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My Heart is Aching....

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  • #16
    Quoth Jester View Post
    folks, this is the way I am, this is the way I've always been, and this is the way I'm going to be, so I hope you can start to try to understand and accept that,"
    That's actually how I've been handling this all along. I haven't once said, "This is how I am so you better just accept it." It's been, from the start, "I know this is hard for you, but this is me and I want to help you to understand who I am." I even told my mom Friday, as she was criticizing my outfit, hair, and makeup, that I was trying to help her get used to the way I am, because if I do as she says and "tone it down," she won't ever get used to it. She can keep it out of sight, out of mind, and therefore not ever adjust. And I stressed that I am trying to HELP her adjust, not FORCE her to.
    "You are loved" - Plaidman.

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    • #17
      I am so very happy that your visits with the kids are getting better. I believe I had shared some issues with my partner's son as well. We are finally seeing him again and working on weekend visits and holiday visits. Keep up the good work and things will get better and better and better.

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      • #18
        Kara, I wasn't saying that you were laying down an ultimatum, just wanted to make clear that IF you were, it might not be a good idea.

        Look, clearly I don't know your parents or the situation as well as you do, but you have to remember that you are asking your parents, who are probably a bit set in their ways, to accept something they've never really even thought about, let alone had to deal with. It's probably a lot for them to do, so I am merely suggesting you be patient with them.

        "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
        Still A Customer."

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        • #19
          Jesters original post made me think of it this way Kara, and so I'll try write it clearly, but I hope it doesn't sound mean or attacking or impersonal.

          From what I've read on your threads, you've known you wanted to be the real you for almost your whole life? (correct me if i'm wrong please ) - Your parent's I'm guessing have maybe had 'indicators' or you've said things to them in that time, but since it was only words and 'odd' (to them) mannerism they could gloss over it. Now that you'r truly being you, its suddenly 'real' to them. So you have a big headstart timewise over them, on the acceptance front. Your whole life, vs a few years for them? It will definitely be hard, but I'm in the "it will happen, but it will take time" camp.
          (If i have anything wrong, please let me know. I only know you from the forum, so if I'm off the mark on anything, I'm sorry )

          And we are always, all here for you
          "On a scale of 1 to banana, whats your favourite colour of the alphabet?"
          Regards, Lord Baron Darth von Vaderham, esq. Middle brother to mharbourgirl & Squeaksmyalias

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          • #20
            I agree with what Jester and Barracuda have been saying. Kara, you do need to give them more time. How long did it take for you to get to this point in your life? In contrast, they've only known about this for 2-3 years. I know you feel you need to move on, but I think they are dealing with a kind of grief and they have to come to terms with it.

            And here's one more thing that I hope might help: Tell me, as gently and lovingly as you can: Mom, Dad, Sis....this is not about YOU. This is not about WHO YOU ARE. It's about ME, about WHO I AM. You need to take a step back and realize that MY gender, MY reality, are NOT ABOUT YOU.

            Hope this helps. I still think you're one really amazingly strong person, Kara!
            When you start at zero, everything's progress.

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