Human Pinata #2. Or, Here We Go Again.

[Dria]

I thank God I got out when my ex-husband started to get violent. Between my support network and having been raised in the knowledge that behavior like that is completely intolerable... I escaped with just a broken heart and watched him get dragged kicking and screaming to prison.

I can only pray Olga can get out too before any further harm comes to her.

[Barracuda]

Hmm. Have you thought of contacting Social Services? Sometimes a social worker can help in these situations, by arranging help for the victim, providing access to counseling, and getting police involved in a constructive way. As for Mr. Psycho coming after you, I don't know your views on carrying weapons, but remember--Florida has a Stand Your Ground law that means you have no duty to retreat if he comes at you in a public place you have a legal right to be. Or in your home. If he does, you are legally justified in stopping him using all and any necessary force to protect yourself from death or serious injury. (Ironically, I would not know this had the Trayvon Martin shooting not plastered that information all over the news.) See Florida Statutes Chapter 776.

[Jester]

Hmm. Have you thought of contacting Social Services? Sometimes a social worker can help in these situations, by arranging help for the victim, providing access to counseling, and getting police involved in a constructive way.

I have considered and discarded the possibility. I know from experience if the victim is not ready to get help, no amount of help offered will make a difference. And too much help offered can make them retreat back into the cocoon of denial that they lived in for so long. So, no, I will not be making those phone calls.

And even if I wanted to, I have neither his name nor their address. And from the way she made me promise not to say anything, I know without question that she would be mortified, embarrassed, and FURIOUS if they came to our work. So, yeah, three reasons why that has to be a no.

As for Mr. Psycho coming after you, I don't know your views on carrying weapons, but remember--Florida has a Stand Your Ground law that means you have no duty to retreat if he comes at you in a public place you have a legal right to be. Or in your home.

I have no issue with carrying weapons. I regularly carry a knife, and somewhere around here I have some mace from a while back. I don't own a gun, and if I did, it would be for recreational use (i.e. gun range target practice) only; I can't for the life of me see myself carrying a firearm on a regular day-to-day basis.

As for the second thing....long before Florida made it law, I had my own Stand My Ground policy. It's very simple, really. I will try to defuse a situation with words or by leaving the situation, if at all possible and/or feasible. If neither is possible nor feasible, and someone has the audacity, temerity, and stupidity to come at me, they will find out quite brutally that I not only stand my ground, I do so quite well. There are a few select people out there who have found out much to their regret that my size is deceptive. Honestly, if this cowardly fucktard did come after me, and pushed the matter, he'd find out just how brutally and violently I can push back.

To quote The Doctor, "Oh, there have been so many. And what you've got to ask is....what happened to them?"


To put it very simply, from what you know of me, would YOU want to come at me?

[Seshat]

Get between you and something/someone you were protecting? Hell no. Not unless I was providing a secondary line of defence AND you knew that was what I was doing.


What I wish upon these monsters is something worse than violence. I wish disease.

I wish them to have the same sort of constant, unending pain and disability that so many of our members (including myself) have.
Yet to have noone around them except people as tough and immune to their mind-games as Kara or Panacea. (Sorry for mentally dumping these 'people' on you two, ladies, but you're the pair who come to mind.)
(Hrm. Jester, you would also likely be immune.)

So they would have noone to take their frustration and pain out on but each other.


Ah well.

My hopes that Olga will see sense, get out, and NOT go back.

[kansasgal]

Hmm. Have you thought of contacting Social Services? Sometimes a social worker can help in these situations, by arranging help for the victim, providing access to counseling, and getting police involved in a constructive way. As for Mr. Psycho coming after you, I don't know your views on carrying weapons, but remember--Florida has a Stand Your Ground law that means you have no duty to retreat if he comes at you in a public place you have a legal right to be. Or in your home. If he does, you are legally justified in stopping him using all and any necessary force to protect yourself from death or serious injury. (Ironically, I would not know this had the Trayvon Martin shooting not plastered that information all over the news.) See Florida Statutes Chapter 776.

On the contacting of Social Services, if the victim is over 18, they can do nothing until the victim comes to them. Even if everyone and their mother is saying that the victim is being abused, they are an adult and Social Services CANNOT do anything unless and until the victim says so. Client Self-Determination is a big thing, and it literally ties our hands in these cases. If the victim is a child or an elderly person, we can intervene. But not in this case.

[Zellie Crescent]

I have read the entirety of Tiny Dancer, to me that song was always sad. If I hear it now I'll have to shut the radio off. I really hope this doesn't turn out the same, I hope she gets out and goes somewhere very far away from him. Even if someone has to keep her away from him.

