Screw the Fox--What Does the Jester Say?

[Jester]

Without sounding too much like a whiny little shit, my confidence and self-esteem are flagging a bit at the moment, and I need to somehow reconnect with my inner asshole, and get back to where I was mentally and emotionally not that long ago. And for the life of me, I'm having trouble doing this.

Suggestions would be both appreciated and helpful.

[JustaCashier]

You need to get laid...

Mike

[TheSHAD0W]

What does the Jester say?

"Ugh, you're drinking Jack Daniels?"

"Seagrams? Really?"

"Thanks for the fifty cent tip!"

[mathnerd]

You need to get laid...

Mike

I'll second this.

On a more serious note:

Jester, you are an amzing person. You're caring, funny, smart, hardworking and every other positive adjective I can think of but don't feel like typing out. Don't ever forget that. I consider myself extremely fortunate to not only know you through this site, but to be lucky enough to be a real life friend. Fate really did smile on me the day I sent that first PM. I'm quite certain your other friends would say something similar.

So give yourself just a little more time to be mopey, then remember what an incredible man you are, dust yourself off and get back out there!

[NecessaryCatharsis]

I think the road to the cure really depends on why your confidence left you. Did you fuck something up badly enough to leave yourself shaken? Did someone else start the downturn, through pointing out of faults, perceived or real, or picking at you? Or is this just some sort of ..... ennui? (I don't know the word in English, just a general pointless lethargy/malcontent)

[drews]

I am not sure what you are feeling but everyday when I get on this site I look for post made by you. They are always funny and many times informative. Take care and I hope you feel beter soon.

[Jester]

You need to get laid...

Oddly enough, not the problem at the moment. Actually have plenty of opportunity to do so, and just can't find it in me to give a shit about it.

Which should tell you something about where my head is lately.

[Mikkel]

Which should tell you something about where my head is lately.

More than three feet above the ground .
Seriously, are there any reason you feel like that? If there isn't, you might see your doctor and ask about depression.

[Jester]

There are reasons, of course. And no, I am not clinically depressed, nor do I need to see a doctor. I know in my head that I need to move forward, and that things will get better, and yada yada yada. But knowing something and being able to feel it are two different things. And as I'm typing this, I know what utter bullshit it is. I recognize it, but I just can't really wrap myself around it. Blah blah blah....you know the drill.

[sms001]

some sort of ..... ennui? (I don't know the word in English....)

Yes you do. It's "ennui."

[Mikkel]

Blah blah blah....you know the drill.

Much too well.

[Seshat]

Jester,

You just described ennui (which is, yes, a word that English stole from someone else. Probably French).

Ennui can develop into clinical depression: given that you probably aren't suffering from major depression, I'm going to give you all the tricks and techniques to head it off.

(BTW: NOW you know what we feel like - except that the tricks and techniques I'm going to give you /don't/ work if you're suffering the severe form. But people I trust assure me that they DO work if you've got the mild, subclinical level.)

Chemical/nutritional issues:
* Check your vitamin D. Too little can cause depression-like symptoms.
* Make sure you eat oily fish, nuts, olive oil that hasn't been refined to uselessness, and/or linseed oil. Without essential fatty acids (a teaspoonful every few days is enough), your brain can't make endorphins.
* Make sure you eat leafy greens, as well. And use herbs and spices to ensure micronutrients: as wide a variety thereof as you can manage. Knowing your cooking, Jester, that's probably not an issue - but make an extra effort.

And yes, I know how ironic it is to say 'make an extra effort' to someone suffering what you're going through. Intimately.


Exercise:
* IIRC, you use a bicycle some of the time. Try to do some sort of physical exercise daily - and yes, you don' wanna, don' feel like it, and it probably won't lift your spirits immediately. I know that, too. BTDT, want the t-shirt?
Sadly, it's an essential part of the cure.


