Chasing off the demons.

[WishfulSpirit]

Hi everyone. I've spent the last month basically killing myself to make rent. Our great government doesn't think my husband, who can't walk two feet without support, or control the movements of his hands, is "disabled enough" for help. Thus I am left trying to pay the bills on 24 hours a week, 8.50 an hour (USD). I foolishly believed them when they said I'd get full time hours. I've spent every second I'm not at my "real job" submitting paid articles (which aren't being reviewed) and looking for a new job (no luck).

So now we're about to lose our home (a tiny, non-wheelchair-accessible apartment) and I'm having serious thoughts of jumping off the balcony. I'm tired. I'm tired of struggling. I'm tired of criminal incompetence from those who are supposed to help us (not exaggerating, both hubby's doctors and the food stamp people have broken federal ethics laws in dealing with us). I wake up every day and wish I hadn't. Even the zoloft isn't getting rid of the demons.

Any advice as to what will? I made an appt with a shrink but I've been abused by them before, so I don't have a lot of confidence.

[Aragarthiel]

The thing that's always helped me is realizing that as bad as things are, they can ONLY go up. It takes a lot of "I need to just get through this day" but knowing that when things have bottomed out, it can only get better has helped me through all of my worst moments. You just have to make it through the pit, and usually, when it seems like something really, really bad is happening, it turns out to be a blessing in disguise. My best example: after six months of being abused by my aunt and uncle, with only my friends to get me through, I was told with less than 24 hours notice that they were sending me to live with my grandparents 2,000 miles away. I lost all of my best friends, which was the worst thing that could happen to me at the time. But I got away from them, and that was the best thing ever.

Just try to make it through and remember, it HAS to get better.

[Aislin]

Please look into a disability lawyer. Traditionally they are paid by the government and most work on the contingency that if they don't win they don't get paid. My father and my neighbor both are perminantly disabled due to medical negligence. My father was approved right away. My neighbor was not. She ended up hiring a lawyer who helped her.

[Food Lady]

I do not understand why he didn't get approved. If he can't, I'm not even going to try. But in your situation, the above advice sounds like the right thing to do. You shouldn't have to lose your home!

[mathnerd]

What stage of the disability process are you in? It can be a long and complex affair, and quite frankly, they're counting on people giving up before it's over. If you haven't had a hearing yet, you're not done! If you didn't get a hearing, but gave up in the process, you can apply again after a certain length of time has passed.

I have two disabled kids, both with the same disease. One was approved at the second stage, but the other is up for a hearing at the end of July. This is for an initial application in September of 2013. It's a frustrating process, and like I said before, they're counting on you to give up. Don't give up!

[EricKei]

What Aislin said -- the system, for better or for worse, is set up such that is is next to impossible to get approved on the first try unless you've recently done time in a mental health facility. I know exactly one person who succeeded this way -- and, to be fair, she really did (and does) need the help. My Dad, on the other hand? Had a toe amputated off of each foot due to diabetes, had congestive heart failure, could barely stay upright for more than five minutes at a time, even with help -- we never were able to get him approved before he passed away; we didn't think to talk to an attorney until it was too late.

Try it once, wait for the denial (likely within a month), then consult with a Disability attorney. They typically take 25% of your initial award (monthly award x # of months since your FIRST application, up to 24 months max) off of the top, when the case is finalized. If they do not succeed, they don't get paid at all, so it's in their best interest to do the best they can.

A realistic expectation is two years or more for most cases. Bring documentation (read: medical paperwork) for EVERYTHING wrong with you that you even think might be relevant (no matter how tiny), and keep the attorney up to date on any and all medical procedures you have done, meds you are taking, and even basic checkups during that time.

[morgana]

I have no advice, only hugs.

[WishfulSpirit]

Thanks everyone. Feeling better today, after some sleep. Turns out our human services department does do rent assistance, so we're going to the office tomorrow and also asking about their Aid to the Needy Disabled services. That might get us through long enough for me to find better employment.

Hopefully the surgery the doc recommended will fix hubby's issues (the specific procedure has a high success rate). We have a lot of getting-of-ducks-in-a-row before that gets done, however, looking at several months at least. Should I still apply for disability if it has a high liklihood of being fixable?

[mathnerd]

Yes. Get the process started. Surgery doesn't always work, and you want the clock to start ticking as soon as possible. It can take years. As I said before, my oldest son has a hearing scheduled at the end of July for an application I made in September of 2013. That's almost two years. You can always withdraw the application if it becomes unnecessary.

[WishfulSpirit]

Ok got the application done. Now we have to gather records. We may not be poor enough for our county Rent Assistance people to help, but there's a lot of other charities here we can look at.

[mathnerd]

Feel free to pm me if you have any questions about the process. My experience will be a little different because I applied for minors. But a lot of the process is the same.

[JustaCashier]

WishfulSpirit, in reading these latest posts, it looks like you are headed in the right direction for getting help and hopefully making it through this. Please keep pushing through, and please do not give up.


Side note to Food Lady: Please do not be discouraged! Please apply, (Don't know if it helped, but I did so right at the SS Office; being interviewed and having them input the info, as opposed to me filling out and snail mailing an app, or filling one out online).

I put off applying for disability for nearly four years after a lengthy hospitalization, partly because I thought I would recover enough to get back into the working world, so figured by the time I *might* get approved and start receiving benes, I'd be past the three months home recovery estimate of the Doctors.

Another reason, was I had heard some first hand, and credible second hand stories of people with more visible, and/or seemingly worse disabilities than my own, be denied at *least* once, and often three times and then getting a lawyer.

I ended up waiting until I was about a year into Homelessness--after a couple more bouts of pneumonia, which was one of a few factors in my few years earlier hospitalization--(but a month after getting into Transitional Housing), before actually applying. They approved me in around 90 days.

I realize that may not be the norm, but just want others to know that it *is* possible to get approved on the first try.

Naturally I was stunned--used to joke that from the stories I'd heard, there must be something in the SSA Handbook that states each applicant must be denied at least once--but, one of the Counselors at Transitional, said the reason I was approved right away was my long and steady work history before the long hospitalization, lack of criminal record, and no addiction issues.

Anyway, best of luck to both of you.

Mike

[mathnerd]

used to joke that from the stories I'd heard, there must be something in the SSA Handbook that states each applicant must be denied at least once

That's actually not too far from the truth. The SSA website itself says that the majority of applications are denied the first time and most are denied the second time. I've applied for two of my kids. Both were denied the first time. One was denied the second time and we are awaiting a hearing, but the other was approved the second time.

I read somewhere that it's policy to deny everybody the first time except a small list of exceptions, but I can't find that page anymore.

[Tama]

I guess it's to deter people who are only getting it because they trying to fake fibromyalgia or something and are probably too lazy to try again.

[EricKei]

Yeah, that's pretty much the general idea -- My guess is that they go by the assumption that people who are faking it will give up quickly.