Kitty Advice

[saint]

Several years ago, out of nowhere, I had I stray cat meowing out my front door. It was horribly cold out, and she was obviously ill, and out of curiosity, I let her inside. Working night shift at the time I was worried about a cat wanting in and out etc while I was asleep. But as soon as I lay down, she jumped on the bed with me, cuddled up, and never left.

She became an inside kitty, was healthy and sweet, and was my little blonde shadow. She just wanted to be wherever I was.

A couple weeks ago I had to let her go. We didn't know it until then, but she had a disease called feline immunodeficiency virus. Essentially the cat version of aids. The treatments would've been more for my selfish needs to keep her alive, and would've just prolonged her life, but not stop her deterioration. She would've been sick and suffering. I couldn't put my furry friend through more pain. I loved her too much to make her to stay.

The last few weeks have been rough. Some days are harder than others. But some days are getting better.

As I, and the rest of the household, begin to get to the other side of our grief, the question of getting another cat has come up. I know that, presently speaking, my heart just isn't ready.
But I'm concerned that if i do get a another, I'll be disappointed that she's not just like my kitty. That I'll only be trying to replace and replicate, not being able to love another for their own personality. But I'm also finding myself really lonely. My bed is too big now, and it's too quiet. And damned if I don't even miss her shedding and digging to Russia in the litter-box.

Maybe I'm pushing too hard to get over it, or over-thinking things. But I guess I'm asking for peoples own experiences in this. Where you ever really ready for another furbaby?

[Aethian]

It takes time sometimes to decide to do another pet. I think now after so many years of my Sabrina being gone that I want another feline pet but I can't have one right now.

Just know that while a new cat may remind you of the old in some actions. You'll soon find yourself matching their new actions to them alone. Besides you might get adopted again.

[BlaqueKatt]

I know that, presently speaking, my heart just isn't ready.
But I'm concerned that if i do get a another, I'll be disappointed that she's not just like my kitty. That I'll only be trying to replace and replicate, not being able to love another for their own personality.

visit a shelter, and look at the senior cats*, they have fully developed personalities, and you'd love them for that as opposed to the "ooo adorable kitten" "replacement".

Generally speaking, as humans, we don't pick our cats, they choose us.


*also everyone wants kittens, the senior cats need extra love as they were likely abandoned because they were no longer "cute little kittens"

[MoonCat]

Each cat has its own personality, its own needs. Get one if you can accept this; and I think you will, if not now, eventually. In my experience, Bast will send you someone who needs you.

And there is this:

Another cat? Perhaps. For love there is also a season; its seeds
must be resown. But a family cat is not replaceable like a worn out
coat or a set of tires. Each new kitten becomes its own cat, and none
is repeated. I am four cats old, measuring out my life in friends
that have succeeded but not replaced one another.— Irving Townsend

[mathnerd]

When you are ready, the right cat will find you.

[Seshat]

I agree with mathnerd, but be aware: the right cat might be in a shelter.

The right dog for us was in a shelter.

Go to a shelter. Talk to the staff (or volunteers) who know the animals. Tell them of your concerns, including your concern that you might be trying to replace your darling instead of finding a new cat with her own personalities and quirks.

Ask if you can talk to the cats they have, see and hear and pet them, get to know them a bit. And if one of the cats they have today wants to come home with you, she or he will let you know.

If noone clicks, that's fine. Try again next week, or next month, or in six months.

[Sakka]

I agree with mathnerd, but be aware: the right cat might be in a shelter.

Definately this.

A few years back, we had two cats, siblings (Male orange and female solid black). One day, the brother went missing. The sister spent the next week wandering around the yard calling for him, loudly, on and off for the whole day, before coming in grumbling away and would take a swipe at any nearby humans out of frustration

After a week - week and a half of this, dad and brother went to the local shelter to get another cat so the sister cat would have another cat in the house to micromanage. Out of all the cats at the shelter, there was this little black and white ball of fluff that kept following brother around. They were originally looking for an orange cat to make the transition easier for the remaining cat. The black and white ball of fluff had other ideas about that.

