Family and Differing Religions; Acceptance

[Kisa]

I apologize for my sporadic activity. My life has been very busy and hectic as I have 3 jobs, college, pets, family issues, health issues, multiple projects, and more. Anyway, on to the reason for my post. Note: DO NOT make this into a religious debate. I DO NOT want this to go into fratching territory. Violators will be struck with a fresh salmon. You have been warned -.-

I have considered myself a Christian for the majority of my life. I first started having doubts when I was in middle school and I started questioning some of the things I read in the Bible that, in my eyes, didn't make sense. Over the years, this escalated and I kept finding more and more things that I didn't like/didn't agree with/didn't make sense/etc. Whenever I would encounter one of these things, I would either omit it from my beliefs or alter it to fit my beliefs. Also, I began experiencing "supernatural" things during my teen years that swayed my beliefs. This continued until just over a year ago. I finally stopped what I was doing and took a step back to see that me religion had become something so far away from where I started that I felt I could no longer call myself a Christian.

For a while, I wasn't sure what I was. I knew I wasn't Christian, but I didn't know of any religion that matched my beliefs. Staying true to my nature, I picked up some books and began researching. The first book I got was difficult because I knew my mother would disapprove. I had to fib and say I was doing research for a book I was thinking about writing. She still didn't like it. It scared her; the fact that I was reading it. The book resonated with me on a special level but I decided to cast it aside in search of a less controversial religion. (Let's call this controversial religion, Religion X.)

Next, I researched other Abrahamic religions thinking if one of those fit, my mother would disapprove less. Judaism was a bust and Islam didn't fit me at all; neither did any of the other branches of Christianity. Then, I retreated to the Interwebz because I knew so little about religions outside the Abrahamic faiths. Hinduism didn't fit, nor Taoism, nor Jainism, nor Scientology, nor Unitarian Universalism, etc, etc, etc. The ones I found that did catch my attention were Buddhism, Paganism, and Wicca.

Back to the library I go! I picked up a book on Buddhism, a Pagan book, a book on Wicca, and the first book I got because it was on the shelf there and I felt that I had to get it again. I was drawn to it again. With Buddhism, the faith didn't resonate with me but the teachings did. Wicca didn't make the cut. Paganism was a near perfect match. I mixed Paganism with Buddhism and viola, I had my religion. I still felt a deep connection with Religion X, so I did some research online in secret and discovered that it is actually a Pagan path. The more I learned, the more I realized that it fits me 99% perfectly. Add in a little Buddhism and you got yourself 100% religion.

I decided now that I know my true religion, I want to practice it and get involved. I immediately ran into several big snags:
1) There are no groups in my state for this religion.
2) There is little available information on this religion.
3) I would need to hide it from my mother to avoid scaring her.
Luckily, she didn't notice the altar I made but the fact that she could see it stressed me out so badly. Plus the fact that she kept trying to talk Christianity with me and start up conversations about God and Jesus and whatnot. I hate lying. I'm a terrible liar and lying in and of itself stresses me out to such an extent that I normally avoid it at all costs. I decided to tell her because she would probably find out anyway; my altar seems to grow periodically and it's getting harder and harder to overlook.

I figured "Mom I'm not a Christian" would be a better starting point than "Mom I'm not a Christian and I've converted to Religion X." (Side note: Religion X has a terrible and completely false reputation. I know I'd have a hard time convincing her that its false reputation is indeed false.) So I finally told her that I'm not a Christian and it went over better than I thought it would. She just said she'll love me no matter what and left it at that. "This is wonderful," I thought. "I'll let this sink in for a bit and then hint that I'm a Pagan, and so on. Baby steps." That was last week.

Yesterday, we spent the day together running errands, shopping, we went out to eat (I had most of the day off). It was nice, calm, fun. When we got home, she asked me if I thought Uncle was a smart man. I was majorly confused but said yes I do think he's smart. She went on to tell me that Uncle used to be a non-believer but now he believes and even was a pastor at a church for a bit of time and that I should talk to him. I guess she's not as ok with it as I thought. I told her that I don't agree with a lot of the things in the Bible, Christianity doesn't make me happy, and I want to be able to find a religion that doesn't make me happy. She replied with, "Well the truth isn't there to make you happy. It's there because it's the truth whether or not you like it." ......Great. Beautiful. Lovely. She then asked me to name off some things that I don't like in the Bible. Not wanting to touch the controversial debate topics, I opted to list off some of the Bible verses that deeply disturbed me. Some she wrote off as silly Old Testament laws that no body follows. Others, she didn't know about and she was deeply shocked hearing them and didn't believe that they were even in the Bible until I showed her that they were. (Reminder: NO FRATCHING PEOPLE!!! No Bible debates!! I haz teh salmon! *shakes fish in the air*)

Now, she has written the verses down and plans on talking to her Christian friends to get an explanation for them. She also told me that she knows I will come back and that God is trying to talk to me but I just can't hear him right now. Basically, Progress=-2000. I'm not trying to unconvince her of her religion nor am I trying to convert her to mine. I just want her to accept me for who I am and let me be me. Also, now I'm beginning to doubt my religion and am considering just dumping the whole religion thing and being an atheist. I really want to stick to my religion but it's hard to believe when you can't practice, know no others who practice, and have the world telling you it's wrong and evil.

