I'm done.

[Cooper]

For those of you who don't know, my father's an asshole, my grandmother is an asshole, and my mother decided to join in on the fun.

I've officially been diagnosed with arthritis in my leg, which is a bit hard-to-believe since I'm 18, but I had a car accident where I broke my tibia and fibula. My doctor put me on arthritis medication when I explained that, by the time the pain bothers me, tylenol does no good, but I've also experienced heavy painkillers when on my jaw surgery and they make me too loopy to function in every-day life. Of course, medicaid is preventing me from trying the medication until Monday, because they need a note from my doctor saying I've tried tylenol, and my doctor's office is closed until Monday.

Today my leg really hurt, like on the 1-10 scale, it was an 8. I was having trouble walking, it hurt so much. But I'm overreacting, and I'm a hypochondriac, according to my father. I stayed home from work today due to the sinus infection my doctor discovered when I came in for the leg pain, and I asked to have mornings off two days a week so I could sleep in on the days after class.

Dad pointed out he worked until 10, and would go to his work at 6, at my age. I'd like to point out that by 19, HE OWNED A HOUSE. My mother added all my problems would probably go away if I went gluten-free, because it was a miracle-worker for her. I'd like to point out that the symptoms of gluten intolerance literally cover just about everything, and my health problems all stem from three sources: Mental stress caused me to develop depression and anxiety, my car accident led to the arthritis and combined with my stress to create stress pain (where the arthritis pain literally spreads to uninjured areas of the body) and my jaw surgery causes some stress pain headaches and nerve pain.

I'm clearly not him.

So I want to get a plan in place to cut them out of my life. Problem is, I still want to keep in touch with my mother's mom, and my sister. Plus I really have no idea how to handle saying "I'm done, get out of my life forever" especially while I'm still economically dependant on them. (Since they were saying it didn't seem to matter if I came in tomorrow or not, I was going to build an access database tonight to show some other marinas tomorrow, and say "I can do this for you if you'd let me" and hope they hire me.)

I really don't know what I can do to make him happy. I'm giving up all pets except two: my cat I've had since the year 2001, and my new(ish) special-needs rabbit. (I got her with a parasite that took out one eye, which she's getting removed on monday.) Two of the baby bunnies she had are already gone, and I'm bonding the father and the son (it's going okay. The son is tolerating the father's excessive humping fairly well, and neither one has a violent bone in their body.) Once they're bonded, I'm giving them away together. This was mostly done due to the fact that the father needs another rabbit around, or he gets depressed. (This sounds insane, but I saw it. He would barely eat, he would thump all day, and he would just lay around. When I got the mother, just seeing her made him happier.)

I don't think I can make him happy, and I'm tired of trying.

[MoonCat]

You shouldn't have to make your father happy. That's not your purpose in life. Your life is your own. I wish I had some advice for you, but I wish you the best of luck in getting out of there soon.

[EricKei]

He worked 6 AM to 10PM, eh? That's 14 hours a day, with only 8 hours in between shifts. They arrest people for making/"allowing" kids/teens (and sometimes adults) to work hours like that these days I wonder if that would help....but I doubt it ~_~

[Pimento]

I'd say personally I relate to the father more in thus case. Maybe it's a guy thing?

I worked sometimes 20 hours with a 5" diameter abscess that was infected in my leg due to my crohns. I have arthritis in both knees due to kneeling on steel for so many years. And when I chipped off a piece of bone into my shoulder joint and dislocated it I was on site the next day. I too owned my first house at 19. Had my son at 20.

And you know what? Up until recently I was a self entitled prick who was way too hard on his kids and torched his marriage.

It took that for me to realize the world is a different place. And I'm 27.

So this may be what it takes for him to smarten up a bit. And if you want some advice from the other side. Give me a shout any time. I'm just glad I pulled my head out of my ass before my kids were old enough to see it

[Pixilated]

You shouldn't have to make your father happy. That's not your purpose in life. Your life is your own. I wish I had some advice for you, but I wish you the best of luck in getting out of there soon.

Second this. Stop trying to make him happy because from the sounds of it, the only way to do that would be to work until you collapsed (and then you'd probably get another lecture about how he could work harder and longer than that and still run a marathon blah blah blah ...)

I'd say that for now, until you're no longer financially dependent on them, just grin and bear it. Don't tell them anything when you're in pain, simply deal with it as quietly as you can. Look for another job and hope you can get away from them sooner, rather than later. And move into your very own place where your parents are not essentially your landlords because even if you pay them any sort of rent I can see them thinking that because they're your parents that they don't have to respect your rights as a tenant.

*snip*

Second this too. I'm crossing my fingers for you, that you can find another job quickly and get out of your parents' orbit. And definitely don't rent from them, no matter what a great deal (money-wise) it seems to be, for exactly the reasons patiokitty gave.

[Cooper]

"I'd say personally I relate to the father more in thus case....So this may be what it takes for him to smarten up a bit. And if you want some advice from the other side. Give me a shout any time. I'm just glad I pulled my head out of my ass before my kids were old enough to see it"

I congratulate anyone who works through their pain. I'm just not one of those people. I have a very high pain tolerance (as I mentioned, by the time the arthritis started bothering me, it was level 6-9 pain if THE WIND blew on it, but I had pain in it for years. I just went 'meh' and went on with my life.)

However, I made it a point to recognize my limits and back off when I reached them, because I didn't want to be my father. He would work himself to death if my mother would let him.

I agree I could work harder, and I should. I agree I have too many pets (which I'm working on). The biggest issue is how he categorically denies every single problem I've ever had. He told me I had no right to be upset I couldn't swim when I broke my leg because there were kids in Africa that would love my predicament.

