overwhelmed.

She acts like I am being a bridezilla. I'm not. I want my immediate family and my 2 best friends to be there. the bf is inviting his 2 best friends and his mother and sisters. of course those people will bring their partners so the guest list filled up pretty fast. I know this is her only son but it took me 3 months to get HER invited to my wedding and now I am regretting it.

[Bright_Star]

Do the justice of the peace thing. & if they get pissed because they missed out then it'll suck to be them. They're NOT the ones who are getting married, YOU are. Do what YOU want, let them know & DON'T back down!

[NorthernZel]

Hm, perhaps time for bf to speak up? If your MIL refuses to listen to you, maybe she'll listen to him.

Also, you might consider a compromise wherein the ceremony itself is for closest relatives only, and later on, when you and your SO feel able to, have the reception.

Heck, maybe even reverse it and have a large engagement party before the wedding itself. That's what I and Mr Zel did - invited all our friends to an informal reception a week before the wedding, had closest relatives attending the ceremony, whereafter we said "please have Lil'Zel overnight, kthanxbai" and went out having dinner on our own.

[fireheart]

Pretty much what Bright_Star said.

It's YOUR big day. Not THEIR big day. THEY are not the ones getting married.

You have every right to be angry with your fiance's mother. She seems like the type who wants to have a good "social standing" in HER community. And if he's the "golden boy", why isn't she listening to HIM?

[csquared]

Sounds like you are getting a Monster-In-Law. If BF does not get a backbone, this is what the rest of your marriage is going to be like.

Tell future MIL that if she wants to host a reception for all these people, she can do so the week after the wedding. Don't let her force you to change your plans.

[AccountingDrone]

Do the justice of the peace thing. & if they get pissed because they missed out then it'll suck to be them. They're NOT the ones who are getting married, YOU are. Do what YOU want, let them know & DON'T back down!

Pretty much what Bright_Star said.

It's YOUR big day. Not THEIR big day. THEY are not the ones getting married.

You have every right to be angry with your fiance's mother. She seems like the type who wants to have a good "social standing" in HER community. And if he's the "golden boy", why isn't she listening to HIM?

Sounds like you are getting a Monster-In-Law. If BF does not get a backbone, this is what the rest of your marriage is going to be like.

Tell future MIL that if she wants to host a reception for all these people, she can do so the week after the wedding. Don't let her force you to change your plans.

All of these. We eloped. Best thing we ever did.

[trailerparkmedic]

I didn't elope. I did do a Justice of the Peace thing with a nice dinner afterwards, with just our parents and siblings. A week before we had our "reception" with friends, which was basically a bar crawl. It was classier than it sounds, and SO much fun. We wore fun clothes to both (I got married in a green dress), we didn't have to stress and it was the best decision we could have made. It took my mom a few months to get over it, but she did.

Now, if you and your fiancee want a traditional wedding, go that route. But if both of you want to elope or have a small wedding, go for it. "No" is a complete sentence and does not need explanation. "I want to invite 3000 people to the wedding." "No."

Like others have said, this is what life with your MIL will likely be like. Talk with Fiance about how you want to handle things. Generally it works better for most couples when he takes a more active role than you.

[Jester]

"I am disinclined to acquiesce to your request. Means no."

She says that we need to invite all these people because they all have invited her to their weddings and their kids wedding.

And the next time she gets married, she can invite all of those people and their kids to her wedding.

However, this is YOUR wedding. You and your fiance's. Not hers. Not mine. Not Lindsay Lohan's. YOURS. No one else's. Which means exactly two people have any say in the guest list: you and your fiance. Perhaps some say also for the people hosting the event, who are your parents. Who are, unless I missed something, still not her.

So tell her she has two choices. 1. She can abide by your wishes regarding the guest list. 2. She can watch her only son elope, and not even be there for his wedding. It comes down to her deciding whether it is more important to be at her son's wedding or to get her way.

If she still ignores you and insists on inviting the Joneses, the Andersons, the Smiths, the Mayor, the City Council, the Fire Chief, the Dog Catcher, and the Belle of the Ball, thank her for making the decision so easy, as you now see that you must, in fact, elope.