My questions are:
1) Any ideas on how to get my mom to accept me and stop trying to "save" me?
2) Should I try to pursue my religion or just scrap it?

[wolfie]

Disclaimer: I'm not a practicing member of any religion, so I may have a mistaken understanding, but from what I've heard about various religions, a couple quotes would apply to your situation:

Wicca - That which harms none, do what you will
Christianity - Do unto others as you would have others do unto you

From what you've described, your new faith doesn't harm anyone. Also, you're not trying to convert your mother to this faith. IMNSHO, it's perfectly OK for you to follow this faith, and your mother should extend the same courtesy to you that you're extending to her, namely not trying to convert you back to a faith that doesn't fit you.

[Gravekeeper]

I must admit I'm curious as to this bogyman Religion X. Nothing you described sounds like the sort of thing the whole world thinks is ebil. Especially if you're going down Buddhism, Wiccan, etc sort of paths. Though as a minor note from someone who was a Buddhist for many years: You don't need faith there. Only one branch of Buddhism has faith too it. The rest are just about the wisdom of the teachings and are suppose to be freely used. Even for people who are not actually Buddhist.

IMO, religion and spirituality are a personal thing. No one should dissuade you from it unless you're going all fundie or joining a cult.

I mean, my own beliefs require a thesis to explain because I've been down a lot of different paths trying to find the bits and pieces that sounded legit. This has the added benefit of whenever someone asks me what religion I am, they don't recognize the answer so can't start an argument anyway. ;p

I should add that my mom is Christian and I'm not, and we have rather indepth discussions about religion, spirituality, science, etc. She has no problem with me not being Christian and I have no problem with her being Christian because she's very much onto the true teachings of Jesus part. So she's not a dick about it and believes it should be a personal thing anyway.

[Pixilated]

Definitely keep practicing, if it it is a religion that resonates with and has meaning for you!

As to dealing with your mother ... would it be feasible to just say (with a smile), "Mom, I know you mean well, but I don't really want to discuss this"? Is it possible for you to just shut down any discussions, either by diverting to another subject or by physically leaving the room? I'm thinking your Mom feels that if she can "explain" things thoroughly enough and in just the right way, she can bring you back to the beliefs she wants you to have. It's going to be an exercise in frustration for both of you.

Disclaimer: I'm not a practitioner of any particular religion.

[Seshat]

I must admit I'm curious as to this bogyman Religion X. Nothing you described sounds like the sort of thing the whole world thinks is ebil. Especially if you're going down Buddhism, Wiccan, etc sort of paths.

Voodoo sort of springs to mind immediately as a religion that has a reputation as EVIL! but isn't. Scientology has its serious detractors. So does Mormonism, JWs, Islam, Christianity, Roman Catholicism ...

Kisa, don't give up your religion for the sake of others. If you're happy practicing it, practice it.

If you feel you need company practicing it, give some thought to either moving, or simply taking a vacation to someplace where people do practice it. If we were talking Voodoo (and we're not, we're talking Religion X), I would recommend a holiday in New Orleans and visiting a Carribean Cultural Centre while you're there.
(PS: check the room rates at Moirae's hotel if you're going to NO. Even if you can't afford the room, drop in and say hi.)

[Eevie]

I'll simply say this, if it makes you happy, go for it. Although I definitely curious about Religion X...

[Gravekeeper]

Voodoo sort of springs to mind immediately as a religion that has a reputation as EVIL! but isn't. Scientology has its serious detractors. So does Mormonism, JWs, Islam, Christianity, Roman Catholicism ...

I'd think the problem with voodoo would be more that people would think you were joking. Scientology on the other is a cult. That would worry me too.

Besides, sadly, Islam has taken the scary ebil crown in the US at the moment.

[Jester]

I'm also curious what this Religion X is.

As a side note, GK, do you have any suggestions for readings on Buddhist teachings?

[telecom_goddess]

I think I know what Religion X is and for the record....I'm reading up on it myself right now. I agree with a lot of their philosophies.

[cindybubbles]

What is this Religion X? I'm a Catholic, and will stick to it, no matter what the controversies. Besides, I like our current pope being a leader for the people, and not for the elite. As a matter of fact, I don't even attempt to save anyone. Why should I bother if they are happy with their religions or belief systems? I would only end up alienating them. Only God may judge.

