Coworker making me nuts (language)

[Dentarthurdent]

So. This situation has pretty much exploded, at least in my opinion.

Coworker A (who happens to be my supervisor, but not my boss in any meaningful sense – she can tell me what to do, but not enforce it or write me up) was told by Coworker B a couple nights ago that I had said I was going to stay home and do “witchy stuff” when Coworker B flaked out on coming over to bake. The first inkling I had of this was the next day when Coworker A walked up to me and was like “What witchy stuff were you doing last night?” and then proceeded to grill me about my beliefs and demand a label. She asked me if I was wiccan. I said no and gave her a very vague and untrue reason that "wiccan" doesn't describe my beliefs. It was the only pat answer I could come up with, since I was blindsided. So she said “does that mean you do black magic?” SIGH. “No.” “Well what were you doing last night?” “I was reading a book, and making a list of the properties of various herbs.” The answer I should have given? “How is this appropriate workplace discussion? And HOW IS IT YOUR BUSINESS???”

So she told me she wasn't sure if she should “cleanse” her house since I've been there several times, but that she doesn't think any “evil entities” are hanging around me so she doesn't have to get her uncle/dad/whatever to help her “pray against” me, at least not yet, but I should be very careful what I do so I don't attract bad entities. Then before she went home for the night, she asked me not to take anything she'd said “the wrong way” (there was a right way?).

Then she came over that night while I was baking (she invited herself over) and was reading the titles of my fiance's book collection and making fun of them. “Gypsy Fortune-telling? I'm gonna ask him to read my fortune!...Oh, Arnold Schwarzenegger's Encyclopedia of Bodybuilding? Well, he obviously gets a lot of use out of THAT one!” I really just wanted her to get the fuck out my house. In fact I should have said that. Because she's my boss, and because she's mostly my only way into town (I have no car and town is almost a two hour drive), I put up with it at the time.

My fiance says she treats him like some kind of moron and he doesn't want her in our house. So I've rescinded her invitation to enter, but due to what I said about getting into town, and due to the amount of dirt she has on me (I've played more than a few inadvisable drunken games of Truth or Dare with her and her friends), I'm feeling kind of stuck. Thoughts?

And please don't make this about the religious aspects. I've tried to keep this out of fratching territory; please don't get the thread closed!

[Soulstealer]

First off you don't have to answer any questions she has about your beliefs if you don't want to and shouldn't have to defend them to her or anyone else.
Second and more importantly, this is sounding like work place harassment based on religion, start a paper trail now.

[MoonCat]

Yeah, I second SoulStealer. Workplace discrimination or harassment on the basis of religion is ILLEGAL. I.L.L.E.G.A.L. From here on, if she brings it up, tell her it's not an appropriate subject for a workplace discussion. If you have a union let them know about this, if you don't (hell, even if you do) document all instances of her making comments about your beliefs...date, time, place, what was said. DO NOT keep this info at work.

And try to be "too busy to visit" anytime she wants to come over. Ride or no ride, you do NOT owe her entry to your house. That's your personal time and she has no right to control it or be a part of it, unless you want her to.

[Pixilated]

Agree with all the above, and also, this sounds like a good time to try and find a substitute ride to town, even if you have to post notices in the local supermarkets ... I think the price you will pay to keep riding with her will end up being too high.

[Jester]

The answer I should have given? “How is this appropriate workplace discussion? And HOW IS IT YOUR BUSINESS???”

I really just wanted her to get the fuck out my house. In fact I should have said that.

You know what you should shave done, and yet you didn't do it. Twice. Sometimes we need not look elsewhere for the best advice.

Because she's my boss, and because she's mostly my only way into town (I have no car and town is almost a two hour drive), I put up with it at the time.

There are polite ways to say or express both of the above, so as to (hopefully) not jeopardize your ride.

Of course, it would be optimal for you to not rely on someone so intrusive into your personal business for your transportation, but since it seems that is the case presently, I think the best thing you can do is just to suck it up and ignore it as much as possible.

Yes, that sucks. Yes, she is being obnoxious and intolerable, not to mention ridiculous. Yes, she should mind her own business. And yes, you should not have to deal with her bullshit. But as I've said before on multiple occasions, there is a difference between "should" and "is." Between what is preferable or optimal, and what is reality.

Right now, your reality is that you need this wench to transport you to your job. Hopefully sometime soon you can change this, either by getting a new job or by getting your own transpo or by getting someone else to transport you or whatever.

Is it worth it to you to risk losing your job by pissing her off? I can't say whether it is or isn't. Only you can answer that question. But it is one you need to ask yourself.

[Dentarthurdent]

Sorry, can't quote as I'm posting from my phone. You're all correct. Jester, I'm not relying on her to get to my job. I'm relying on her to get me to reasonably priced groceries. I wasn't clear.

[Jester]

Jester, I'm not relying on her to get to my job. I'm relying on her to get me to reasonably priced groceries. I wasn't clear.

