Should I get more involved?

[Pixilated]

You are a hero, and don't put yourself down because of your hesitation: you had two other, more vulnerable, people to consider as well. It's not possible to leave them out of the equation, especially given what this guy is like (even before you found out in horrifying detail exactly what he IS like).

I once lived above a mother and toddler and heard endless screaming and cursing and slamming of doors -- not just occasionally but day after day after day. I had options you didn't: pack up and move (which I was planning to do anyway, to get away from Mommie Dearest) and no offspring to worry about. I taped one session -- set my tape recorder on the wooden floor -- and took the results to the local Children's Aid. They couldn't do much at that time but at least she was now on their radar. (They asked if I thought she was beating the child and I said no, I didn't ... not yet.)

And I hope that bastard gets a really long stint in jail ... where he ends up as Bubba's bitch.

[Akasa]

You saved that girl's life. You may have hesitated to make the call till you were sure your family was safe, but in the end you did call. Now the girl is in a better place and the jerk is getting put away.

[Food Lady]

Everything everyone said. I can't stop crying now. You were God's hand that day.

[PepperElf]

awwwww

so really you saved her life.


*snickt*

And of course that also makes me think of this one too:



I"m glad she's safe.

[Seraph]

Good grief, completely choked up here. Rainman? All my hugs and respect. Thank you for doing the right thing. Seriously.

[CrazedClerkthe2nd]

That's awesome rainman. Sometimes all it takes is just one person. You'd done a great thing and I'm glad you took the risk on it.

[MoonCat]

You are the King of Awesome.

[JustaCashier]

What they all said, Rainman.


I'd suggest keeping in touch with this girl, if you can, as she works on healing from the abuse. I think any and all positive influence will help with the healing.

Also, if you've been itching for a cause to support, perhaps it could be anything to do with preventing/recovering from child abuse.


Mike

[Kristev]

Today, you qualify as my new hero.

[Seshat]

I'd suggest keeping in touch with this girl, if you can, as she works on healing from the abuse.

I completely agree.

Even if it's only as a penpal, and through some anonymising medium (eg, the police); if that's what she wants, or what they think will keep her safe. Not from you! From the possibility of her Dad sneaking into the apartment block and raiding mailboxes or some such crap.

If you do talk with her, make your letters include things you and your family do. Give her a touchstone of a normal, healthy family life. Give her the troubles - and healthy ways to handle troubles - as well as happy times: sometimes abused children get the false idea that a 'healthy' family never has problems.
Other times they think all families have problems, and handle them in the abusive ways.

If you're concerned about the possibility of accidentally triggering a crisis or causing more damage, you can always ask for your mail to pass via her counsellor. But honestly? She NEEDS some crises triggered, so she can heal from the mental injuries that cause them.
And I really, really doubt that anything you do can cause more damage. All you'd ever be doing is revealing existing damage - you're a good person, and talking about the life a good person and a good family have is something she needs; not something that can damage her.

You've started breaking the cycle of abuse in this family. Without you, if she DID survive, she'd know only one way to parent: the abusive way. Now, she has a chance to learn how to live - and how to parent - in a healthy way.

If - and ONLY if - you're willing to, you have the chance to continue to be a part of that healing.

On the other hand, you have done enough. You got her out of it, and into the hands of people who can take care of her.

Go you.

[Rainman]

Thanks everyone, I still feel like I should have acted sooner, but nothing to be done about that now. For those of you who recommended I keep in touch I think that it a great idea! I got a call from her godfather the other day asking about how bad her abuse had been. Apparently she hasn't been as willing to be open with them about it as she was with me and he was wondeing what I knew. That made me feel pretty conflicted I don't want to betray her trust but how would she get better without confronting what happened? It seems like she shouldn't be pushed to deal with too much too soon, but on the other hand no one wants her to repress this and have to deal with it down the road. Anyway I called her godfather back and asked if it was okay if my wife and I wrote her back, we will see how he feels about that.

On the other note, this has definetly inspired me to get involved with some organizations like Big Brothers/Big Sisters. Has anyone here ever had any involvement with groups like them?

[Seshat]

I got a call from her godfather the other day asking about how bad her abuse had been. Apparently she hasn't been as willing to be open with them about it as she was with me and he was wondeing what I knew. That made me feel pretty conflicted I don't want to betray her trust but how would she get better without confronting what happened?

In the long term, she does need someone she can talk to, and trust to not betray her confidences.
But she also needs help with the specific issues caused by the specific abuse.
There isn't really a right answer to that one, which sucks.

Honestly, I suspect you kind of know what you think is best for her, it's just stuck in the back of your mind where you can't get it out yet.
Maybe talking with her, or her godparents, or her counsellor, will help you.
If you do talk with her counsellor, be aware that for reasons both legal and medical-ethics, her counsellor can't tell you a thing about the case. But he/she can discuss your conflict with you, in general terms. And part of a counsellor's training is helping people become conscious of what they already know.