I hate eating.

[Chazzie]

Haven't posted here for ages, but I don't really know where else to turn since my friends just keep congratulating me for losing weight when I'm already 118 pounds. They mean well and I know it's just the socially acceptable idea that "losing weight = good thing". Hooray media.

I hate eating. It's not uncommon for me to eat once a day. It's not that I don't like the taste, I just feel like it's a waste of time and any sort of cooking stresses me out, sometimes to the point of tears. I think it's the perfectionist in me thinking I won't cook it 'right'. When I do eat I often eat half meals.

I don't get hungry in the morning so I usually just eat dinner. Today I got up at 9 am and had a bagel, but haven't been able to justify eating to myself for the rest of the day. It's now 3:30 am. My room mate even offered around 11 to cook something for me, but I declined because I thought to myself, 'you're 22, you're a big girl, do it yourself.' Aaaand as a result I haven't eaten, because I quickly got frustrated and walked away from the kitchen.

I feel like I should have something to 'make up' for eating junk like bagels for the morning, so I can't get myself to just have another bagel with the idea that something is better than nothing. Can't justify pasta, that's just as bad as a bagel.

I don't worry about my weight though I do get concerned with my shape a bit, and I don't really mind grease or unhealthy food, but people tell me that I need to eat because 'it's healthy'. If I'm eating to be healthy, I can't really justify eating something simple like macaroni.

I'm not really asking for 'easy' recipes or simple things to eat. I think I'm asking for advice on how to justify to myself that it's okay to eat and take the time to cook, regardless of what it is? I feel like that'd be a good place to start anyway. Would appreciate it.

[ParkingWitch]

There is nothing wrong with simple foods. And unless something is; burnt, raw when it should not be, or so horribly spiced as too be inedible don't worry about what is "right".

Some of the best meals I have ever had were just throwing things together out of the refrigerator.

Eating healthy means something different to just about everyone.

[Akasa]

These links might help you:

http://crockpot365.blogspot.com/
http://momswithcrockpots.com/

Most of these recipes need very little prep, you basically toss the ingredients into the crockpot in the morning, then by dinner time you have a meal ready to eat. Plus left overs to either put in the fridge and eat over the next few days or put some in the freezer and some in the fridge. If you don't have a crockpot get a 6 quart, or else you'll have the same issue I did. "Oh that looks good!...6 quart! damnit! I need a bigger crockpot!"

[Seshat]

I have the same problem; except that when my blood sugar drops too far I get faint and dizzy so I HAVE to eat. But I eat whatever's closest at hand.

I can't help much with the 'it's okay to eat' and so forth, but I can help with 'eating what's easy'.

I'll gnaw on raw fruit or veg.
Or a handful of sultanas or other dried fruits; or on nuts or seeds.
Or some of a bag of salad greens.
If I'm feeling adventurous, I might even put together a mixtures of the above!

Some of the tinned soups or other tinned meals available in my supermarket are actually a fairly balanced meal.
Ditto some of the frozen meals.

Try switching to wholegrain bagels, or wholegrain breads. If you find you like them, they're healthier than white.

But grains are at the bottom of the food pyramid, along with fruit & veg. We need plenty of both. So there's actually nothing wrong with eating bagels and bread and pasta; just try to eat other stuff as well.



As for tending to your body:

How do you treat your tools and equipment for other things? If you sew, do you clean and oil your sewing machine before putting it away? Or if you garden, do you do the same with your gardening tools?
Do you keep your car serviced? If you own your house, do you keep it maintained?

All those tools and equipment are replacable.

Your body is the tool with which you interact with the world.

And it's NOT replaceable. If it breaks, it might be able to be repaired. It might not.

Treat it like the most precious piece of equipment you have. Because it is.

[Kheldarson]

I don't worry about my weight though I do get concerned with my shape a bit, and I don't really mind grease or unhealthy food, but people tell me that I need to eat because 'it's healthy'. If I'm eating to be healthy, I can't really justify eating something simple like macaroni.