Oh, in that case, fuck her. There are always other ways to get to the grocery store.

[Aislin]

Oh, in that case, fuck her. There are always other ways to get to the grocery store.

I think Dent has no car and lives in a national park. There is no cab service out there and a lot of workers in lodges in national parks don't have cars. I lived the first thirteen years of my life off Yellowstone and my Dad worked at the lodge off the lake before I was born and was the ride for many of the international workers. Groceries in the park were jacked up then and I am sure they are much worse now. Eating from the storesin the park could take up a large portion of a check and selection isn't the best. My dad would drive to Idaho rather than Jacksonhole which was closer but you would have to be a local to be able to get decent prices in Jackson, and by local I mean born there or have lived there 20 plus years. As a kid I got the locals discount. My parents did not.

[Pixilated]

That is a dilemma, but it's also a good time for Dent to start looking for alternate transportation before "the wench" (love it!) gets PO'd at Dent's non-cooperation and ends the rides on her own terms and timeline. Once Dent has another ride or two at hand, it's easier to take a firm stand with Ms Intrusive regarding religious harassment being illegal in the workplace.

[Seshat]

Is it possible for a group of the residents of the lodge to get together and hire a minibus/use a lodge-owned minibus and all go shopping for a day? Those who are on duty on shopping day can provide a reliable member of the shopping group with their own grocery lists.

Another thing to look into is online shopping: you can check to see if any of the online grocery shops will deliver to the park. It's also possible that they wouldn't deliver a single order but might deliver a bulk order - someone accepts the orders on behalf of many of the lodge residents, who all come pick theirs up as soon as they're off shift.

[Headset Hellion]

...I'm relying on her to get me to reasonably priced groceries...

I would sooner live off of canned goods delivered from Amazon that put up with bullshit like that to get groceries.

[Dentarthurdent]

I think Dent has no car and lives in a national park. There is no cab service out there and a lot of workers in lodges in national parks don't have cars. I lived the first thirteen years of my life off Yellowstone and my Dad worked at the lodge off the lake before I was born and was the ride for many of the international workers. Groceries in the park were jacked up then and I am sure they are much worse now. Eating from the storesin the park could take up a large portion of a check and selection isn't the best. My dad would drive to Idaho rather than Jacksonhole which was closer but you would have to be a local to be able to get decent prices in Jackson, and by local I mean born there or have lived there 20 plus years. As a kid I got the locals discount. My parents did not.

Bingo. I do get about 10% off here, but when you're shopping at a store that charges $18 for hair dye, over $5 for a can of soup, and $8+ for a small box of veggie burgers or a pound of bacon, it's STILL cheaper to pay someone $20 for gas and go load up on frozen food in town. Luckily my fiance and I don't live in the dorms and we have a freezer so this is even possible.

[Dentarthurdent]

Is it possible for a group of the residents of the lodge to get together and hire a minibus/use a lodge-owned minibus and all go shopping for a day? Those who are on duty on shopping day can provide a reliable member of the shopping group with their own grocery lists.

Another thing to look into is online shopping: you can check to see if any of the online grocery shops will deliver to the park. It's also possible that they wouldn't deliver a single order but might deliver a bulk order - someone accepts the orders on behalf of many of the lodge residents, who all come pick theirs up as soon as they're off shift.

As for the first item, there is a company-owned van that goes into town about twice a month. It's small and cramped and last time I rode in one some guy who sat behind me wouldn't stop yanking my seatbelt across my neck. So I tend to avoid that if at all possible. It's also very difficult because they only go to the most-desired stores (I have little desire to shop at Wally World) and have short time limits at each one. You also get frowned on if you buy more than an ill-defined amount of groceries (limited space in the back). But it is a very cheap option, albeit a crappy one, should it become impossible to find a private party to ride with.

For the second item, I don't even know who sells groceries online, other than Amazon. I will look into it, though.

[fireheart]

For the second item, I don't even know who sells groceries online, other than Amazon. I will look into it, though.

Check and see if your local groceries will run those services...usually they're labelled homeshop, home delivery or similar. They tend to work in one of three ways:

1) You (or someone else) makes an order directly at the store and then arranges for it to be home delivered (basically you shop and pay as normal, but leave the cart). You give them a time frame as to when it can be delivered. If you have a way to get to the grocery store other than by her, I'd try this method if they offer home delivery.

2) You make the order online, they select it through a warehouse and it gets delivered within a couple of days.

3) You make the order online and your nearest supermarket does the order and it can be delivered same/different days.

I remember doing the home deliveries at my old job...

[Dentarthurdent]

There is one store in my town. The problem is they charge through the nose. Even if they did do home delivery I wouldn't want to drop my paycheck on it. The stores in "big city" that do delivery (again, almost two hours away) don't deliver to my area according to their websites. It was a good thought, though.