Vacation?...Why Do I Feel MORE Stressed?

[Sarlon]

with two older siblings and a tendency to be shorter then average, and us not getting a fancy automatic dishwasher till I was in my mid 20s, we grew up doing dishes, taking out the trash, bringing in the laundry (did I mention no dryer except at a laundry mat until about the same time we got a dishwasher), helping with the yard work, helping keep the house clean.

Granted mom normally did the laundry, but we were resposible for putting it out to dry, bringing it in, folding it, and either putting in the right rooms (they didn't make us put away each others laundry or my parents laundry).

Dishes, sister would wash, I'd put away.

I vaccumed twice a week (mostly hard wood or tile floors).

didn't get an allowance until I was 10, BUT I still had to earn it, dishes, trash, vaccuming, laundry, helping keep the house clean.

only time you got out of house work is if you were so sick you were bed ridden (had the flu at 6 years old that nearly developed into pneomonia.)

[dalesys]

I was washing dishes from the time I was so short that it was easier to sit on the counter with my feet in the sink than to stand on a chair

... I was only 4'8" on my 14th birthday...
... and I'm not saying how old I was when I was intoe sinks...

[kpzra]

Even my 2 year old helps put the dishes away. She opens the dishwasher and hands them to me one by one.

[Seraph]

We always had chores as kids, but at about 10, I was told I would start helping with the laundry and dishes. Not ASKED, mind you. TOLD. I wasn't given a choice in the matter, unless by "choice" you mean I had one choice: that I would do it. There was no other option.

Exactly. Heck, I was babysitting when I was 12, and got an actual "job" when I was 14.

I have nothing witty to say about this. I just had to tell you how awesome I thought that phrase was. Thank you for that!

You're welcome, LOL. My husband says "its disturbing how many times she calls upon the pantheon of refryment. Must be a southern thing."

Hmmm...how is it that the Ex knew that Nephew was a liar, but despite all the evidence throughout the vacation, no one else in the family caught on to this little manipulator's act?

Let's put it this way. I mean, this is a complete different story altogether, but their family is so good at being in complete denial and being sheep, that when SIL saw me talking a lot with Ex, because, you know, we have a LOT in common, she automatically assumed we were having an affair. And she promptly told half of their family that we were probably doing so. It took months for it to filter down to my husband, who promptly and flatly denied it. And another month for him to finally tell me she suspected that. (He's gotten a LOT better about telling me about such stupidly important things, now.)

So yeah, not surprising to me in the LEAST, they're all a bunch of Baby Ruth bars when it comes to this sort of thing.

PM me with your area and your budget, and I will find you a good spa that you can afford. You deserve it.

Sure thing, LOL....I'm kinda lost with trying to figure this stuff out.

I had chores from the time i was like... 7? I had to clean up my room and put my clean clothes away at an even younger age....

chores are not abuse - its teaching basic responsibility and independence

Yeppers, I never got allowance either, and my mother did the quarter test on my bed every day. I bet nephew would spontaneously need a change of pants if his mom did that to him.

[Treasure]

Yeah, my parents never gave me a second option. It was merely presented as fact that this WAS what was going to happen. Period. It was UNDERSTOOD that any second option I might think of would end badly. For me. But yeah, we were not given options. This was The Way Things Were.

And because they presented things that way to each of us at such a young age, that is how things went. Did we talk back, and argue, and disagree with certain things? Of course. Did we do our fucking chores? Yep. (Well, for the most part. My lawn mowing chores often went very, very neglected. I HATED mowing the lawn. But overall, we knew who was in charge, and the vast majority of the stuff we were told to do, we did. Which is clearly more than can be said for Nephew.)

As my parents put it "This is NOT a democracy, it is a Benevolent-Dictatorship; your level of compliance dictates my level of benevolence...."

