Who Scams the Scammers?

[Geek King]

Me

After I got home today, I got a curious call from a heavily accented fellow representing <something I didn't catch> Computer Security saying my computer was registering a possible error. Glee! I finally got a call from the virus scammers!

I played along as far as it was safe to, because 1) it was wasting their time that they could possibly be finding someone to fall for their scam, and 2) I had an idea of pure evil I wanted to run on them.

After the standard opening spiel about checking my computer for problems, the fellow I'll call Scammy walked me very laboriously through opening Event Viewer to show me all of these terrible errors on my computer. Of course, those errors were perfectly normal stuff, most from a Flash game crashing on me earlier, and me doing a forced shut down of my browser, but Scammy didn't need to know
that I knew that.

After the worst delivery of a concerned voice I've heard, Scammy tried to direct me to a website. This is where danger lies, so I implemented my plan:

Scammy: Baddy McBadGuy
Me: The Ever-Lovin' Geek King

Scammy: I will now put you in touch with our Microsoft Certified System Technician. Please type in <virus-laden website> and press 'OK'
Me: Ok... <totally not doing it, natch>
Scammy: Now, what do you see?
Me: Uh...oh, huh. It says 503 Error. Service not Available. Please contact the owner of this website to report problems.
Scammy: Uh, sorry, what does it say again?
Me: <repeat>
Scammy: <typing heard through phone> Um, could you please try typing that again please? Up in the top bar, address bar? Type <repeats scam virus website>
Me: Yeah, that's what I have there. <reads back fake website that I wrote down for later use>
Scammy: Please hit the enter key please, then.
Me: Ok....no, same as before. Some 503 Error.
Scammy: OK, one moment sir. <typing heard, phone cuts to hold, comes back, more typing> OK, sir? Let's try another website. Type in <another scammy website for my collection!>
Me:OK....oh, that sounds bad.

I will now note that Scammy started getting flustered here. We had been talking for about 30 minutes at this point, and it wasn't going by the script. His accent was getting really bad, and there was a lot of, "What was that?" and, "I didn't get that" that I will cut from the dialog as it was boring even me

Scammy: Sir? Do you see the green webpage?
Me: No, just a message saying "This webpage has been blocked for violations of terms and services. Please have the site owner contact the hosting service in regards to this issue." That doesn't sound right does it?
Scammy: Um.....ah.... One moment sir. <mad typing and clicking>
Me: Sure!
Scammy: Um... <rapid speech in foreign language> Sir please try that site again? Sir?
Me: Alrighty! That was <2nd scammy website>, right?
Scammy: Um, yes sir. That is correct sir. When you have typed that back in to the bar at the top of your browser, please press 'Enter'.
Me:Ok....dubya-dubya-dubya dot <yaddayadda> dot c-o-m <wait a beat> Nope, same message. You sure you're sending me to the right place?
Scammy: Um...........one moment sir.... <dead air on hold>
Me: <Bored now. Time to wrap this up>
Scammy: <Sound again, loud voices close to Scammy talking in foreign language> Sir if we could just try again...?
Me: Well, we could, but this error message sure sounds like real trouble for you all. Are you sure everything's alright on your side?
Scammy: Yes sir, if we could just try...
Me: <cutting Scammy off> Nah, I don't think so. See I do IT at work, and you're a bunch of thieves, liars, and scum-sucking jack asses. I do thank you for the websites, though. I'll be putting those in my workplace's firewall to block all access to them, so at least those won't work for you.
Scammy: Ah-heh-heh <jabbering in foreign language> Ah, yes sir <silence, then sounds of typing and language, another silence, then back with more typing and talking>
Me: <sing-song> I can still heeeeeaaaaar yoouuuuu, you cheap scamming assholes.

<final disconnect>


For my next act, if I ever get another one of those calls, I'm going to see if I can get them to connect to the virus sites this one gave me.

[Sapphire Silk]

Evil. Truly pure evil, oh Jaeger Meister!

The Lady Heterodyne would be oh so proud, as would her vast family line of Evil Spark Overlords

[Jay 2K Winger]

Saaaaay, hyu iz pritty schmott! Hyu musht be Jaeger-General material!

[MadMike]

You're my hero!

[Seshat]

Saaaaay, hyu iz pritty schmott! Hyu musht be Jaeger-General material!

Hyu needz a HET!

Here's a het what sez "Geek King, Schmott Guy!"

[Marmalady]

I'm just awestruck

Wish I'd done something like that when I got the same kind of call a few weeks back

[Kazim]

http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php for those that don't know why the're writhing that way, Just read it, FUUUUUUUUUN

[mjr]

For my next act, if I ever get another one of those calls, I'm going to see if I can get them to connect to the virus sites this one gave me.

