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I.e., Joi feels like 
times a million. We've been dating since last November, and things have gone pretty well, but very low-key. We're meeting for the first time at a convention on Thursday, and while I'm excited, I'm also terrified. I'm not terrified of anything involving physical contact; I think we're both wanting to go slow there. I'm mostly afraid of...well, of just the meeting.
The last time someone even pretended to be interested in me was 8 years ago. (And he literally only pretended: I found out later that he hit on my roommates behind my back, and sent them emails that were...less than flattering about my physical appearance.) Before that, the guy who was interested in me met me once, spent an awkward few hours together, and I never heard from him again. To date, no-one who's seen me in person has been attracted. My BF and I have video-chatted a bit, so there shouldn't be any surprises there, but it's hard to shake the conviction that he's going to take one look and change his mind.
He knows I'm afraid, and is fairly ok with it, but the more I talk about it, the more pressure he feels. I don't want to put any pressure on him; even if he wants to cut me off, he's free to do that. I think the problem is largely just in my own head, but I don't know how to fight it.
So...any advice? How do I do this without coming across as a complete lunatic?
times a million. We've been dating since last November, and things have gone pretty well, but very low-key. We're meeting for the first time at a convention on Thursday, and while I'm excited, I'm also terrified. I'm not terrified of anything involving physical contact; I think we're both wanting to go slow there. I'm mostly afraid of...well, of just the meeting. The last time someone even pretended to be interested in me was 8 years ago. (And he literally only pretended: I found out later that he hit on my roommates behind my back, and sent them emails that were...less than flattering about my physical appearance.) Before that, the guy who was interested in me met me once, spent an awkward few hours together, and I never heard from him again. To date, no-one who's seen me in person has been attracted. My BF and I have video-chatted a bit, so there shouldn't be any surprises there, but it's hard to shake the conviction that he's going to take one look and change his mind.
He knows I'm afraid, and is fairly ok with it, but the more I talk about it, the more pressure he feels. I don't want to put any pressure on him; even if he wants to cut me off, he's free to do that. I think the problem is largely just in my own head, but I don't know how to fight it.
So...any advice? How do I do this without coming across as a complete lunatic?
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