I'm not really asking for 'easy' recipes or simple things to eat. I think I'm asking for advice on how to justify to myself that it's okay to eat and take the time to cook, regardless of what it is? I feel like that'd be a good place to start anyway. Would appreciate it.

Let's approach the eating because it's healthy bit.

It's healthy because your body needs fuel. To a great extent, it doesn't matter what you eat, because all you're doing is fueling your body. Unleaded regular's going to work just as well as the premium fuel.

So if all you have a craving for is a small bowl of mac and cheese (yay Easy Mac! ), then great. Eat that. Or maybe a couple of hot dogs. Or chewing on some favorite fruit or veg. Or just making bagels all day because you can load them up with the awesomest things, whatever. You're providing the fuel your body needs.

Does it work better when you have a good balance of food? Sure. But it'll work better if you give it just that little boost of whatever throughout the day then saying "well, it's not healthy, so I won't eat it" and then never eating.

Basically, give yourself permission to graze on whatever throughout the day and don't worry about what it is exactly you eat at first (and if someone else offers to cook, pounce on it and then do dishes). After you get used to eating again, then start trying to make it healthier foods. One thing at a time.

[Chazzie]

Thank you for the great advice I really appreciate it. Gonna try to keep your words in mind. Maybe make some sticky notes to remind myself. I'll try not to feel so much pre-guilt when it comes to food.

Treat it like the most precious piece of equipment you have. Because it is.

Can I get that tattooed somewhere?

[Akasa]

On the subject of bagels, you can do more than just cream cheese on them, you can load them up with lunch meat, lettuce, tomato, avocado, sprouts, etc.

You NEED carbs. Eating a bagel for breakfast isn't a bad thing!

[Seshat]

Can I get that tattooed somewhere?

Sure! I'd be honoured.

[Jarissa]

Chazzie, have you ever been checked for "very mild" or very subtle food allergies? What about a functional disorder like Irritable Bowel Syndrome?

If your subconscious is trying to steer you away from eating, it might be because you have been dealing with some kind of very prevalent food allergy. My best friend is allergic to onions, it turns out; and since they're in almost everything, he spent years being miserable at mealtime and having no idea why.

I've got IBS, and sometimes I'll bite into something that looks and smells perfectly fine, and after that first bite I put the thing down and won't touch it. I cannot tell you what the problem is, I just know it is too much trouble to eat that. (In my case, taking a digestive enzyme supplement helps with SOME things I'd otherwise have to skip. Part of my disorder is that I don't produce enough on my own!)

I can wildly speculate on plenty of other possible chemical reasons for your aversion, but really all I ought to suggest is that you talk to a professional about what might be going on behind the scenes, and maybe work out a series of experiments to see if something makes your body happy enough to desire that particular dish again.

A nurse once put it to me this way, while we were still trying to figure out what was wrong with me: it's not just the fuel and nutrition that make eating a good idea. Each part of the body needs to do its job on a regular basis, or it will resort to aberrant behavior out of cellular boredom. We can't blame disorders and illnesses on "failure to properly use the body" but we are less likely to see errors in parts that are actively used.

[Ree]

I can wildly speculate on plenty of other possible chemical reasons for your aversion, but really all I ought to suggest is that you talk to a professional about what might be going on behind the scenes

This times one thousand!!!

While I have seen some great information and suggestions, nobody here is a professional, and without knowing you personally, it is very irresponsible for any of us to offer advice and speculation.

What you describe is really not a healthy state of mind toward eating, so I really think you are better off speaking to a professional, face to face, rather than relying upon well meaning strangers (internet friends) on a message board who only have their own personal experiences to go on, and could cause more harm than good.

[mjr]

Thank you for the great advice I really appreciate it. Gonna try to keep your words in mind. Maybe make some sticky notes to remind myself. I'll try not to feel so much pre-guilt when it comes to food.



Can I get that tattooed somewhere?

At 118 pounds, you are by no means fat. You should get that notion out of your head immediately! Especially if you are over five feet tall. Your body weight seems just fine. Here's how someone put it to me once: If you think you look fine, you look fine. They said the mirror will tell you more than the scale will. In other words, don't try to get "down to" or "up to" a certain weight. You look in the mirror, and when you're happy with how you look, then it doesn't matter if you weigh 110, 115 or 120, or heck, even 140.