A humourous exchange with the front counter person when adopting that cat.
FC: Wow Dudley, you really have them fooled, eh?
Cat: *innocent look*
Dad: *wondering just what that is supposed to mean.*


Dad and brother ended up bringing that cat home, and about a week later, both cats had mostly settled into accepting each other.

[Lyse]

When I lost my ginger tabby at 14, I had the same worries. I held off on another cat for months because of it. When I finally went to the local cat adoption center, I purposely went looking for a black cat because 1) I wouldn't worry as much about trying to make him into his predecessor and 2) black cats have a hard time being adopted - at least around here. It's been four years and no, Pyewacket isn't Wolverine, but he's adorable and loving and I'm so thankful I have him.

[blas]

Our little Demon found my mom and dad at PetSmart one day when they were buying a bubbler for Tiger.

She was the only cat awake in those little cubbies. Sitting straight up staring away with those big yellow eyes. I went to see her the next day. Gorgeous tortie kitty she is.

[Pixilated]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a cat with FIV and the diagnosis was a bit of a shock ... I'd never heard of it before.

I can't add anything to the excellent advice already given, mainly because I've always been a multiple-cat household. I can add that I've always found it a comfort to know that, while I've lost one cat and am grieving over that loss, there are other cats at home who still need me.

[saint]

I had never heard of FIV until now, either. And my concern with finding another cat from a shelter, is that the shelter here is kind of iffy. A friend at work got 2 cats from there, and both tested positive for FIV. And I've heard of other people having problems during the adoption process, as well as getting animals with various (sometimes deadly) health issues.
That's not to say I wouldn't love and adopt a cat that had certain needs medically speaking, but I'm not in a position financially to be able to care for a cat that will possibly need long term and expensive care.

I did have my moms cat tested, just to make sure she was clear before i would even consider bringing in another cat, and she tested negative, so woohoo there.

My concern with adopting an adult cat is that with their fully grown personalities a new adult and my mothers adult cat wont get along. My rainbow bridge kitty and moms cat didn't get along well, and it caused a few issues, and I like to at least give her the best shot I can at having a good companion, as well. I'm not saying I looking for BFFs, but I don't want to make it worse on her.

On a side note, although moms cat and mine didn't get along, moms cat still looks for my kitty. She meows at doors and looks for her in all her old spots. And she was never really my buddy, didn't want in my lap, but is always in moms. For the last 2 weeks she has seeking me out at odd times, completely ignoring mom at times, to lay in my lap and comfort me. Amazing how such a small creature can show that empathy and compassion, and such love. How anyone can think that these creatures don't have souls is beyond me.

[Seshat]

If your shelter isn't trustworthy, your vet probably knows someone who's acting informally as a shelter.

Our own vet frequently has pets for adoption, or knows people who are currently fostering adoptable animals. And because she knows us and our animals, she can match fairly well.

Add that our vet knows other vets who know other vets .. and you have an effective system for finding vet-known, vet-certified animals.

[Sapphire Silk]

I gotta agree with the previous comments. The right cat is probably in a shelter.

When Stumps got hit by a car two years ago, I was devastated. It tore me up to lose him; he was such a great cat (pics of him in my gallery).

After a few weeks, my friend J from work told me, "Get yourself down to the shelter and get yourself another cat." Apparently, I'd been moping more than I thought I had.

So I did. Go to the shelter, that is.

I found a wonderful orange tabby that reminded me a lot of Stumps. There was a family looking at him, and a little boy who'd fallen in love with him. I was jealous; I was falling for this guy too. The family did end up taking him.

I wasn't planning to get a kitten. I didn't want to raise a kitten; I wanted a more mellow cat. But then I found Taz (she was about 4 months old supposedly, though I think she was younger than that). She was a bundle of energy, but very sweet, and I fell in love with her immediately.

