Get out the 2x4s...(major issues, possibly nsfw)

[Aethian]

Savings account unless your not going to touch it for more then five years.

[Tama]

You're right. It honestly is easier, even though this shit is even starting to show up in my dreams. (Things I, in dream, can't get away from or enemies I can't kill that trap me). Tomorrow the sister and mother have to go out, and Al will be at work, so I'm going to call a few of the Ladysname House shelters.

Since the YWCA woman blew me off, the house shelters are all I can think of but frankly, they sound nicer anyway.

[Tama]

But personally I think you need out of there pronto

Boy, when you're right, you're right.

I didn't end up calling anyone yesterday, and last night I had my first migraine ever. (When I mentioned being okay unless there was noise or bright light, that's when they told me it was probably that)

This morning...there was the usual panic from the mother about 3 bills that had to be paid pronto. Al was feeling like shit because he "can't do anything" and the sister was all over him about it because she figures "you aren't the only one feeling that way!"

So I stand up for him and she starts shouting at me and at some point shoves me. I do not shove back, Al shouts back at her. Oh and she slapped him several times during this. No, he didn't hit back.

The mother is crying by this point because she hates "when they fight, I can't stand it!"

So after it's all over, Al tells me to apologize to his mother. And mentions that I should not have spoken up. But really, I'm sick of -- to quote Nostalgia Critic -- the wicked bitch of the north running this house. Al turns it on me, etc etc. I apologize to the mother, but...

Now it's serious. Now I no longer care about what happens. I just want out. They can implode for all I care, I'm ramping up the search for shelter/job.

EDIT: There is one place on my "possible" list, only it houses men, women, and children. I'd prefer women/children only, but it sounds otherwise great. It's too late to call and there is no email, but they're getting a call from me.

I'd probably have a better chance of getting in anywhere if I was *already* homeless, but it's not like I can't keep looking.

[Der Cute]

Tama, I'm glad you're looking harder. If you're recognizing that it's in your DREAMS and a migraine, yeah time to go.

I hope you have hit up Catholic Community Services (I dunno what state, but Le Google), and have you gone to your state's DSHS webpage? And the county's main webpage? Sometimes there are resource links there.
Find out if you can use the domestic violence card to get shelter. and yeah, being homeless gets you more help than having shelter but needing a new place. (btdt)

Hugs, dammit. Hugs. Living with that stressful shit...just no. No. Out of that whole place, you're the one making changes, pushing yourself. That is something to remember when you're feeling that shit around you. "Self, look. They sit on their asses. I'm not. Getting up, going places, doing stuff that needs to be done, and he's 'oh I caaaaan't'. Fuck that. Self, we're doing good." Remind yourself once in a while that you're not them.

Did you find at least 5 things that were neat/cool/nice/fun today? I'm sure you did, so pull them up in your head and smile. The little 5 things make life easier to bear.

[Tama]

5 things, huh? That sounds good. Let's see...writing my book, I bough an e-copy of the Hobbit, ...Curious George (Al's niece watches it a lot and it's like Andy Griffith, nothing really BAD ever happens!)....Fable 3...and, um...the other half of the dream I had the other night where I got to be Data's girlfriend. (:P Not my first choice as a mate but he's one I wouldn't mind)

Last night I got another lecture (I'd stayed quiet most of the day and barely spoke to Al when he got home) again about how I shouldn't have spoken, and that's just how he and his sister work things out. Apparently they were JOKING about it in the car to deliver him to work!

Oh, and also, he mentioned that I am VULCAN sometimes, in the way I handle emotion. During the fight I was perfectly calm, at least on the outside, and according to Al, the shove was her trying to get me to respond emotionally, or some shit like that.

After the fight my body almost forced me to cry (which I resisted), which is one of the weirder things that seem to happen to me. Not reacting emotionally, but my body does (IE racing heart during SCP game).


There is a Catholic Church here and there around my city but I never thought to call any of them. I'll try that. And I never thought of looking at a government (I presume DSHS is one) site...thanks for the ideas!


Edit: The only place I see where I could go NOW is the Salvation Army, which houses you for 30 days max, it seems. Still, that would get me in long enough to qualify for...well...other shelters. Going to keep looking, but they're definitely on the list.

[houdini]

Big hug! At least there is one place that will take you immediately, and then you've got a month to consider other options. How's the job hunt?

[Tama]

Job hunt's going okay. I guess since the college grads and students have gone home for the summer, things have opened up.

[Tama]

Okay, I'll explain why I went quiet for so long.

I couldn't get a quiet moment alone to make a call to the Salvation Army. I got depressed. And I gave up. I REALLY gave up. I had another day where I was quiet.

And a bunch of other stuff leading up to some soap opera news from a couple days ago.

The Sister's pregnant. By the same guy as her 3 year old. I won't mention how so as not to induce Fratching posts.

