I know my wife is atypical, but...

[mjr]

Here's the situation:

We decided after we had our son several years back, that we weren't going to have any more children. We stopped at one. In fact, I'm trying to figure out a good way to bring up ME getting "the snip".

For some odd reason, she decided to keep the box in which the pregnancy tests came in (there were 3 in the box originally). There's one test in the box that has long since expired, and is never gonna be used. She has kept both the box and the unopened test.

I guess it's a sentimental thing.

Is this typical? She also has a lot of our son's baby clothes that he's long since grown out of. She insists on keeping all of them.

Is this typical?? Can someone explain this to me? I'm sentimental to a point as well, but this is one of those things that I kinda don't understand.

[Seshat]

Odd mementos are human. The pregnancy test kit, I can easily understand, especially if being (or just becoming) pregnant was a joyful thing for her.

Keeping some baby clothes is also normal: my mother has my Christening dress, and still has some of her favourites of both my childhood clothing. I still have a few special garments of my own that I've grown out of, like my senior formal dress.

That said, if she's keeping ALL of his babyhood clothing, she might have a hoarding problem. Does she keep other things, beyond the point where they're 'useful, beautiful or memorable'?

[Pimento]

The memento may not indicate something strange. Maybe ask her about it? The reaction to you suggesting keeping only the one or tossing them will speak volumes.

As for the snip: my wife has been back and forth lately (she has my step daughter. I have my son. She's back and forth on a third). Honestly I just told her that I think it's time. Were both approaching 30 and with our kids being 6/7 were in a great spot to have years where we can see the world and do things as 40 something's lol.

[mjr]

The pregnancy test kit, I can easily understand, especially if being (or just becoming) pregnant was a joyful thing for her.

I think it was, for the most part. She has told me that she never considered having kids until she met me (awww...how sweet!). I don't want to reveal too much, but she's nearing her mid-40's, and I'll turn 38 in October.

Keeping some baby clothes is also normal: my mother has my Christening dress, and still has some of her favourites of both my childhood clothing. I still have a few special garments of my own that I've grown out of, like my senior formal dress.

I get that, too. I still have my letterman jacket I earned my sophomore year of high school. I also bought an old football jersey with my number on it.

That said, if she's keeping ALL of his babyhood clothing, she might have a hoarding problem. Does she keep other things, beyond the point where they're 'useful, beautiful or memorable'?

I don't think it's a hoarding thing, because she doesn't do it with everything. Obviously she keeps important documents (financials, taxes, etc.), but with the clothing, we probably have 4 or 5 boxes in the garage just sitting there. And we've boxed up more stuff as he's grown out of it. She just doesn't want to get rid of it.

[mjr]

The memento may not indicate something strange. Maybe ask her about it? The reaction to you suggesting keeping only the one or tossing them will speak volumes.

Well, the thing about it is this: We don't have (I don't think) the actual positive test. This is simply the box with ONE unused test (out of three) in it.

As for the snip: my wife has been back and forth lately (she has my step daughter. I have my son. She's back and forth on a third). Honestly I just told her that I think it's time. Were both approaching 30 and with our kids being 6/7 were in a great spot to have years where we can see the world and do things as 40 something's lol.

Well, we've both agreed that we aren't having more children. She's nearing her mid 40's, and I'll be 38 in October. Our son will be 9 in April. She was just a couple of days from being considered "geriatric" from a birthing standpoint when he was born, and she had a couple of late-term complications (pre-eclampsia). That's why I'm considering it. The issue right now is getting "buy in" from her. That's not just something I'm going to unilaterally decide to do. I think she understands the procedure, but doesn't want to see me in whatever pain I might be in for the few days that it would persist.

[mathnerd]

I had a major guilt issue when it came to getting rid of baby clothes. I felt like if I got rid of the little stuff I was somehow not putting enough importance on my boys' baby years. Maybe it's weird, but I'm not the only mom I've heard of that struggled with feelings of guilt. Could it be something like that?