I had chores from the time i was like... 7? I had to clean up my room and put my clean clothes away at an even younger age....

chores are not abuse - its teaching basic responsibility and independence

[tropicsgoddess]

Your nephew hit his mom and she didn't do jack all about it?!! It's high time he gets his ass shipped off to boot camp! If nothing is done about his behavior now, he'll be one giant mess and in prison for sure later on!

[Jester]

Yeah, my parents never gave me a second option. It was merely presented as fact that this WAS what was going to happen. Period. It was UNDERSTOOD that any second option I might think of would end badly. For me. But yeah, we were not given options. This was The Way Things Were.

And because they presented things that way to each of us at such a young age, that is how things went. Did we talk back, and argue, and disagree with certain things? Of course. Did we do our fucking chores? Yep. (Well, for the most part. My lawn mowing chores often went very, very neglected. I HATED mowing the lawn. But overall, we knew who was in charge, and the vast majority of the stuff we were told to do, we did. Which is clearly more than can be said for Nephew.)

[Kheldarson]

We always had chores as kids, but at about 10, I was told I would start helping with the laundry and dishes. Not ASKED, mind you. TOLD. I wasn't given a choice in the matter, unless by "choice" you mean I had one choice: that I would do it. There was no other option.

Oh no, there's another option there: my mom introduced me to it well. It's called a world of pain and THEN you still get to do it. >.<

[Jester]

Oh, where to begin.....

Not the puppy, no. Poor little thing is a pain, but it's clear it's due to his owners being either clueless or careless, take your pick.

Ok, so onto Nephew.

Perfect! Let's start with the Villain!

Nephew is TICKED that he can't always get what he want.

He's going to learn that in life, you CAN'T always get you want. I am, for example, still waiting for that date with Kirsten Dunst. And that's not even close to my biggest disappointment. This kid is in for a world of karmic disappointment bitch slaps.

He was only TWELVE, he's not supposed to have to help out around the house!

We always had chores as kids, but at about 10, I was told I would start helping with the laundry and dishes. Not ASKED, mind you. TOLD. I wasn't given a choice in the matter, unless by "choice" you mean I had one choice: that I would do it. There was no other option.

SIL tried interjecting several times, but stopped after he kept yelling "shut up, mom!"

I've told my mom to shut up a few times myself. Of course, they were always in a playful, joking manner ("What do you mean Older Sister will be there? Shut up, Mom! LOL"), and never before the age of, oh, say, 19.

Once, at about the age of 14, I made the mistake of telling my mother in anger, "I hate you." Once. Just once. It was the only time in my life I ever apologized to someone immediately after they slapped me across the face.

It's also the only time my mother ever slapped me across the face. And I fucking deserved it. Hence the immediate apology. I was mortified by the realization of what I had just done.

I apologized to SIL for jumping in, and she said "no, no, I have NO authority over him whatsoever, he never listens. You do what you need to do. If you can get him to do something, that'll be more than I can do."

Of course she has no authority over him, because she won't take the authority over him. She is his MOTHER, and yet she apologizes to him when he is in the wrong, and gives him back his shit when he shouldn't get it back. Someone really needs to show that woman that the only way she is going to have any authority over her son and any respect from him is if she takes it by stepping up to the plate and becoming a fucking parent.

Oh. dear. holy mother of refried items.

I have nothing witty to say about this. I just had to tell you how awesome I thought that phrase was. Thank you for that!

"Make me a sandwich!"

There would be several things that might have happened if I had ever said this to my mother. None of them would be good, and none of them would involve her making a sandwich.

I should take the time to point out that my mother had plenty of authority over me, despite the fact that she has never topped 5' or tipped the scales at much over 100 pounds. So even though to this day I stand a mere 5'8", I basically towered over her by the time I was a teenager. Exercising authority is not about size. "Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children." It's time this kid's mother starting acting like the all-powerful diety she should be to him. You know, like lightning bolts from the heavens kind of stuff. Or at the very least taking away his laptop and making him apologize when he is a complete fuckwit to others.

