Getting THEM to exercise, too?

[mjr]

I'm wondering if there's a polite way to convince my wife and son to start exercising, too...

I've been doing DDP Yoga, and I'm about to start riding my bicycle again and doing some light weight lifting since I got the "all clear" from my doctor to do so.

I've also changed my diet. The exercising I started moreso at the behest of my doctor. Some of this I did at the behest of my wife, who says she "wants me around" for a long time.

Well, I want her around for a long time, too. She's older than I am. We have an 11 year old special needs son who she homeschools. I know that takes a lot of time and energy, but it's almost like she refuses to exercise, or even entertain the idea of it.

She used to, and she did when we met (though I think not as often as when she was in her 20's).

I gently brought up the idea of us doing the DDP Yoga together, to which she replied, basically, "I'm not doing yoga."

Not even the fact that I've lost 20 pounds and feel better physically was convincing to her to do DDP Yoga with me.

Other forms of exercise she says she can't do because of asthma. I think something near where I live triggered asthma (or something similar to it) in her, because at our previous location she didn't have it.

So I do want her to be around for a long time, too. I'm trying to find a good way to convince her to exercise. Either with me or herself.

I'm concerned, because while she does a LOT homeschooling our son, unless there's stuff I'm not seeing, she doesn't do much else but play some kind of mafia game on FaceBook. I'm concerned about her health, too. She says she knows she's a hypocrite, but she still doesn't seem to want to exercise.

I'm also trying to figure out how to get my son to exercise, too. He doesn't really do much, either. Part of it is probably due to his special needs situation. I tried to get him to exercise with me (saying it would be "more fun") during my surgery recovery. But the only thing he would do is say, "don't be lazy!" and "Focus!"

Any thoughts?

[iradney]

What about a game you can play at home like DDR? Or something with Wii? If you can find something they'd both enjoy (dance lessons? functional training? hiking? trail walking/running?) that's half the battle won.

I've dipped my toe into loads of different types of exercises (yoga, tai chi, pilates, zumba, belly dancing, krav maga, boxing, body building, functional training, running, walking, swimming, karate) and I managed to find what I enjoyed through that.

IF they do like walking, and they like zombies, there is a walking/jogging/running app called Zombies, Run which makes running feel less like a chore and more like a game. I found it recently and I LOVE IT.

It doesn't even have to be something they do for two hours a day. Even 30 minutes a day can do wonders.

[bhskittykatt]

As my clinical instructor at my last internship (physical therapy field) said, "The best exercise program is the one that you enjoy and will do."

Yoga isn't for everyone, so try finding something you all can enjoy that's active and doesn't feel like exercise. I wouldn't even suggest "exercise"; suggest a specific activity and avoid the "E" word. Go for a post-dinner walk. Hit up the pool or lake. Go to the park and throw a frisbee around (or do frolf if there's a course in your area). Find a fun local hike. Something active and fun that's everyone can do and enjoy.

You might see what family-oriented programs your local parks-and-rec office has. That could be a good place to get some ideas.

[mjr]

What about a game you can play at home like DDR? Or something with Wii?

We don't have a video game system. Neither of us is into dance, either.

If you can find something they'd both enjoy (dance lessons? functional training? hiking? trail walking/running?) that's half the battle won.

This is a good idea, but I don't know what they'd both enjoy. I know my wife used to do some sort of aerobic exercise. I'm not sure why she quit, even after we got together.

I've dipped my toe into loads of different types of exercises (yoga, tai chi, pilates, zumba, belly dancing, krav maga, boxing, body building, functional training, running, walking, swimming, karate) and I managed to find what I enjoyed through that.

I've broached a few of these before. I'm not a runner. I never really was, though I played American football when I was in high school. But that's more about sprinting than jogging/running. I've never been a jogger/runner. That's why I bought a bicycle.

I think I could get her to do Tai Chi...but I'd have to learn it first, then teach it to her (so we could do it together). That's not a bad idea. I thought about martial arts, but she presented three objections there. Where I live, we only have "hard" styles (like Karate and Tae Kwon Do), and she'd want a "soft" style. Also, I don't think she'd want to wear the uniform, she doesn't like wearing white, and she wouldn't like how the uniform fit. I know, but it's her reason. The third reason is price. The TKD school where I live is something like $90/month per person.

She also wouldn't want to go to a place like "Curves" (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Curves_International). Basically, because it's a gym specifically for ladies, and I get the impression she'd be uncomfortable going to a place like that.