Also, I agree with the others that your fiance needs to sack up and tell his mom most if not all of this shit. As long as it's you against her with him being the Mute Groom, she is NOT going to get the message.

[Merriweather]

First, this isn't just about one day. This is about your entire future relationship with her. Let her chose what type of wedding you have, and no decision in future will be totally your own. You and hubby both have a week off and want to go to the Bahamas - she'll want you to visit them or other relatives or go somewhere with them. Want to spend Christmas Day with your parents, and Christmas eve with her? Nope, it'll have to be the other way around. If you have children (now or later), want them to have limited amounts of toys - she'll give them the whole toy store. Want to raise them as vegetarians - she'll give them hamburgers. Honest, if you don't say NO on the very first major "misalignment of priorities", it will never end. And actually, it should be your BF that makes this clear to her, not you. Trust me, making sure that she is totally aware that you and your new hubby will make your own decisions from this point on is an absolute must, if you want to be able to do just that in future. You can be sweet, you can be nice, you can offer other ideas - but stand your ground on the main issue.

If you feel she's in other ways a very sweet person, and if you are so inclined, you might say no with a compromise thrown in. Such as, this is the wedding you want, you will invite all guests, case closed. However, if she wants to throw a reception type party at some point (her expense, her planning, all you have to do is show up) where she can invite anyone and everyone she's ever known, then fine. But the actual wedding is for what you want. She had her wedding, that was her one chance. This is yours. Have the wedding you want, and (if you have no problems with it) let her have the party she wants soon after.

But trust me, be it parents or in-laws, they need to know from the very beginning that all decisions will be yours and yours alone. Set up the boundaries, and life can go smoothly. Let them overstep them once, and the whole fence comes down.

[tropicsgoddess]

The wedding is about YOU and YOUR FIANCE. You two have the final say on the wedding. Don't back down and tell your fiance he needs to strap on his boots and stick to his guns with his mom.

[taxguykarl]

She says that we need to invite all these people because they all have invited her to their weddings and their kids wedding.

HUH!? Someone please explain that logic. Exactly how does this factiod obligate you?

Do the justice of the peace thing. & if they get pissed because they missed out then it'll suck to be them. They're NOT the ones who are getting married, YOU are. Do what YOU want, let them know & DON'T back down!

Agreed. Say: HELLO VEGAS!! My sister did. If it wasn't my first then GF (now Mrs. TGK) and I would have as well. Needless to say, we did not invite all of those who our respective families said we "had to invite". I told them that they could take it up with the local fire marshall. Come to think of it, even then we were gambling on most of my cousins not attending.

[Aislin]

I am so angry right now. Talked to the fiancee. He told her that she didn't get a say and she called me to try and get her way. I'm DONE. There will be NO Wedding. We are eloping. In august I will have a sit down with his family and him and we will break it to them in person that we are eloping due to their constant interference.

[Giggle Goose]

I am so angry right now. Talked to the fiancee. He told her that she didn't get a say and she called me to try and get her way. I'm DONE. There will be NO Wedding. We are eloping. In august I will have a sit down with his family and him and we will break it to them in person that we are eloping due to their constant interference.

Great news!! His mom will get over it. What is she going to do, demand an anullment after she finds out you guys eloped?

I'm getting married too, and while my in-laws aren't (too) crazy I'd looooove to do the same as you. The whole thing is just too much stress for ONE FREAKING DAY!

[cashierbex]

I would probably get the same thing if I got married, but from my family. I would just go to the courthouse and be married there. Just have someone take pictures for me. But that depends on if I really wanna be married, my spouse, and if it becomes legal for me to be married .

My roomies did it that way and we went to Denny's afterwards for breakfast cause I was cheap . They will do a little party in a couple of years when they can afford to.

Your MIL is a piece of work. Thankfully your bf didn't turn out that way. Her standing in the community does not affect you guys in any way shape or form. Its low that after he talked to her that she was trying to convinve you otherwise. Pathetic.

[Rodimal]

We eloped to Vegas to avoid a big wedding (and my MIL) and all the other hassles that go with it. It was just three of our friends, my parents and us. It was a blast and the best choice for us. We still wish my wifes dad could have been there, but it couldn't be helped.

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