I'm worried about my niece

[lachesis]

And it's all because of her stupid boyfriend. Ok, so they're broken up at the moment but I have to vent somewhere.

I'm not really looking for advice, but maybe a point of view or two from the outside looking in might help ease my worries.

My middle niece is 22 and has always been the unique do what she wants type of person. For the past few years, she was seeing this guy I'll call Peter just because. Peter is probably around 28 or 29 and has a young son around 7 or 8. For the last couple of years, Niece has been living in an illegal basement apartment (no fridge, no stove, using the bulkhead as an outside entrance) with this guy, his son, and their massive untrained 150 lbs dog. Now, Peter bought the dog as a puppy a little while after they started dating and of course there was no forethought in the gift because when they tried to find an apartment that allowed animals, no renter would even consider letting the dog stay.

The landlady has six adult daughters, two of which moved in upstairs with mom and hates HATES my niece. Lord knows why... the daughters, one of whom I had the misfortune of meeting, are vile and nasty and that is an understatement. These women are in their mid-40s/early 50s and mooching off their mother. A couple of months ago, a collection of my niece's jewelry was taken from her apartment. My whole family suspected one or both of the daughters and I told my niece to file a police report immediately. She did and wouldn't talk about it further.

Then we heard from my sister that a bunch of my niece's bras were stolen last summer and she griped to my sister about having to buy more. A lot of them were from Victoria's Secret because she worked there for a time and took advantage of the discount. A bit weird about the bras, but alright...

This past Sunday I got a frantic call from my sister asking if my niece and her dog could stay at my house until she found a place to stay. I asked what was going on and my sister explained that Peter was using hard drugs and broke it off with my niece because he knew he'd end up bring her down with him if they stayed together. My sister really liked Peter and had always defended him even when I caught my youngest niece, who was about 13 at the time, texting him and talking to him on the phone at 2 in the morning. (Yet, for some reason doesn't like oldest niece's boyfriend who works full time and barely takes asprin)

Youngest niece also has this creepy attachment to him, calling him her "brother". Another instance of this was when I took youngest niece to a local amusement park, we got into an argument about her inviting her friend without my permission and her friend's dad dropping off her friend and I was expected to watch this girl. I said we were leaving and it was an all out battle where she was reaching out to Peter on her phone for "help" from me as we were driving home.

But I digress. Both girls somehow have this unhealthy attachment to him. I always had this creeptastic vibe about him and even when I tried to be welcoming, the vibe just got stronger. It didn't help he wasn't exactly cuddles and puppies with anyone but my two nieces though I never saw it. My oldest niece had the same feelings as me and wasn't as nice about it. She told me about my youngest niece simpering about him like he was a celebrity crush.

Anyway, that Sunday, my sister had been calling every person she could asking if Niece could stay with them temporarily. Every one of them said they'd take Niece, but not the dog. I told her absolutely not would I allow that dog in my house, especially when he was not trained (as in he goes to the bathroom outside, but is a no no bad dog everywhere else). She called my parents next and my mother, who I swear, must have had a few drinks in her by that time, said it was fine. My father was/is not pleased. They have an aging dog who is not friendly with other dogs. My father also doesn't feel comfortable about being involved in this situation.

So Niece spent one night at her mother's and has been crashing at my parents' since. Going to work during the day; going to school at night. And after work, she and Peter just "hang out" at their old place "talking" about their relationship. If I can believe that...

Luckily, Niece's aunt on her father's side has a tenant moving out next week so Niece has a somewhat permanent place to live, but I can't shake the feeling that she will get back together this this loser because it's twoo wuv.

He has no car, no license (due to some kind of illegal activity it was revoked), is on a drug that is an epidemic in our community, and my niece is tangled up in it all. *sigh* I know she needs to make her own unwise decisions to learn life's lessons, but it is so hard not to want to be in a posse that hulk smashes this guy until he's no longer an issue.

I now suspect that the person who took the jewelry and items of clothing were in fact Peter. I mean, each of the bracelets go for $30-50 a piece. Who's to say he didn't pawn them for drug money?

[Sapphire Silk]

It makes more sense that Peter was the culprit than the landlady's daughters. The bras are a bit weird, hard to say on that one.

Middle niece is an enabler. She thinks she can fix him. She can't. She needs to dump this loser and she likely won't. She will alienate anyone in the family who helps her because Peter will screw up. The dog is going to ruin the new apartment. He should have been taken to a shelter. I hate to say it, because it's not the dogs fault. But MN and P didn't bother to train this animal (it's her fault as much as his), so he's a disaster in the making where ever he goes until he gets an owner who will socialize him.

Don't cave. Don't become a part of this farce. You can't derail this speeding train; it is going to crash hard before MN figures it out the hard way.

[Jester]

Some possibilities to consider:

Niece, being involved with this druggie, may also be involved with drugs. It may not be to the level that Loser is, but she may be following him down that garden path.

Loser may have stolen the stuff. Daughters may have stolen the stuff. Friends of Loser may have stolen the stuff. The only thing that seems certain, if Niece is to be believed, is that someone with access to the residence stole the stuff. Of course, if Niece is also involved with drugs, as hard as that may be to believe, she may not be one to be believed, and may be selling or pawning the stuff herself for drug money. It doesn't seem likely, I know, but she seems to be indicating the unlikely daughters over the more likely Loser or Loser's friends. Then again, that could simply be Niece in denial that Loser could do anything so horrible.

Even if a Hulk Smash Posse could remove Loser from the picture, he is only part of the problem. The other part is Niece. Whether or not she is involved with drugs, she is clearly involved with Loser, and if he disappeared, she would likely just find another equally pathetic Loser to get involved with. This sort of repetitive behavior is sad but all too predictable.

Be there for Niece to talk to you, to confide in you, to seek counseling from you, but don't let yourself be drawn into any of this shit. Be there as a friend, but not as a crash pad, animal shelter, doormat, or ATM.

[lachesis]

Sorry for taking so long to update. She is settled at her aunt's house and the living situation is better than what she had before. She and Peter are "friends" and hang out sometimes. She most likely will get back together with him, but will not move back in with him. Her biggest issue at the moment is leaving the dog in the crate when no one home to watch him.

Be that as it may, she and I are not very close. She is distant to most of my side of the family for some reason, not because we haven't embraced her as one of our own. I've tried many times to reach out to her, but it's like a chore for her to keep in touch. I've always treated her equally to the other girls though we hadn't had the opportunity to spend as much time together because when she was younger she lived with her mother over an hour away.

I don't think she's done drugs, but one can never rule these things out. Her vice tends to be tattoos. Some people go shopping to feel better or to relieve boredom, she gets another tattoo or piercing. (mostly tattoos)

Anyway, I'm feeling much better that she is out of the old house. Perhaps the new environment and spending time with her aunt and cousins will give her that immediate support she needs.