IF they do like walking, and they like zombies, there is a walking/jogging/running app called Zombies, Run which makes running feel less like a chore and more like a game. I found it recently and I LOVE IT.

It doesn't even have to be something they do for two hours a day. Even 30 minutes a day can do wonders.

This is why I'd like them to get started with the DDP Yoga. It's about 12 different workouts, so there's variety there, and you can work your way up to longer workouts. The longest one I've done up to this point is 40 minutes or so. I haven't even gotten to the more "advanced" workouts yet. I assume they're longer, but still, they're not 2 hours.

Yoga isn't for everyone,

Sure. That's what I thought, too. That's why I don't do yoga. I do DDP Yoga. There's a difference.

Go for a post-dinner walk. Hit up the pool or lake. Go to the park and throw a frisbee around (or do frolf if there's a course in your area). Find a fun local hike. Something active and fun that's everyone can do and enjoy.

This, I think, is part of the problem. They just don't seem to want to. We've got a neighborhood where "making the circuit" is close to a mile. We have a lake nearby, but I don't think we should "swim" in it, because it's got fish, turtles, and such in it. There's no designated swimming area.

We also don't have a pool at our house, or in our town. We live in a small town that just doesn't have these things. We're also not really near a frolf course, either. I also don't know of any hiking trails and such.

You might see what family-oriented programs your local parks-and-rec office has. That could be a good place to get some ideas.

My town is small enough that I don't think we have a parks and rec office that would offer that type of information.

[Iolanthe]

I know it is a little off the wall, but maybe see if she would try belly dancing. It can be a very good way to get back in shape for someone who has breathing problems (I know as that is how I got back into exercising). It is also really good just for the stretching it offers. Most places have classes offered now, if not there are always videos available. It is also something that if you are open to it you could try too. Yes men have been known to belly dance, they just tend to use props such as swords (but hey that could be cool too, who knows). If nothing else it may be something off the wall enough that she and her friends might want to try it.

[mjr]

I know it is a little off the wall, but maybe see if she would try belly dancing. It can be a very good way to get back in shape for someone who has breathing problems (I know as that is how I got back into exercising). It is also really good just for the stretching it offers. Most places have classes offered now, if not there are always videos available. It is also something that if you are open to it you could try too. Yes men have been known to belly dance, they just tend to use props such as swords (but hey that could be cool too, who knows). If nothing else it may be something off the wall enough that she and her friends might want to try it.

Well, see, here's the issue. I think she's uncomfortable with her body, because she's heavy. And I don't think she'd want to take a class, mainly because of that. And I don't think belly dancing would really interest her -- at all.

Based on her age and height, she should (in theory) weigh between 94 and 128 pounds based on a website I found. She says she "looks best" at 105 to 110 pounds. She's even told me that she keeps clothing that no longer fits because she has "deluded myself that I'll fit into them one day". I think she knows she might not be able to get down to the 105-110 range, because she's had our son. Or maybe she thinks she won't be happy with how her body looks when/if she does lose weight. I don't know.

And the area in which I live, she doesn't have friends, and I don't think she has a desire to make them. She actually doesn't WANT women friends -- most women annoy her.

Even when she lived where I met her, she didn't really hang out with anyone.

[iradney]

But for belly dancing, it is advantageous to be curvy. A friend of mine has been doing it for ages, and she's about 40 pounds over weight. There's loads of tutorials on youtube - for bellydancing, tai chi etc. That can be done at home too!

[mjr]

But for belly dancing, it is advantageous to be curvy. A friend of mine has been doing it for ages, and she's about 40 pounds over weight. There's loads of tutorials on youtube - for bellydancing, tai chi etc. That can be done at home too!

I've got Tai Chi DVDs at home, both the Yang short form, and Yang long form (I think that's what it's called).

I know her pretty well...I Don't think she'd go for belly dancing at all. And she definitely wouldn't want to do it with/around other women.

That's why I'm trying to find something at home we can all do. Just pop in a DVD or something and do it right in the living room.

I usually do my DDP Yoga in our "computer room" in the mornings before work. I just pop the DVD in the player on my computer, and do the workout.

[Aria]

How about walking and some light resistance band training? Just stuff to keep osteoporosis away. Maybe you could sell it to her that way, just some easy home exercises to stay healthy. Tai chi sounds nice though.

