What is the correct 'PC' answer? (With bonus public embarrassment)

[NecessaryCatharsis]

I live in an area of Ontario that is not racially diverse (white and native and that is pretty much it), but with tourist season comes everybody and anybody

Standing in line to pay at the store and my son (5) notices (for the first time) a black man standing in front of us. In that crystal-clear ultra-loud voice only the young can pull off he asks me 'Why is that mans skin all burned like that?'

I was soooo embarrassed I couldn't really think well on my feet and could only answer, 'It's not burnt, that is just what colour his skin is'

'Why is his skin that colour?'

I said, 'Because his parents skin was probably that colour, people usually look the same as their parents'

Judging from the glare I got I have to assume that was the WRONG answer, if looks could kill I'd be 6 feet under right now, that was one seriously unimpressed man.

So.... what was the right answer?

[mathnerd]

I would have probably said something like "people come in a whole bunch of different colors. Just like some people are short and others are tall, some people have light skin and others have dark skin."

Unfortunately, some people are also over-sensitive about such things, and the man might have been giving you dirty looks regardless of how you answered, just because the kid asked the question. Unfortunately for the over-sensitive types, kids are masters at asking horribly uncomfortable questions at just the wrong moment.

[Mishi]

Unfortunately for the over-sensitive types, kids are masters at asking horribly uncomfortable questions at just the wrong moment.

Quoted for truth! Our eldest did something similar when she was 5 (said in a loud voice "Mum! They have brown skin!") and my reaction was "They sure do!" in a cheery voice, because there is never a good enough answer and I am very good at putting my foot in my mouth when I'm trying to be thoughtful.

For me, it was a real wtf? moment because our community, our friends, and our family ARE pretty diverse. I was surprised that she simply had not noticed this before.

[Pixilated]

*snip*
Unfortunately for the over-sensitive types, kids are masters at asking horribly uncomfortable questions at just the wrong moment.

Ain't that the truth! And I don't even have kids, just younger siblings ... but I can clearly remember some of their horribly inappropriate questions and comments.

There's no PC answer you could've given that would be guaranteed not to draw a nasty look -- probably because, as mathnerd said, there are people who would be pissed off that the question was asked at all. For someone who was caught completely flat-footed, I thought you answered it quite well.

[Grendus]

What you said was in no way offensive. He chose to be offended by an innocent question and a scientific answer. That's his problem, not yours.

[fireheart]

What you said was in no way offensive. He chose to be offended by an innocent question and a scientific answer. That's his problem, not yours.

Pretty much this.

I would've given a similar answer.

[NecessaryCatharsis]

I would have probably said something like "people come in a whole bunch of different colors. Just like some people are short and others are tall, some people have light skin and others have dark skin."

That's a great answer, thanks. And I think it can easily be adapted for future awkward questions.

I've certainly noticed kids are great at the 'awkward question' thing, but most people accept that little minds want to know everything (and little mouths won't be duct taped) so either politely ignore or jokingly play along with those questions. I guess that's why I thought I was being the problem.

Thanks everyone!

[mathnerd]

You're welcome. And just to be clear, I didn't think there was anything particularly wrong with your answer, I just posted how I would have answered it. Fortunately for me when it comes to these things, I have lots of experience. I have three kids of my own, three much younger siblings (13, 26 and 27 years younger), and I taught middle school for nearly 10 years. I'm pretty sure I've been asked every awkward question imaginable.

[LesserSouthernFroglet]

I don't think you said anything wrong at all.

I remember years ago, sitting on the bus with my then 5yo daughter. There was a very tall dark skinned, bearded man with long dreadlocks sitting opposite. Think Lenny Kravitz. At the time where I lived wasn't very racially diverse.

Kid - Mum, that man is black!
LSF - Yeah, so?
Kid - well, he is!
LSF - OK then.

(By this time I'm ready to crawl into a hole and die of embarrasment, but oh no, she kept going...)

Kid - Mum, he's got funny hair!
LSF - Yeah, so?
Kid - well he does!
LSF - OK then.

(Now, the gentleman in question has a grin from ear to ear - he seems to be enjoying it)

Kid - Mum, that man has a beard!!
LSF - Yeah, so, so does your Daddy.
Kid - but he does!
LSF - OK then...

(By this stage the gentleman was chuckling to himself)

Fortunately we then got to our stop. It was one of Life's Most Embarassing Moments.

There's not much you can do with small kids when they get going, they're so full of curiosity. I was hoping treating her questions as No Big Deal would give her the idea that a man who looked different was also No Big Deal, but nope.

[Seshat]

Sometimes the 'different' person is happy to participate in the 'teachable moment', too. You just ran into bad luck.

I suspect that 'bearded dark-skinned dreadlocks man' (who grinned at the kid) might have been willing to participate, just based on the happy responses he seemed to have.

I've done the 'teachable moment' thing myself, at times. In my scooter, or in a wheelchair, and kids are kids...

"Mummy, why is she in that scooter?"
(Or even "Mummy, I want one of those!")

(I look at Mummy, to see if she's okay with me answering for her...)

"Because my legs don't work right." Or...
"I have this because my legs don't work right. You like running, don't you? And jumping, and climbing in playgrounds?" <kid almost always nods shyly> "I can't do those things." <lightbulb usually goes off in kid's head. He doesn't want a scooter anymore!>

[XCashier]

Unfortunately for the over-sensitive types, kids are masters at asking horribly uncomfortable questions at just the wrong moment.

Yes, they are, or they word things badly.

Case in point; my then three-year-old son and I were at the post office waiting our turn in line. Son would see someone wearing a particular color and announce that that person was that color, and I was correcting him every time.

SON: There's a green man!
ME: No, there's a man in a green jacket.
SON: There's an orange lady!
ME: No, there's a lady in an orange blouse.

At the desk stood an African-American woman in a pink T-shirt, next to a Caucasian woman in a black T-shirt. I'm sure you can see where this went...

SON: There's a black lady!
AAW:
ME:

It's oddly funny in hindsight, but at the time, I wanted to vanish into thin air.

[Food Lady]

OP, there was absolutely nothing wrong with your answer.

[Fire_on_High]

I agree. Your answer was quite polite and anyone who makes an issue of it is LOOKING for a fight.

[AnaKhouri]

I am lucky that my 4-year-old has never once done this in public. I out it down to living in a diverse area (near a college, so we see people of all races/ethnicities/religions, and across from a condo complex mostly inhabited by the elderly, including one man we see often who is missing both legs from the knee down), and to his own nature; he sometimes squints at people a moment, but has never brought it up. I think as long as they can hear him chatter, he doesn't care what they look like. He's a huge talker and generally very curious, so I have my responses all prepared, but haven't yet had to use them.

I think you did fine considering you were caught off-guard. I probably would have said, "People come in all different colors, buddy. Isn't that cool?" or something similar.