Need help regarding my mom and her/our friends

[snugglegirl05]

I recently got married this year and moved in with my husband. My mom also moved in the same apartment complex, but she does not live with us. However, there have been some problems. Here they are.

• My mom is on a very limited income
• Earlier this year she had to go to the hospital, and she is having difficulty paying her hospital bills
• Since I do not have a license, an ambulance had to take her to the hospital, and she is having difficulty paying that bill as well
• She recently had to have her car repaired, and the cost was over $1000
• She borrowed roughly $700 from her brother to help her pay for the first months rent, pet deposit, plus moving expenses. She has not paid him back.

My husband and I make more than she does, but we have our expenses as well. I am also going back to school. I may have to pay out of pocket for my school expenses if my grant does not go through. I also have other personal expenses to pay for in addition to school.

She has become friends with one of my husbands friends, who also lives at the same apartment complex all 3 of us live at. She lets him borrow her car when he needs to. Since neither my husband nor I have a car, his friend takes us to the grocery store and anywhere else we have to go.

I have been asked to pay for gas when my husbands friend takes us to the grocery store, ect.... anywhere between $10 and $20 dollars.

I have been told by my husband and his friend that family helps family.

My mom has been asking me to loan her money to help her pay her bills because she does not have enough for all of her expenses. I have helped her out, but I let her know that I do have other expenses as well, including school, to pay for. This has happened at least 2 or 3 times so far. She has paid me back when she could.

Then last week my mom's checking account was overdrawn. Her rent is due at the end of this month. My husbands friend suggested that he, I, my husband, and other friends as well pitch in to pay moms rent.

All 3... Mom, my husband, and my husbands friend are aware that I have school expenses to pay for as well as personal expenses to pay for.

My mom is in over her head regarding her bills. Now her checking account is overdrawn, and her rent is due. I cannot keep on loaning her money to pay her bills as well as her rent.

I am in a difficult position. How do I handle this? What is fair?

[Aethian]

Do the three of you work with two household budgets? A lot of times when someone sits down and really looks at the numbers and then sticks to agreed numbers extra money can be found. This happens by two ways 1. Money has a name and doesn't do a runner and 2. Cuts can be found and made (ie We spend HOW MUCH on XYZ?!?)

I know there are a ton of places out there that offer freebie budgets but look for one that brings up topics that maybe be quarterly, every six months, or yearly. A lot of times they can be forgotten and then you get the scramble. It also takes 4-6 months to come up with a budget that only needs to revised once a month. Those first few usually have to be looked at, at every paycheck because of the learning curve.

For your Mom's hospital bills have her go down to the hospital and talk to someone in billing. Go in there with proof of how much she makes plus her budget and what she can reasonably pay back a month. By doing this myself I was able to get my hospital bill cut and then my monthly payments to pay it off were only 100.59 a month for a year. Just be reasonable and when they say no, keep asking but stay sweet as honey.

[Seshat]

Get a two folders, one for unpaid bills, one for paid bills, grocery receipts, other receipts and bank statements. Help your mother collect all her papers into those for a month.

Take both folders and type them up into a rough spreadsheet (just 'incoming' and 'outgoing' sections is fine for this purpose).

Take both folders and the spreadsheet printout and your mother, to any (legit!) financial advisor. Many banks and many charities will provide financial advisors or counsellors for free; for the purpose of helping someone get/stay on their feet fiscally.
(You are looking for an advisor who has that goal, not the 'sell you something' goal. You may find a charity- or church-funded advisor most suitable for that purpose; it depends on what's available in your area.)

The advisor will help your mother make up a realistic budget, including some money for 'mad money', but with all her bills and debts covered. If there is no realistic way to actually cover her debts; many advisors have the ability to call creditors and make arrangements that both their client and the creditor can live with.
(Major creditors, such as hospitals, know that someone talking with a financial advisor from Charity Thingamabob is at the end of their rope; and that if the advisor is actually trying to negotiate a deal with them, they won't get the money unless they make a deal.)


Anyway... this is my opinion, but .. well. "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime." (Ghandi, I believe.)

Unless your mother is becoming mentally incompetent to handle her own finances; teach her to fish. Or rather, get professional help to teach her to manage with the income she has.

(If she IS mentally incompetent to handle her own finances, then someone is going to have to get financial power of attorney and take over everything, leaving her with 'pocket money'.)

[DaisyQueen]

Get payment plans set up with the medical bills. I've been in the hospital several times and one hospital was very accommodating and the second one wasn't. When I tried to set up a payment plan with them, they were unwilling at first. Until I said nicely"Look, here's the deal. I owe you $1300. Either you let me pay $50 a month or I file bankruptcy and you get nothing at all. There's a long line of people in front of you--I guarantee you won't get a dime. I will pay $50 a month and more if I can, but this is all I can do." The woman was quiet for a minute and then agreed. So they may not be happy about it, but most will work with you.

[CaptainJaneway]

A budget is a good idea. I do this all the time. What you can do is get a fianical program like Quicken. This is the best thing i found to figure out where money is going and coming. It is like a big electronic checkbook.

So what i do is download all my info from my bank into this progam. Sometimes it will auto catergorize things for you but you can make your own catergories too.

What i then do is run a report or two to see what catergories i am spending the most money in and where i can cut back.

This program will also help you plan a budget or create a savings plan.

You can look here at this site www.quicken.com

I think there are free apps that you can download to your phone too.

[Aethian]

I think there are free apps that you can download to your phone too.

Quicken itself has a app that links with the one on the computer through wifi so you can update in the go.