I think I'm going crazy

[Latekin]

Ok...I'm trying to keep my posting here to a minimum at the moment because right now, I'm not in the best headspace, and stuff I post is getting ranty and irate and y'all don't need to be dealing with me going through a quarter life crisis.

It's just...you guys seem to listen and offer good advice. And I'm worried about myself right now. I feel like I might be going mad.
I have a bit of a habit of going weird in the head when I get stressed out. I get frightened and defensive and scary angry. I have to try and keep myself in check a lot because goddamn I don't want to have a throwing things around and screaming episode in public. Or in private, admittedly, it's all a bit shameful. Dane can usually snap me out of those episodes, strangely enough, by pissing me off until I cry. Or waiting for me to rampage out.

Lately though...I kind of zone out of reality? I'm not seeing stuff or anything, but I'll be going about my day and suddenly everything feels like it's not real. I get this feeling like I'm walking around in a dream or that reality suddenly went sideways. Sometimes it feels like I'm in a book...everything happening around me seems kind of pale or faded, or like it's happening a long way off. It's started happening at work. I'll go on break and suddenly I'm sitting in the car park smoking and nothing's normal. I don't know how to describe it in a way that makes sense. Colours are sharper and more defined, but sound is dull and muted and I almost never remember the conversations I have. Sometimes I'm entirely zoned out for hours.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not hallucinating or anything, and I know that everything is real...it just feels like it isn't? I don't want to tell people what's happening because lets face it "the world doesn't feel real to me sometimes" is basically a great way of saying "I'm a complete basket case, either pity me or treat me with a weird mix of horror and shame guys!"

I don't know what to do, really. Don't have money to see the psych anymore. I think you're supposed to have 12 free visits a year or something, but apparently that doesn't apply to me anymore somehow?

I don't really know why I posted. What do I do? Am I going mental? I'm afraid I'm close to breakdown point again. I don't want to have a suicidal episode again, but christ, I'm getting tired of being a headcase.

[BlaqueKatt]

i am not a doctor, but I'd suggest seeing one. not everything "in your head" is psych related.

Migraines produce weird symptoms(and don't always include pain), benign tumors, forms of epilepsy, and other things, can produce the symptoms your describing.

[protege]

Migraines produce weird symptoms(and don't always include pain)

Migraines can create some odd sensations. I've had my share of those, with and without the accompanying pain. I've felt like my head was in the clouds, that things were seriously blurred, or even that the room was spinning or shaking. Then there's the feeling of being hit by a bus...and I'm sitting in my recliner.

[Sapphire Silk]

Migraines can create some odd sensations. I've had my share of those, with and without the accompanying pain. I've felt like my head was in the clouds, that things were seriously blurred, or even that the room was spinning or shaking. Then there's the feeling of being hit by a bus...and I'm sitting in my recliner.

It's called "aura," and it's different for every migraine sufferer.

[Latekin]

Unfortunately, I do suffer migraines. Further unfortunately, my out of reality trips are not followed by an episode. My usual is dizziness and fishbowl vision with a tendency to hear everything a lot louder than it actually is.

[WishfulSpirit]

I'd suggest seeing a doctor with some experience in mental health stuff. There's no shame in getting help if you need it, and a professional can help you figure out if what you're going through is related to some kind of physical illness or if you need another type of treatment.

[MoonCat]

There is such a thing as a "migraine attack" that doesn't involve pain. Happened to a CW of mine years ago. Suddenly she couldn't see. It was temporary, but it scared the crap out of her. And as you know, stress can do weird things.

Please look into the psych visits. If you're supposed to qualify for 12 free visits a year, and you haven't had that many, maybe someone's made a mistake with your records. Also a regular doc can do tests to see if it's related to something physical.

[TheSHAD0W]

I'm not seeing stuff or anything, but I'll be going about my day and suddenly everything feels like it's not real. I get this feeling like I'm walking around in a dream or that reality suddenly went sideways. Sometimes it feels like I'm in a book...everything happening around me seems kind of pale or faded, or like it's happening a long way off. It's started happening at work. I'll go on break and suddenly I'm sitting in the car park smoking and nothing's normal. I don't know how to describe it in a way that makes sense. Colours are sharper and more defined, but sound is dull and muted and I almost never remember the conversations I have. Sometimes I'm entirely zoned out for hours.

This is not migraine activity. I think it's a type of epileptic attack, and that you should definitely see a doctor.

[FreakyGeek]

Its also called 'disassociation' and can be linked to depression, anxiety and a number of other mental illnesses. There's actually a number of resources online (I'm really sorry I don't have them right on hand, it isn't a symptom I experience frequently) for methods to ground yourself and help 'bring you back' to reality.
I used to get episodes like that when I was younger and had less of a handle on my depression. I still remember being very confused because to this day I can remember walking in to a piano recital, and then the next memory is I'm standing up from the piano and bowing. Apparently I played all three pieces perfectly, yet have no memory of it.
If you notice certain things setting that 'set you off' for lack of better words it might help to take note and do what you can to work around those situations.
Either way I hope this helps some, as does the knowledge your not going crazy and you aren't alone.

[Seshat]

I have similar episodes; though I suspect my cause is different from yours.

The '12 psych visits per annum' and many other Medicare things are having problems right now for Australian-political-reasons that are irrelevent to our main topic. I do, personally, believe that this problem will pass: talk to your GP for help in waiting it out.

Many GPs (general practitioners - family doctors) are capable of determining at least which general aspect of the brain, body or mind is causing your episodes. This will at least give you some reassurance - you'll be able to say 'at least it's not X'!

Your GP may well also be able to guide you to a community therapy organisation that can help you manage the symptoms.


Now, I don't believe in 'going crazy'. I'm mentally ill, my beloved Bast is seriously mentally ill. Without the appropriate therapies and the 'mental physiotherapy' we have, we would both probably be candidates for 'Bethlam Hospital'.
But we're not crazy. We are neurologically atypical in ways that reduce our ability to function in normal society without help. And that's no different from someone who can't function in normal society without using a wheelchair, or taking insulin, or being careful with their posture.

Clearly, SOMETHING is not quite right with you. Your GP is the right person to start working on figuring out what it is. Go talk to her.