Here's one for you...note that I am on the "Do Not Call" registry in the U.S., for all the good that does...

Several weeks back, I kept getting a lot of unwanted scam calls on my cell phone. Fortunately, I keep my ringer off at work, but the exterior screen lights up when a call comes in, displaying the number. In these cases I was expecting a few calls, but not from scammers.

Anyway, I got somewhere in the neighborhood of 12 calls over the course of about 4 hours one day (some from repeat numbers), and I'd had enough.

So I start down the list of numbers that I'd written down. Most of them were disconnected (read: spoofed), but someone finally answered one of them. He asked for someone I'd never heard of. I asked him 3 or 4 times where he got my number, and what company he represented. He eventually relented and told me where he got my number and who he represented. I was pretty agitated at this point, so I told him that now I knew what company he represented, and if I got a call from them again I would file a lawsuit for $100 million.

His response: "Oh, I would not like that!"

Then I told him in no uncertain terms to take my name and number off of his list.

Then, I Googled the name of the company he gave me. I ended up speaking with a manager. I was very firm, but very polite. I didn't yell, I listened to her side, and explained to her my side. I think she understood, because she mentioned something about "checking the floor" (i.e. going to where the call reps are).

All in all, though, she told me that probably what happened is someone went online, and put in my cell number in an online application for a payday loan.

So I very politely asked her to make sure that my number was removed from the list. I thanked her and said, "Have a nice day!"

That was the end of that one.

On a similar but separate note, I did read about a guy in England who would get calls from scammers, find out what business they were with, and send that business a bill for his time. Then, when they didn't pay up, he'd basically take them to the equivalent of Small Claims court. I think he did that a couple of times and got a few hundred dollars out of the scammers.

[MadMike]

Here's one for you...note that I am on the "Do Not Call" registry in the U.S., for all the good that does...

Whether it works against legitimate companies or not, it was never going to work against scammers, who by definition do not obey the law.

I asked him 3 or 4 times where he got my number, and what company he represented.

Don't you love it when they won't give you a straight answer? My son got one of those a couple weeks ago on his cell phone, and they started asking him all kinds of personal information, i.e. date of birth. My son smartly refused to answer any questions, and asked the guy how he got his number. The caller ignored the question, and went back to trying to ask my son questions. My son raised his voice and asked once again how they got his number, and the guy mumbled something about how my son filled out some job application site. If he had really done this, I would think they would have already had the information they were looking for.

So my son decided to have some fun with them. He "transferred" the caller to his "secretary", who barely spoke English. The caller gave up after a couple minutes of that.

[DaisyQueen]

Geek King, I think I just fell in love. That was awesome!!

[PepperElf]

out of curiosity is the weblink he gave you hosted in the US, or hosted by some country that doesn't care if hackers/scammers use their services?

cos … getting their website shut down for REAL would be sweet karma

[Oniontears]

*snip*

On a similar but separate note, I did read about a guy in England who would get calls from scammers, find out what business they were with, and send that business a bill for his time. Then, when they didn't pay up, he'd basically take them to the equivalent of Small Claims court. I think he did that a couple of times and got a few hundred dollars out of the scammers.

Oh WOW. That's just brilliant. Slow clap for that sneaky idea! Would probably be pretty time-consuming though. Luckily I've never gotten any spam/scam phone calls.

[Chromatix]

...the equivalent of Small Claims court.

In England, that is one of many functions of the Magistrate at District Court - essentially it is called the Small Claims Track. Colloquially, it is still called "Small Claims Court". It is just a greatly simplified procedure where you are not expected to have a solicitor (lawyer) representing either you or the defendant, and the Magistrate listens to the facts of the case (backed up by evidence on paper) and makes a decision. Many cases are settled before the hearing or by default (ie. the defendant never shows up), which makes things that much easier still.

I know this because I used it twice - and won an out-of-court settlement in full both times.

[Sonoma]

Totally awesome, Geek King. I bow down before you.

[wolfie]

In England, that is one of many functions of the Magistrate at District Court - essentially it is called the Small Claims Track. Colloquially, it is still called "Small Claims Court". It is just a greatly simplified procedure where you are not expected to have a solicitor (lawyer) representing either you or the defendant,

Not being from Britain, my understanding of British law is a bit fuzzy, but I was under the impression that a solicitor couldn't represent you in court (they could do any other lawyer work, just not that). To represent you in court, you'd need a barrister (lawyer who had been "called to the bar"). Barristers could also do the work solicitors were allowed to do, so you'd see a lot of law offices listed as "barristers and solicitors". Has it been changed to allow solicitors to represent someone in court?