Anyways, as long as you don't break the law, do whatever your gut says. Maybe stop talking to your mother for a while, if you can. If she doesn't, put a restraining order on her. We Christians should know better to back off and just pray privately.

[AccountingDrone]

. We Christians should know better to back off and just pray privately.

Guess the religion, Thelemic Mysticism?

I have a very very catholic friend, I am agnostic with pagan leanings though raised northern baptist. We joke that he won't burn me at the stake if I won't throw him to a lion. We have been friends now for about 20 years. It seems to work for us.

[Kisa]

Since everyone is so curious I may as well spill the beans. Religion X=Haitian Vodou.I really try not to talk about my religion because the crap I get back is unbelievable. The usual reaction is sheer horror. I've had people ask me if I curse people, stick pins in dolls, sacrifice people, drink blood, I've had people ask me TO curse someone or make them a doll to get revenge on an ex. Some of that does happen in New Orleans Voodoo/Hoodoo but the majority of it is Hollywood bull crap.

Long story short, some people many years ago went to Haiti and saw the natives practicing their religion and decided it was devil's worship.They then began gathing information through observation and interrogation. Priests and priestesses were tortured until they told the people what they wanted to hear. This information was then compiled into a book and puplished. Hollywood saw the book and decided this "Voodoo" stuff would make for a great horror flick and ran with it.

1) Vodouisants do not curse people. 99% of them practice right handed or "white" magick used to help and heal. The belief behind this is much like the Pagan Threefold Rule; it is believed that doing good brings good and doing bad brings bad. The 1% that do use left handed or "black" magick mostly only do so for protection or for personal gain (like "I'll give you this revenge potion for $50 although it cost me $0.05 to make out of dirt and salt." Not saying all left handed practitioners are scammers but many of them are out for themselves which doesn't help Vodou's bad name.)

2) The whole pin doll thing is wayyyy off mark. The dolls are called poppets and they are made to be home to the spirits. You make them with a spirit in mind with his/her colors and other little doodads and the spirit can inhabit the doll when they visit you. It's kinda like offering your Aunt a chair to sit in when she drops in for a visit.

3) The human sacrifice is also bogus. In Haiti, animals are killed during feasts but they are killed quickly and humanely and the whole animal is used for food and the like. No parts are wasted.

4) Vodouisants don't believe in a devil so they're not devil worshippers. They believe in a god, but they believe that he is remote and therefore cannot and will not interfere with our daily lives. They believe that the spirit world is closely intertwined with our world so we instead develop close relationships with the spirits and go to them for help.

I must admit I'm curious as to this bogyman Religion X. Nothing you described sounds like the sort of thing the whole world thinks is ebil. Especially if you're going down Buddhism, Wiccan, etc sort of paths. Though as a minor note from someone who was a Buddhist for many years: You don't need faith there. Only one branch of Buddhism has faith too it. The rest are just about the wisdom of the teachings and are suppose to be freely used. Even for people who are not actually Buddhist.

IMO, religion and spirituality are a personal thing. No one should dissuade you from it unless you're going all fundie or joining a cult.

I mean, my own beliefs require a thesis to explain because I've been down a lot of different paths trying to find the bits and pieces that sounded legit. This has the added benefit of whenever someone asks me what religion I am, they don't recognize the answer so can't start an argument anyway. ;p

I should add that my mom is Christian and I'm not, and we have rather indepth discussions about religion, spirituality, science, etc. She has no problem with me not being Christian and I have no problem with her being Christian because she's very much onto the true teachings of Jesus part. So she's not a dick about it and believes it should be a personal thing anyway.

The problem is most people don't see it as a religion and just go along with what they see on TV and read in horror novels. The general populace sees it as a devil cult. And yes, I'm not a Buddhist by faith but rather I apply their philosophies and teaching to my life because, honestly, I think it's beautiful and uplifting. "You are your own master" speaks to me more than "pray that God will fix it all for you." I'd love for me and my mom to have a relationship like you and your mother do; mutual respect but having it out in the open as opposed to "Ogod no one talk about it because it's taboo and ebil!"

If you feel you need company practicing it, give some thought to either moving, or simply taking a vacation to someplace where people do practice it. If we were talking Voodoo (and we're not, we're talking Religion X), I would recommend a holiday in New Orleans and visiting a Carribean Cultural Centre while you're there.
(PS: check the room rates at Moirae's hotel if you're going to NO. Even if you can't afford the room, drop in and say hi.)

My path is closer to Haitian Vodou than New Orleans Voodoo but they are similar enough that it would be a wonderful experience. I'll definitely stop in to see Moirae if I go

I'd think the problem with voodoo would be more that people would think you were joking.

Oh I wish that was the type of reaction I got. I get people who flip their shit or back away slowly with a shockhorror expression on their face.