[Jester]

Good lord, I hope I didn't ruin that song for anyone. I love that song, and find it uplifting and fun and full of hope, which is why I gave my friend that Pseudonym in that thread. (It is not a nickname she ever had in life, mind you.) And when I first gave her that name, it was when we still had hope that the story would end well, not as it actually did end.

And Sarah, I know you said that the song was already a sad one for you, but please, everyone, don't let that story ruin one of Sir Elton's best songs for you. That would add to the tragedy for me, if my random assigning of that nom de plume to my friend ended up doing that.

[Zellie Crescent]

I'm sorry Jester, I didn't mean to upset you.

[Jester]

Sarah, stop. Seriously. You're apologizing for my apology. Which is just silly.

You didn't upset me. I am a bit tougher than that, thank you. I was just somewhat bummed that that story might have caused people to treat that song differently. But shit happens. The story itself is tragic, certainly, but I never intended for anyone to look at that song in a different, more negative light.

True story, one I have not told here before, I don't think....a CSer messaged me to tell me that they had heard Tiny Dancer come on the radio that day, which happened to be the day or the day after they had first read the story about TD. And that made them smile, as they thought it was TD saying hi. And they had to share that with me. And I thought that it was a nice story, but that the person was being a bit silly. And then later that day, while I was chuckling to myself about it, I got in my truck, turned it on....and there was Elton John, singing that song.

And that just got me to smile and think, "Hello, old friend."

If that's not positive, I don't know what is.

[42_42_42]

Speaking as a survivor of domestic abuse, unfortunately, she's not going to make a clean break from this guy until she's really and truly ready to do so. It wasn't until I was convinced that if I didn't get out right then and find some help that I was going to be dead and that I was over being scared and manipulated all the time that I was able to leave and get the help I needed.

As you know, Jester, all you can do is be supportive of healthy decisions and hope and pray that she'll make the final break from him. I can't imagine how painful it must be to be on the outside looking in on a relationship like that.

[Jester]

As you know, Jester, all you can do is be supportive of healthy decisions and hope and pray that she'll make the final break from him.

Not quite true. It's not all I can do.

It is, however, all I can do if I want to remain out of jail.

Pardon me if right now the phrase "justice system" seems a bit hollow.

[Jester]

UPDATE:

Apparently the whole situation is not as secretive as it once was, as several more people at The Bar were aware of it the other day, and Olga seemed more comfortable talking about it a bit with other coworkers. This, however, is not the update.

The fact that he beat her up again a little while ago (not sure how long ago it was) is also not the update.

The fact that she called the police and took out a restraining order on his dumb ass IS the update. Thank goodness for that!

Found this all out yesterday at work. And due to the restraining order, he cannot come within a decent distance of her, which means he can not come to where she lives. That doesn't mean he won't, of course; apparently the fucker tried to break in the other night, but when the police came in response to Olga's call, this great big man that loves to beat up on a tiny woman faced the music as such man always do: in Olga's words, "he ran away." Made us all chuckle when she said that.

So last night, worried that he is going to try to break in again before she gets into her new place (just a few days away, that), she asked one of our coworkers who is a friend of hers, Kay, to escort her home. Kay said she'd do it, of course, but genuinely seemed frightened by the idea.

So I volunteered to escort her home. First, I am bigger than Kay, and secondly, I am far less frightened of a large guy in general and a bully pansy-ass wife beater in particular. And this guy just pisses me off. So once we were done, Olga and I hopped on our bikes, and went to her place.

Well, more exactly, we went near her place. Because she is one smart cookie, and seems to be learning from her mistakes with this douchebag, she parked her bike a few blocks from her place, in a very dark part of a different street. And we walked the rest of the way, both wary and alert, she with her pepper spray ready if need be, and me with my knife in my pocket. Fearless or not, I was not about to fuck around with this guy.

And I got her home, no sign of Crouching Bully Raging Asshole anywhere, and I went home myself. And Olga stopped by The Q today to say hi, and she looked just fine.

So things are looking up. I just hope this story doesn't follow the pattern of the original Human Pinata story, as back then, things were going well too, TD had left her abuser, and was moving on with her life....and then went back to him, and we all know what happened after that.

On the lighter side, I now know his name and place of employment. He, of course, has no idea who I am. Sometime in the future, I might just make his workday less enjoyable than it might normally be.

[42_42_42]

So glad to read this update! I hope things continue to move in a positive direction.

[PepperElf]

I'm glad to see the update as well.

for her and hope everything continues getting better!

[Jester]

Latest update is not much of an update....and this is a good thing!

Olga is in her new residence, and has not heard a peep from her idiot husband, and as far as I know is keeping the restraining order in place, as well as going through with filing for divorce.

So no news really is good news. Hopefully this one does have a happy ending!