Social activity:
Even for introverts, some social activity is part of the cure. For an extrovert, especially a naturally gregarious one like you ... yeah, you're gonna have to get out there. Ask some friends to help you, even if they go to your place and have a sitting-in card games night.


Faking it:
Faking feeling like your normal self can sometimes bring it back. Or so I'm told: in my experience, 'depressed' is my normal self.


Other techniques: self-expression.
ANY form of expressing your feelings, will help. Yes, expressing ennui can get rid of it.
Journalling, art, music, gardening. If it were anger, I'd suggest beating up cushions and pillows: ennui you can't really do that.

Make up a nice batch of dough that needs to be kneaded, and spend extra time kneading it. Just .. knead it till you feel a bit more normal. The time it takes to knead it correctly will guarantee you give this a fair try - if it seems to be helping, just keep going.
Doesn't matter if it gets overkneaded: the ingredients for dough are cheap; and if it needs to be thrown out, it can go into someone's compost bin.

Meditation, or anything that puts you into a mindstate of unthinking, can help. Some people run, some knit, or bake, or ride bikes, or surf, or sculpt. Heck, some sweep. Another thing that can help is mindfulness; focussing on the now and what you're doing and your body is feeling now.

Try any or all of these techniques, and others that you can remember from these boards or other boards. Try techniques from 'self help' books: preferably the ones with a solid background of sensible-ness!
Anything from the Dalai Llama is worth a read: buddhism has centuries of background in being sensible about emotional well-being; and the DL has learned how to write in English specifically to communicate with us modern Westerners.

('What do you think of Western Civilisation?' 'I think it would be a very good idea' - attributed to Ghandi and a journalist.)

I think that's enough to go on with.

Jester: the most important thing is not to worry. THis is the mental equivalent of the common cold. Left on its own, it should pass. The only concern is to keep an eye on it, so it doesn't develop into the mental equivalent of bronchitis or pneumonia.

[Jester]

Faking it:
Faking feeling like your normal self can sometimes bring it back.

I'm a bartender. I fake it fairly often, and yes, it often does put me in a good mood. Unless, of course, I deal with a disproportionate number of assholes and/or cheap tippers.

('What do you think of Western Civilisation?' 'I think it would be a very good idea' - attributed to Ghandi and a journalist.)

Love that. Reminds me of the time John McKay, an American football coach, was asked what he thought of his very bad team's execution. He responded, "I'm all for it."

[ComputerNecromancer]

There are reasons, of course. And no, I am not clinically depressed, nor do I need to see a doctor. I know in my head that I need to move forward, and that things will get better, and yada yada yada. But knowing something and being able to feel it are two different things. And as I'm typing this, I know what utter bullshit it is. I recognize it, but I just can't really wrap myself around it. Blah blah blah....you know the drill.

Jester? What do you think clinical depression *is*?

You've pretty much described it (or at least one of the major variants)

BTW, while lowered sex drive can be a symptom of depression, sometimes it *and* depression can be caused by low testosterone levels. Which also causes low "energy" levels. Easy to test for and a quick fix if it's the case.

[Seshat]

Necromancer is right. That's a description of one of the variations of depression. Especially this part: "nd as I'm typing this, I know what utter bullshit it is. I recognize it, but I just can't really wrap myself around it."


That part is why my dear Bast feels 'like herself' when she's on her meds: she's no longer 'outside looking in', watching herself but helpless to actually act. Without her meds, even the best behavioural/thought 'physiotherapy for the mind' doesn't actually bring 'her' into play: and without meds, the effort involved in forcing myself to give these things any sort of trial at all feels like I'm climbing Everest.

Anyway... most people never actually need the meds. And most of those who do, only need them long enough for the 'physiotherapy for the mind' to kick in. So give the ideas I mentioned, and those of others, a try.

The fact that 'faking it till you smile' works for you means you've almost certainly just got a light case of it. And like a cold, it'll pass in two weeks with medication and fourteen days without.


(Time estimates may not be accurate. But the intent of the joke is.)