[Gravekeeper]

I'm also curious what this Religion X is.

As a side note, GK, do you have any suggestions for readings on Buddhist teachings?

You're best off reading the Dalai Llama's books to be bluntly honest. Or anyone else who can plain English it for you. Direct English translations of Buddhist texts do not work well. One of the reasons it can be so obtuse to get into is those direct translations. The wording is brain meltingly obtuse. >.>

There are concepts in Buddhism where I would read a 20 page chapter on it and my head would hurt. Then read two sentences on it from the Dalai Llama in plain English and understand it immediately.

Since everyone is so curious I may as well spill the beans. Religion X=Haitian Vodou.

I didn't know Vodouisants was a word. Duly noted in my vocabulary. Truth be told it doesn't sound much different from any other earthy or spirit based religions. I can see how you went from pagan/wiccan into it. It even sounds a little bit Shinto with its views on spirits and Deist with its view towards god/gods.

But I can see how it ( much like wiccan and paganism ) can inspire the OMFG TEH DEBIL reaction in the fundie Christian types down south. Voodoo, like Islam and Wicca/Paganism, got the Hollywood treatment for a while as a convenient bad guy.

[Moirae]

One thing I realized a long time ago is that it doesn't matter what others think about how you believe. I really feel that more people need to realize that their religion is only their religion. That doesn't mean it needs to apply to others too.

When I told my christian grandmother what I believe, she had a great philosophy and said the most interesting thing to me... "Well I don't agree with you, but it's up to you". She's 88 years old now and even though sometimes she reminds me of Rose Nyland from Golden Girls, she's got alot of history and knowledge behind her, and occasionally she says something unintentionally incredibly wise. She's also one of the sweetest old ladies you will ever meet in your life.

My suggestion is to tell your mother "I may come back to your religion, I may not. But you need to leave me alone to find out for myself, not try to push me back in to it. The more you push, the more I will push back because you don't make my decisions for me. Please respect me enough to let me make my own way in life".

Then, let it be. Ignore her. One thing you realize when you are an adult is that the only person that controls your life is you. Even a beloved parent can't make your path in life for you.

As for the religion... voodoo is actually based on the christian religion anyway. It is not evil any more than wicca is evil. Though, of course, there are certain segments of the religions devoted to the wrong things (even Wiccans have people who claim to do blood magic even though no normal Wiccan would EVER consider that valid within the religion).

If you are interested, give me a pm and I'll give you rates. Also, if you come here, I suggest you go to Reverend Zombie's Voodoo Shop. Marie Leveau's Voodoo Shop is another good one. Speaking with the people who run them will allow you to find out who to get in contact with and they may have suggestions of their own. Reverence Zombie's even has a real altar in the shop. Keep in mind that a portion of these shops also cater to tourists. Voodoo tends to scare people and in this way, they keep it light so it's not so frightening.

...snip...

I didn't know Vodouisants was a word. Duly noted in my vocabulary. Truth be told it doesn't sound much different from any other earthy or spirit based religions. I can see how you went from pagan/wiccan into it. It even sounds a little bit Shinto with its views on spirits and Deist with its view towards god/gods.

But I can see how it ( much like wiccan and paganism ) can inspire the OMFG TEH DEBIL reaction in the fundie Christian types down south. Voodoo, like Islam and Wicca/Paganism, got the Hollywood treatment for a while as a convenient bad guy.

Actually, Voodoo is spelled many different ways. I've even seen it Voudun, Vodon, and others.

Truthfully, New Orleans has a strange mix of religions and acceptance thereof. It's a very catholic city (hence such things as Mardi Gras. Though it's been turned in to a party, it's actually based on Lent), but other religions aren't unheard of. I've never once seen a Mormon or a Jehovah's Witness going door to door here though my husband says he's had that happen to him a few times. Wicca and Voodoo are quite popular here (as minor religions). Protestants and Budhism also exist here, among others. There's even a Temple of the Vampire (yes, a real religion, though I don't know the details, though they are not based here) and a Followers of the Left Hand Path church (Official name is Setian, prounced See shan) here.

Sounds weird I know this stuff, doesn't it. Comes from being so heavily involved in tourism and stuff here. You won't believe the stories you find out. People really like to talk.

[AccountingDrone]

If you are interested, give me a pm and I'll give you rates. .

Wish I had known you were in NO back when we did a round the country wander, we stopped in Lafayette on the way to Key West. NO is one of my favorite cities for a short stay off season - I have a thing for cafe du monde coffee and beignets, especially in the just post dawn coolness when it is all locals there for breakfast. Reminds me of a great time I had there one late spring/early summer building out a machine shop for the company I was working for, my work gang and I met up there for breakfast pretty much every morning because I wanted to stay at a small hotel there instead of an econobox boring motel.