My personal passion is OrangeTheory fitness but that involves working up a hard sweat with a lot of other people. I wish I could talk to her... I'm sure I'm way fatter than she is. You just have to not give a crap.

[csquared]

There are all sorts of reasons why she may not want to exercise. While none are truly valid, the are obstacles that need to be overcome.

Rather than asking her to exercise with you, ask her to join you in activities. Take junior along too. Go to a park. Walk around. Throw a frisbee. Just get off the couch. Remember, you are further ahead than they are. Take it easy on them.

Something I have suggested before, walk for five minutes. Turn around and go home. Do that for a week. Then make it six minutes, seven minutes, etc. Tell her that you want to go outside and enjoy the weather. Tell her you want her to come with. Take her hand. Hold her close. Don't tell her it is exercise.

[MoonCat]

Sit her down and tell her you're making an appt to have your wills made out and set up pre-need funeral plans. When she asks what's the rush, you tell her that you're really scared of losing her and you need to be prepared. Or, she can try this alternative: The two of you can try a few activities together until you find one you both enjoy.

And asthma can be managed. She could talk with her doctor about what kind of activity would be safe for her and how to be prepared for possible difficulties.

[iradney]

My Dad has asthma and has had it most of his life. He still goes for a walk everyday (except when it's snowing because he doesn't have a deathwish).

[AnaKhouri]

I LOVE DDP Yoga! It's really fun, and I hate exercising, but actually I look forward to doing it every day. It took me around 3 months before I could do Side Plank 4, and I still can't do it for long, but it feels SO GOOD to see yourself getting better. It's too bad your wife won't even try, I bet she'd end up liking it. 50 minutes is the longest workout but there are at least 2 20 minute ones. Even if she doesn't like Yoga, it's not like spiritual meditative yoga or whatever, and DDP is really encouraging ("Who cares if you fall down? Get back up! You won't be able to do this right away!"). Does she like wrestling? Maybe knowing Mick Foley and Chris Jericho do it might persuade her (and Mick Foley's body is pretty much shot, if he can do it....anyone can).

Leslie Sansome has some at-home walking videos that are various levels of exertion, and it's literally just variations on walking, so not anything you have to learn really.

If you do get a video game system, Just Dance is a fun way to get a little exercise. I don't dance either, but in my living room with my kid, it's fun as hell.

I realize the problem is actually getting them to try anything. At some level they have to want to, and not knowing them, I'm not sure how to help. It's true that once you start you feel so much better, you want to keep going, but it's getting started that's the problem. Good luck!

[TawnyMyst]

Might help if getting them out is phrased in an educational way or fun way, you said she homeschools your child? Maybe some museum trips, walking around, a nature hike using a scavenger hunt as part of the sciences. Going geocaching, you only need a smartphone to search for them and the kid might enjoy the hunt. Family day at the parks around, bird watching or identifying trees and flowers, etc.

[mjr]

I LOVE DDP Yoga! It's really fun, and I hate exercising, but actually I look forward to doing it every day.

If you don't mind, PM me about your experiences with it. I haven't gotten into the more "difficult" workouts yet. Longest one I've done is Diamond Cutter (40 minutes or so). I was doing some of the "lighter" workouts (mostly Fat Burner, Red Hot Core, and Strength Builder) in the lead-up to my surgery, but I dropped 20 pounds in about 3 1/2 months.

It's too bad your wife won't even try, I bet she'd end up liking it.

I know. I'm going to have to re-approach that at some point. I wish she'd at least give it a month.

Even if she doesn't like Yoga, it's not like spiritual meditative yoga or whatever

I've tried explaining this to her. "It's not meditative or anything. It's not Yoga...it's DDP Yoga..."

Now, unfortunately, she likes to call it "your manly yoga".

Does she like wrestling?

We used to watch wrestling, until our son was born. We stopped for the obvious reasons. We quit watching it regularly (though I still watch clips on YouTube).

Leslie Sansome has some at-home walking videos that are various levels of exertion, and it's literally just variations on walking, so not anything you have to learn really.

I realize the problem is actually getting them to try anything. At some level they have to want to, and not knowing them, I'm not sure how to help. It's true that once you start you feel so much better, you want to keep going, but it's getting started that's the problem. Good luck!

Yeah, I'm not really sure what to do, either. I tangentially brought up the "I want you to be around for a while, too...", and it didn't seem to be effective, at all.