As soon as I got her home and let her out of the cat carrier she was bounding all over the house! She'd literally fly through the air past my head. She's quite the jumper.

I still miss Stumps, and Jasmine the cat I had before Stumps. But Taz is a great kitty (she's snuggling with me now as I type this). I can't get to sleep at night if there isn't a kitty in my bed, and I worry about Taz when I travel (I've been known to call my niece who cat sits for me just to check on Taz).

[Sapphire Silk]

I had never heard of FIV until now, either. And my concern with finding another cat from a shelter, is that the shelter here is kind of iffy. A friend at work got 2 cats from there, and both tested positive for FIV. And I've heard of other people having problems during the adoption process, as well as getting animals with various (sometimes deadly) health issues.
That's not to say I wouldn't love and adopt a cat that had certain needs medically speaking, but I'm not in a position financially to be able to care for a cat that will possibly need long term and expensive care.

That's understandable. But FIV doesn't have to lead to that. I had an FIV positive cat for 10 years. We got her as a kitten from a rescue (she'd been abused) and she was clear when we got her. But my roommate (Sheba was her cat) didn't do a good job of taking care of her, and she ran away. I later coaxed her back when I saw how thin she'd gotten, and once Sheba realized I'd adopted her as MY cat, she was good about sticking around the house (she would spend the days outside, and come in at night).

One day we found this puddle of nasty gunk around the baseboard of the living room. Then I realized her fur was matted with the stuff. She had a massive abscess that had burst open. I took her to the vet, he cleaned the wound out, bandaged it up, gave her a shot of antibiotics and I took her home that night. That's when we found out about the FIV.

I tried to keep her indoors from then on out, but she'd get out no matter what I did. She never got another abscess, though. She avoided other cats, did not like to be around them at all (we had another cat at the time, she hated him). The last couple of years I had her, she finally became an indoor only cat.

I only had the one issue with her; otherwise she was healthy. If anything, I overfed her and she got rather fat and lazy. But she was happy with me (didn't trust other people much, can't blame her).

My concern with adopting an adult cat is that with their fully grown personalities a new adult and my mothers adult cat wont get along. My rainbow bridge kitty and moms cat didn't get along well, and it caused a few issues, and I like to at least give her the best shot I can at having a good companion, as well. I'm not saying I looking for BFFs, but I don't want to make it worse on her.

Well, that's another legit concern. I know people successfully integrate new cats into a household, but I've never been able to do it. If I ever have two cats again, I will get them both as kittens and let them grow up together.

On a side note, although moms cat and mine didn't get along, moms cat still looks for my kitty. She meows at doors and looks for her in all her old spots. And she was never really my buddy, didn't want in my lap, but is always in moms. For the last 2 weeks she has seeking me out at odd times, completely ignoring mom at times, to lay in my lap and comfort me. Amazing how such a small creature can show that empathy and compassion, and such love. How anyone can think that these creatures don't have souls is beyond me.

Amen to that. My neighbor has a black long haired cat who was best friends with Stumps. They would play and hunt together in the neighborhood. Stumps was such a great cat, he was well liked by the neighbors. Lucky has been haunting my yard looking for Stumps ever since he died two years ago. He's never met my current cat, Taz, because I don't let her outside.

[Pixilated]

That's an interesting observation about integrating a new cat ... I am lucky that I have never, ever had a problem with it. If you can find a reputable shelter (good suggestion to ask your vet!) perhaps they can offer some suggestions on how to pick a cat that's a good "fit" for your mom's cat.

My FIV kitty, Tom Drooly, had had a series of very minor health issues that caused the vet to check him first for feline leukemia and also for FIV. I was a little worried when one of my current cats (Fuzzy Butt) displayed one of those symptoms (skin problems) but in his case it turned out to be freakin' allergies ...