But trust me, at 118 pounds, you're probably fine, weight-wise.

Have you considered cookbooks? I'm no expert at it, but over the past 8-10 years, I've gotten more into cooking and experimenting in the kitchen.

And the important thing is: If you're not cooking for someone else, don't worry about making mistakes! I can't tell you how often I was in the kitchen making something, and then afterward, I said to myself, "I probably shouldn't have done it this way." and I made it differently next time.

You would be amazed at how great you can make food taste with simple ingredients. Here's an example (if you like steak).

Put your pan on the oven, and get it hot (at my house, I use medium-high heat, and let the pan sit on the heat for about 5 minutes).

Get kosher salt (thekosher is important -- it's bigger flakes). Take some with your fingers, like a pinch, and sprinkle it over the top of the steak. Then, get some whole peppercorns in a pepper grinder, and grind some of that over the steak. Turn the steak over and repeat.

Then, put the steak in the pan, and DON'T touch it for 4 minutes! Flip it over and do the same thing.

Then, take the steak out of the pan, and let it rest for five minutes.

That will give you a steak that's between medium rare and medium.

I cook steaks like this and I have rarely been disappointed.

[Seshat]

Ree is absolutely right. I didn't think of food allergies or digestive disorders as the possible cause of your reactions.

I have a friend who's gluten intolerant. What I said above about trying wholegrain cereal products would be HORRIBLE advice for her! She HAS to have either those grains which are naturally gluten low, or alternative carbohydrates.

If you have insulin resistance, you'll want the advice of a nutritionist or dietician: surprising things will turn out to be good (and bad!) for your pancreatic function.

Ditto for IBS, and Chron's, and both true food allergies (histamine reaction) and intolerances (other reactions). And all sorts of stuff.

It could be as "simple" as a swallowing reflex problem. Because the human airway and the human digestive tract share the use of the mouth, swallowing is actually a really, really complicated process. If your system isn't doing it correctly, you could be half-choking yourself often enough that your body just goes "Nope. Need to breathe. Won't eat."

Get checked out. Even if you check out fine, give serious consideration to talking to a dietician or nutritionist or someone else who specialises (medically) in helping people eat.

[MoonCat]

Ree and Seshat are giving excellent advice. You may have inadvertently picked up on the current underlying theme behind all the "losing weight is good" stuff, which is "eating is bad."

Eating is NOT BAD. We need to eat to live. Sure, some of us overdo it, but some people don't do it enough. Nothing you do to survive is a waste of time.

And you don't have to cook gourmet-style. It's not hard to heat up veggies or soup, or make sandwiches or pasta (pasta is not bad for you except in too-large amounts, like everything else).

Be a little easier on yourself. Unless you're in a cooking competition, it doesn't have to be "perfect." Don't compare yourself to what other people think is the right weight or shape. There's a lot of unrealistic information out there about what's "healthy." You might want to ask your doctor for a referral to a dietitian.

[Chazzie]

Well, I'm not too concerned on weight (aside from maybe a slight fear of not maintaining what I have) and I know you need to eat to keep one's metabolism up. Though it is possible I'm subconsciously avoiding it for that reason. I have no history of being allergic to anything, nor do I get any sort of negative physical reaction from eating. I will however punish myself and decide that I don't 'need' to eat more than once a day if I haven't exerted myself at work or anything. It's been an on and off problem for over a year now. I think it may have a lot to do with stress/anxiety. I'd like to avoid seeing any professionals since I don't have the money or any sort of health insurance, though I know that in some cases it really is unavoidable. Thank you for the tips though.

[Barracuda]

Another idea for bagels is to top them with a slice of cheese, maybe some pepperoni, salami, or lunchmeat, and toss them on a cookie sheet. Put them in the oven on "low broil" for about a minute, minute and a half. Voila! Toasted bagel with melty cheese and hot lunchmeat. Instant open faced sandwich, and very quick!