He says that I'm an attention whore, and there are cheaper ways to get attention than going on paxil.

Even after hearing about my panic attacks, WITNESSING ONE, and my 'rage fits' (in my worst, I destroyed my room, and several bits of it were destroyed by using them as leverage against myself). He heard about my self-injury, and my suicidal moments before I got on my medication, and went 'Oh, that's normal teenage stuff.'

I hoped the fact that the doctor said she was putting me on this medication before they jumped to surgery to clear out the damaged tissue would mean something to him, but it doesn't.

He has finally accepted that I'm gay, but he still acts like my Buddhism is a 4-year-phase.

The worst part about this all is when I confronted him on it. He would sulk, rage, and alternate between screaming that he was reasonable and exclaiming he was just a horrible person.

Oh? And when I went to him at 16 for my depression, telling my parents I couldn't handle it on my own anymore? (I had no idea the anxiety was a separate thing from my depression until I went to the doctor) He said, if he thought it would help, he would kill himself that second.

I also get flak for eating in front of him, because I have an 'eating problem.'

I get that a WHOLE LOT of this denial is due to him not wanting to accept his part in the stuff that's happened to me. He and my mother set up the jaw surgery, and put a lot of money into it. The car accident is something I'm sure he's blamed himself for multiple times, even if he's never shared it with me. And the mental issues? I don't know if he knows anyone else could be to blame.

I think, when my sister officially moved from a low-functioning Autistic to a high-functioning Aspergers, my parents figured they were done with crazy kids.

[Pimento]

Yeah. My point was I see why he thinks the way he does. Doesn't make it ok. Doesn't make it the least bit ok.

The reason I ended up that way? My dad is the sane way. It took me fixing myself, then confronting him for our relationship to change. I really hope he sees the error of his ways before you withdraw completely. But who knows?

[Cooper]

Pimento, I think that's why he is how he is. His father was a perfectionist worka-alcoholic, and I've rarely heard anything good said about him.

[Pimento]

Well. I think it's a brave thing you're doing. Make sure you can get away clean so you don't have to come back. In the meantime just let him know when he makes a shitty comment I guess.

That kind of behaviour takes a good reboot. For me it took a big event and some stuff I won't publicly get into. But yeah. Today i can relate to people who do things differently than me. So there is hope.

[Jester]

I have a suggestion that has nothing to do with the family, but with the leg.

I can somewhat relate; when I was 16, I broke my jaw, and the doctor told me I would probably have problems with it, maybe even arthritis, for the rest of my life. And while most days it isn't a problem, there are days when it is simply impossible for me to eat anything with a harder consistency than "mush."

Tylenol has never worked for me. For any reason. However, Advil is a godsend. And by "Advil," I mean any brand ibuprofen, generic or brand name. As an anti-inflammatory, it deals with the problem of my jaw far more directly. I would imagine the same would be true with your leg.

Good luck with this whole situation, and let me know if the ibuprofen works for you.

[Eireann]

My suggestion is, find someone to talk to. Preferably a professional. I know some people work on a sliding payment scale.

Most of us, I think, feel that we owe our families something because we're related to them. I don't. My parents had huge issues that they never overcame because they never tried, and we (my siblings and I) suffered the fallout. Trying to please either of them was impossible, because they always wanted more; they wanted to feel that they had succeeded at life if WE were doing something that society deemed "acceptable".

Our lives are to be lived by ourselves, for ourselves; not for others. Selfish? Not at all. If someone goes through life believing that everyone owes him/her something, yes, that's selfish; being aware of what makes you happy, and doing that (as long as it doesn't hurt anyone in the process) can only make your life better. Happy people radiate positivity, and it makes things better for everyone who comes into contact with them.

Live your life for you. Find someone to help you achieve this goal. You may even find that your parents back off. If not, you've found the strength to be apart from them.

[Cooper]

Jester, I have tried ibuprofen for the pain. Icy hot works well when the pain is anywhere below a 6, and ibuprofen works if the pain is anywhere below a 4, but I usually don't notice the pain until it's a 5.

Apparently, having tried ibuprofen is a requirement for my insurance to cover the medication I'm trying tomorrow.

As for seeing a professional, I graduated from therapy after almost a year, and I've been taking my sister to therapy too. (Something my father still rages about.) My therapy was done from an intern, so mine was free (she will make a great therapist some day, though I admit being a bit skeptical of her). My sister's therapy is being paid in a bit of a gray area. My insurance covers it, and as far as the record is concerned, it's family therapy for me. I'm in on most of the sessions, though sometimes I'm asked to sit out, and I do.

[42_42_42]

Cooper, have you tried Aleve? It's another OTC non-steroid anti-inflammatory drug, but tends to work where ibuprofen doesn't. You can take up to two of the tablets at a time, every 8 hours.

Tylenol really isn't going to work for arthritis pain because arthritis pain is caused by inflammation, which Tylenol doesn't treat.

[Cooper]

Yeah Patiokitty. My therapist left the practice a few weeks after we agreed I was ready to leave therapy. I don't really feel like I need to go back: I no longer hate myself, or my parents. Yeah, I don't hate my Dad. I'm pissed at him, but I don't hate him. I have a life plan, though I'm trying to work out the nuances of leaving my parents behind. I mean, do I change my email? Block Mom on Skype? Move away in the middle of the night? Say goodbye?

[Pimento]

Honestly. If you want them to change one day honesty is the key.

Once you're ready to go out on your own. You set the rules.

So once you don't need them it's "dad, I can't handle the way you treat me because of x y z, I'll ask you to please not contact me until you can stop doing that"

Then everyone k owe why you left. And you leave the door open for them to come back into your life, but on your terms.