Doing the long-distance thing

[fireheart]

OK, so my partner is currently looking for jobs interstate as his particular field has all but dried up in South Australia. (He works in IT) While he doesn't mind his current job and it pays somewhat well, he's wanting to do something more practical than Internet Tech Support.

He's managed to score a job interview for a company that's US-based but has a Melbourne office (and yes, the company is legit, I looked them up). The company says they'll negotiate relocation costs with him if needed.

I unfortunately, won't be able to join him until at least mid-June as I have a teaching prac that I need to do in order to get my teaching license. In terms of jobs, the company I currently work has jobs nation-wide, transferring is easy and the company I work for is also Melbourne-based.

So that leaves at least a 3-4 month gap where I won't be able to see him (much).

My question for everyone is: how do you guys handle the long-distance thing? Flights from Adelaide-Melbourne aren't that much (thank god) so I will be able to visit him occasionally, but there will be a 6-week period when I can't visit him AT ALL. How do you guys cope?

[Teysa]

I might be able to help a little with this. I've worked the last two summers in Alaska while my husband has stayed home in Texas. The biggest thing is communication. We would talk on the phone whenever we could, usually on my days off. Whenever I'd have a good internet connection, we'd also chat on Facebook. If you talk everyday or almost everyday, the separation won't be as hard. While I do miss him when I'm gone, I tend to treasure the time we do have together more now.

[MaggieTheCat]

I agree that talking on the phone (or video chatting, if that is an option for you) every day or almost every day is important. My husband and I met online and did the long-distance thing for 1 1/2 years before I moved in with him. We also sometimes had opposing work schedules; he always worked 8am-5pm but my shift floated so I sometimes worked a similar shift as him but sometimes I would work something like 2pm-10pm or later. We made sure to talk on the phone, even if just for 5 or 10 minutes to say hi and how was your day.

We also found things to do "together." A big thing we did together was WoW (which, ironically, we both quit playing really shortly after I moved in with him. It really was just an interactive thing we did while we were living apart.) We also would watch movies together while on the phone so we could comment to each other about them. Also we read books together on the phone; we would each get a copy of the same book and take turns reading chapters to each other.

If either or both of you are into tabletop gaming, there are a couple of good systems that we've discovered that work well with virtual players. They have lots of narrative and no gridmaps or minis so the player or players who are connecting virtually to the host don't need to be able to see a board or anything. I can give you more details if you're interested. We've kept in touch with a friend of ours who moved away a few years ago by playing with him virtually with systems like this.

[fireheart]

I agree that talking on the phone (or video chatting, if that is an option for you) every day or almost every day is important. My husband and I met online and did the long-distance thing for 1 1/2 years before I moved in with him. We also sometimes had opposing work schedules; he always worked 8am-5pm but my shift floated so I sometimes worked a similar shift as him but sometimes I would work something like 2pm-10pm or later. We made sure to talk on the phone, even if just for 5 or 10 minutes to say hi and how was your day.

I will remember this. We do have Skype, which killed his mouse last time, but seems to have worked this time .

If either or both of you are into tabletop gaming, there are a couple of good systems that we've discovered that work well with virtual players. They have lots of narrative and no gridmaps or minis so the player or players who are connecting virtually to the host don't need to be able to see a board or anything. I can give you more details if you're interested. We've kept in touch with a friend of ours who moved away a few years ago by playing with him virtually with systems like this.

He is, I'm not. I might bring this up with him though as he was in the process of selling off his minis. (When I first dated him, he took great pride in showing me his "Lahmian Vampire Chick" basically a very anatomically correct naked girl with blood around her mouth )

We have a couple of games that we'll play over multiplayer at the moment, although because he made the switch over to Linux (specifically Fedora), he's having trouble getting some of the games to work and a number of the games do not provide cross-platform support.

[Kheldarson]

Skype will be your best friend. Have regular chats with him. Arrange to do things together via that (Kabe and I roleplayed in various systems but you could watch movies, play chess or checkers, etc. Be creative!).

Do go for trips to see each other as you can afford. And make sure it's equitable to both of you. If one person ends up carrying the weight of visiting, that brings strain.

[Greenday]

I've been in a LDR for a while now. A couple years. Right now is the closest we've ever lived to each other and that's a six hour drive. You just deal with it. We have the rest of our lives to live together once she finishes law school (Plus the ridiculous amount of red tape we'll have to go through).

You just have to ask yourself, "Do I love him/her?" I love my girlfriend and it's worth it. It seems silly to get rid of the person I believe is right for me just because we can't be together right now.

[csquared]

Six months? That is a walk in the park. I had a long distance relationship for nine years. Well, not exactly as it wasn't always working. It did work out in the end. She is now The Wife.

The good news: You have a time limit. It is not opened ended with no end in sight. It is only six months.

You are going to find out a lot about yourselves. Namely, how much you trust each other. Insecurities are your worst enemy.

While phone calls, text messages and Skype are nice, don't tie up each other's time. He is going to need to make friends (you will too once you get up there). Make sure he has the time to do that. Along that same thought, you have friends that you will not be able to see once you move. Make sure that you spend some time with them.

Remember to keep yourselves busy. While our S.O. is a major part of our lives, they are not the only part. Other things needs to be done. If you are busy, you will have less time to dwell on the situation. Time will pass by more quickly, and you both will be happier when you see each other again.

I'm also old school. I recommend nice long letter over instant communications. Something that doesn't require an immediate response (goes to the above). Notes and cards are nice. You can also use email. These days I would probably use email. Not sure how The Wife ever read my handwriting.

Good luck!

[telecom_goddess]

oh that is going to be tough but it's really really good there is an end in sight. Not knowing when you will see each other is the hardest thing to deal with ever. I'm in a long distance relationship that's six months old right now and it's killing me because I don't know when I will see her. Having a time set would be so much easier.

I will ditto the sentiments about texting/email/facebook/chat. Having that contact every day helps me out a lot.

[MaggieTheCat]

oh that is going to be tough but it's really really good there is an end in sight. Not knowing when you will see each other is the hardest thing to deal with ever.

Ahh yeah, that was something we always tried to avoid too. We would always try to plan our next visit before our current one was over (or even further in advance, if possible) so that when we were at the airport getting ready to part ways, we could say, "See you in 2 months" or "See you in April" or whatever instead of "Well, hopefully I'll see you soon."