She's whiny about her numerous health issues as it is. As the only driver -- well, I can see what's coming.

I have 70 cents in silver change, which I assume is all that buses will take in the way of change. Once I hit $2 thatis it. There is possible relief coming in the form of the sister hoping to move to Florida near relatives with the mother, but that's months away and I am certainly not going to depend on it.


AAAARGGGH. That is all.

P.S. I got to watch the Hobbit. I...did not like it. They changed SO much from the book that if I forgot that it was meant to be The Hobbit, it was a great movie. The humor especially ("PARASITES D8"). There were some good parts including the great entrance by the dwarves, and the dishes song.

[Tama]

I was afraid to come back quite frankly, as I hadn't done anything yet.

I haven't been to the doctor, as I couldn't afford it. The last few times I tried to sign up for the state insurance, I apparently still owned a trailer I'd signed off on ages ago...maybe I need an ass kicking team to keep my mind on my saving/whatever.

I've started trying to read about life in the SA shelter, but I'm getting almost nothing beyond not having your own room and stolen shoes and crap like that. That I could deal with though.

Awakening to this stuff is making me very quiet though -- everyone else is quiet on her pregnancy, haven't said anything. But I know I'd be the backup babysitter, just as I am with the current little girl.

I could make a daily list of:

Why It's a Shithole Here and A Bad Idea To Stay

I won't say what I'm thinking. But I do wonder sometimes how many atrocities one lazy, pregnant, pill-popper can commit. (I say pregnant as a negative only because she whines. A lot. About normal pains. Actual ones will only make her entitlement worse)

[Tama]

The funny thing is, I went to the DMV (since the trailer's apparently, technically, a vehicle) and they said that I own nothing.

I'll try again but if it happens again I'm not sure what can be done about it...since the DMV already said I own jack shit. :P

[houdini]

I was afraid to come back quite frankly, as I hadn't done anything yet.

It's ok! The worst critic is always the one you have in your own head. We're here to be supportive: we might kick your ass, but we'll never kick you while you're down. Enough people have been there, done that and got multiple t-shirts that we all know what it's like - myself included.

You're strong. Keep holding out, keep planning, keep hoping, keep saving.

And take it a little at a time: you'll never do everything at once. What were your five good things for today?

[Tama]

Reading Sourcery in one day (oh god never do that, it's great but it has serious whiplash! How do you cram so much into so few pages?), Hexxit (a minecraft mod), Mello Yello (mmm, delicious citrus ness)...um, let's see...I found a dime, closer to bus fare there...oh, and Curious George.

I know it's a kids show but it's like Andy Griffith, nothing that bad ever really happens. GEORGE is the biggest problem in their world and I have more than once wished I could live...wherever he lives.

[Tama]

A few days ago I [insert religious practice, so as not to go near the issue any further] that the issue of my needing to leave would be kept fresh in my mind. I was white-hot with wanting to leave because I knew the pregnancy of the Sister would ruin things. She is whiny and entitled and lazy enough on her own, without actual medical problems to deal with. They would probably make her nigh on catatonic.

Don't you really like it when you get what you asked for?

Each day since then, something has happened to REALLY keep it there. Cleaning up the house and everything I do has her telling me to STOP! And then complaining I do nothing...etc. (Seriously, WTF? )

[houdini]

How are you doing at the moment? Anything more saved? How's Al and Sister and are you holding up ok?

[Tama]

I had another migraine yesterday (well, it started, I headed it off with some tylenol). I found another 15 cents, have been making little piddly amounts on a site Seraph referred me to (but it's something!) and...Al's sister, oh boy...is pregnant, and desperate to find a man because I'm guessing she thinks pregnant = undesirable.

She took car to see friend. Turns out she wasn't with friend. Car "breaks down". She is stuck for two days causing chaos for Al who rushes to find a ride to/from work. Brings back creepy guy that makes our mental defenses come up. Plus, he SMOKES. (This is bad only because her daughter, the 3 year old, seems to be very allergic to touching something with smoke residue on it, she seems to get welts or something). So now he's living here, which the sister justifies because "he was kicked out and he had nowhere to go". Might not be against it if I hadn't heard mentions of his having a rap sheet.

He stays a few days. She goes to bring him back or something yesterday. And the car breaks down again. Al has to find a ride. And now he's back again, though there is talk of making him find a job and leave.

Thankfull Al has a friend who is going to sell him a car, and he is very close to a pretty good promotion ($12+ an hour as opposed to the $8 he makes now). He's quite happy about it because it seems that of late he is just as pissed off as I am; it takes a lot to get him there.

I'm not betting on his being as bold as he thinks he'll be, hence I am still saving my money, and still planning on leaving. But if he does, and if things are done, I may stay. But really, only time will tell, and in the meantime, savings ahoy.