[MoonCat]

Well, women do get attached to stuff like that. I don't normally make "women are this way" statements, but I don't think I know more than one woman who didn't keep at least some of her kids' baby clothes. It's a sentimental thing. Heck, my mom had some of our stuff until we were in our 20's at least!

I'm guessing the pregnancy test is another thing with sentimental value. When she's ready, she'll get rid of it. You can probably expect those clothes to be around for a long time, though.

[Kanalah]

I've kept a few "favorite" clothes from each of my kids as they've grown up, but I'm planning on giving them a quilt made out of their favorite clothes on their 18th birthday.

[NecessaryCatharsis]

Just like to add that agree with everyone here, I've kept baby things that I know I will never need again, I plan on having no more babies. Things I never even look at, but I don't want to throw out. It's what some people do, and your wife keeping things probably has no bearing on her wanting or not wanting no more babies.

You want a sterilization for yourself, and she doesn't want you to because she is worried you will be in pain? Try to help her understand the reasons you want one and why you think that days of pain will be well worth the trade off, if it's more convenient not to worry about birth control, or not worrying about any surprise babies or whatever your thought is. If she doesn't think of it as a sacrifice you are making, but as something that will be a bonus for you (individual you or collective you) she may like the idea. Or she may tell you about some other issue that makes her not like the idea, then you will at least know where you stand on the topic.

ETA: Just reread and realized you are worried about a surprise baby with health consequences for wife and/or baby. If you explain to her that you think the pain from surgery for a short time is less harmful to you than the worry about a dangerous pregnancy in the long term it may help her understand.

[cleorose]

Its not uncommon for wives to keep stuff from their children. And its more common in moms with only a singular child. I saved EVERYTHING with our first son for the first 3 years. Then his brother came along and I realized real quick it could get out of hand. But I have a sister in law with two kids and another with just one. The latter her son is not only grown, but has a son himself that is 9. She has everything from her son when he was little.

I think for her, if its out of sight, its out of mind. She knows it there but has no concept of the space it takes up or anything.

Be upfront about the snip. Honey I have come to the realization more children are not really in our future. I would hate to lose you due to pregnancy complications. Since the snip is more financially viable, less stressful on both of us, I think its our best option.

If you decide you want more kids it can be reversed with some success.

[mjr]

If you decide you want more kids it can be reversed with some success.

True, but it's WAY more expensive (I think it's like 10x more expensive), and a lot of insurance plans don't cover reversal.

[Tama]

Can't it also heal itself over time, or something?

[Jester]

I don't think she's kept clothes, but my Mom has tons of stuff from all three of our childhoods, including (but not limited to) every class photo ever taken, awards, and writings, not to mention newspaper clippings. True story: a while back, I was trying to get some stuff organized. Towards this end, I wanted to retrieve some of my old writings. So, I did the most logical thing I could think of: I called Mom and asked her to send me copies. Which, of course, she did. Being the former secretary that she is, and being as organized as I'm not, she simply went into her files and found them. Because EVERYTHING is filed. In file cabinets. Which probably only she can decipher. And maybe not even her.

And the file system is why I'm pretty sure she didn't keep any of the clothes, as they would never fit in a file folder. Of course, knowing my luck, she did keep that ridiculous disco shirt I had in about the second grade (mid-1970's). I'm still trying to get her to burn the picture of me in it. After all, there's sentimental, and then there's embarrassing!

[Mytical]

Can't it also heal itself over time, or something?

INAD, but at least two people I know claim this has happened to them. I think it is very, very rare to occur however.

[MaggieTheCat]

INAD, but at least two people I know claim this has happened to them. I think it is very, very rare to occur however.

It is, but (I have said this on the boards more than once before, so apologies to those who have seen it multiple times) I know a guy whose father had a vasectomy and ten years later his wife got pregnant, and she was definitely not sleeping with anyone else. I don't know how rare or what the odds are, but it can happen.