And SIL handing him back the laptop, and saying she is sorry. And she goes and makes him a sandwich.

This is beyond spineless. This is her basically TELLING him to step all over her. "Now dear, would you like to wipe your dirty boots on my hair?"

Seriously, does anyone else see Cartman's mother here?

On the way home, I find out that Nephew came back to the group, in tears, claiming I'd screamed at him in the middle of the store, out of nowhere, because he'd "looked at some of the stuff" and I screamed he was going to break it all. Then, I proceeded to apparently rub it in his face that I was buying gelato, and that he couldn't get any because his mother was too poor to buy some.

What. The. Optimus Prime Truck.

Husband had no idea what was going on, but as SIL was getting really upset over it, did the buying of their gelato to try and make some semblance of a peace offering, and a stress reliever for SIL. Little did he know what he was doing.

Hmmm...how is it that the Ex knew that Nephew was a liar, but despite all the evidence throughout the vacation, no one else in the family caught on to this little manipulator's act? Especially your hubs, you had to know that that is not the way you would act. I know, I know....hindsight is 20/20. But in the future, I would suggest that the whole family treats anything that comes out of Nephew's piehole as suspect until proven otherwise.

And yeah, I don't think next year we'll be going with them. At the very least, I won't go unless the puppy doesn't come along (or she'd better be trained by then), or unless my 2 BILs come along.

I wouldn't go if Nephew was going to be there. No chance!

I'm generally an easy-going guy, but I'd have found the nearest rope & tied him down until he behaved himself - and if that meant he stayed tied up all week, so be it!

The puppy or the Nephew?

I just stared at her, looked at Nephew, and said "next time I see you hit her, I will knock you out cold."

Anyone else think of the scene from "The Long Kiss Goodnight" where Charlie jumps over the fence with an automatic rifle and surprises the kid smoking a cigarette, take it from him, takes a puff, and says "What have we learned about the dangers of smoking? Give it here. Thanks. Tell anyone you saw me... I'll blow your fucking head off." And after she left, you saw that the kid had peed his pants.

He's never hit her again that I've seen, though. I think I made myself pretty darn clear.

Seraph, aka Charlie Baltimore!

I'll be flipped. There's one with a huge amount of rave reviews just 30 minutes from me.

<looks at their costs> Eeep.

PM me with your area and your budget, and I will find you a good spa that you can afford. You deserve it.

[Jay 2K Winger]

Nephew here is an insufferable little twit. He hasn't been disciplined properly in the past, and his behavior has suffered for it. Right now, he's dealing with parental units who have no spine, and occasionally deals with Seraph, who due to her status as an Enemy of Normalcy, has very low bullshit tolerance.

It's too late to do anything about Seraph's vacation, but in the future, any outings wherein Nephew will play a factor might need to have some ground rules set, especially if Seraph's ponying up some money for the vacation house.

[Seraph]

I think you meant corporal punishment, capital may be a little over the top (although possibly not given his subsequent behaviours). :P

...Whoopsies. My bad. ><

[Kal]

I was enforcing a "capital punishement system she didn't believe in".

I think you meant corporal punishment, capital may be a little over the top (although possibly not given his subsequent behaviours). :P

[taxguykarl]

Wow. What will it take for her to discipline her kids? When he's 16 and he punches her again?

I'm assuming that was rhetorical. But very likely it seems...probably with police involvement as well.

[scary cary]

A couple years back, I think it was a Thanksgiving or a Christmas, Nephew punched SIL. Hard. Actually nearly made her cry.

Wow. What will it take for her to discipline her kids? When he's 16 and he punches her again?

I hope his papa can discipline him because she sounds too weak to do it.

[Seraph]

Try this site....Mrs. TGK would advise avoiding the Mario Tricoci chain--she has nothing good to say about them.

I'll be flipped. There's one with a huge amount of rave reviews just 30 minutes from me.

<looks at their costs> Eeep.