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I've been more of a lurker than a poster, hell, I waited years to join and even then, I don't post much, but I don't really have anywhere else to go.
First, backstory. I've been dating the same person for almost 2 years. It's been eventful with ups and downs as my SO had Bipolar Disorder and self-medicated with drugs and alcohol before he got help and got on real medication. He was never a mean drunk, he never hit me, and he never raped me. However, he would drink several fifths of vodka a day and I wasn't happy. I was worried about him, I had to clean up his vomit and urine, he would make an awful mess, and he was no fun to be around. He wanted to give and get affection, but he smelled awful and I felt that his affection wasn't real. It was the booze talking. Once he grabbed me and pulled me into bed with him while covered in vomit. He said after he just wanted love and I believe that, but I'm claustrophobic and began to panic when he wouldn't let go. A sober person would have seen that and backed off. He didn't. I was screaming and trying to wiggle free but couldn't. In my panic, I wanted to hit him with something to get him to let go. The glass broke and cut into my hand, severing some tendons. He kept drinking until he got arrested and taken to the hospital for public disturbance with a BAC of 0.35 which is severely over the legal limit and into alcohol poisoning territory. After that, with much struggle, he got clean. He went to therapy regularly, got on medications for anxiety and Bipolar, went to meetings, and stopped drinking.
Drug-wise, he stayed away from illegal street drugs and would convince himself it was okay to take legal things to get high occasionally. It started with cough syrup (DXM). He would take 3 bottles at a time or more. Then, he got a script for Ambien. Even though it's a sleeping drug, if you take a bunch and then stay awake, really fucked up things happen. He would take 8-20 pills and would hallucinate, say things that didn't make sense, fall all over the place, forget things that just happened, etc. He is no longer on Ambien because he took it while driving, crashed, and then I made an anonymous call to his prescribing doctor pleading them not to refill the Ambien.
A few times after going on his meds, he stopped taking them when he ran out. He would run out, forget to refill them, get depressed from being off his meds, continue to not take his meds, and then he would have Bipolar mood swings. Soon after, we would fight and he would get back on them.
Two months ago, he got off probation and no longer had to drug and alcohol test, so he got his Marijuana card. He didn't got to work for a month (he owns his own business) because he just wanted to stay home and get high. He started mixing pot with stuff called Kratom which is basically like opium. He would get a big bag of the stuff and take it in one sitting. He went back to work for a week before he ordered this stuff called etizolam off some website. Etizolam is basically Xanax, but it's a benzo analog, not a benzo. Because it's not approved by the FDA and not regulated by the government in most states, he was able to buy 60 1mg tablets. He claimed he got them to replace my anxiety medication that he stole and gave me 30 tabs. The first time he took it, I thought he was dead. He was on the couch when I came home and I couldn't wake him up. I shook him, patted his back, lightly slapped his cheeks, pulled up his eyelid, blew in his eye, and even poked him in the eye and he didn't stir. when he woke up 24 hours later, he said he took 12 pills. His tablets were gone quickly, so he wound up taking all the ones he gave me back and taking those too. When they were all gone, he ordered more in a powder form. The shipment got delayed so I saw him withdrawal. It was not pleasant. He became panicky, paranoid, moody, and mean. He called me things I have never heard him call anyone.
A few days ago, he woke up after a pot and etizolam binge. He took the powder which he said was hard to dose, so he didn't know how much he took. He was supposedly on his meds again, but I could tell he wasn't. I had family in town and mentioned I was going to visit them today. He immediately started saying what he was going to say to my family members when he saw them again and it wasn't nice. I told him he couldn't come if he didn't take his meds and behave. He got angry, picked up a chair, and slammed it down, breaking it. My mother gave it to me so I was upset. He got even more upset and started throwing things at me from his desk. I honestly don't think he even knew what he was throwing, he was just in a blind rage. Pens, plastic cups, cardboard boxes, empty containers, a slurpee cup, paper plates, and then a knife hit the ground just a few feet from me. I threatened to call the cops if he didn't stop. He tried to get the phone with me. I locked myself in a room, but he kept trying to get in. I called the cops, and he was arrested. His mother bonded him out and stopped by the other day to get some things he wanted since he has a no contact order against me. One of the things he wanted was a specific book. He's not an avid reader. I grabbed the book, flipped it open, and there were the bags of etizolam. He asked his mother to give me a message from him, "I know you wrote a statement, but it's okay, just don't show up and they'll throw it out." No apologies, no concern for my well-being, he just wanted his drugs. The court date is next week and the officer said what happens depends on me.
Option #1: Do what he says, don't go to court. I'll be subpoenaed, but no charges can be brought against me for not showing up. The statement will be tossed, he will go free, and things will continue on as normal with his drug use destroying his life and me taking care of him.
Option #2: Go, testify, make it clear that he is mentally ill and needs a doctor and medicine, not jail and that he has never hurt me physically and that this only happened because he was on recreational drugs and off his meds. Maybe he goes to jail, maybe he gets sent to an inpatient facility, maybe he gets probation, maybe he gets set free.
Option #3: Go, testify, focus on my fear and the fact that I could have gotten hurt so he will go to jail.
I'm an emotional fucking disaster and have no clue what the right thing to do is, so please don't comment telling me to simply do what I feel is right because I don't feel anything is right. I feel like I'm in a wormhole in a different dimension and none of this is real and any day now, I'll wake up and have a sober, clean, medicated, well adjusted partner who pays bills on time and pays for half the rent so I can afford to live here.
First, backstory. I've been dating the same person for almost 2 years. It's been eventful with ups and downs as my SO had Bipolar Disorder and self-medicated with drugs and alcohol before he got help and got on real medication. He was never a mean drunk, he never hit me, and he never raped me. However, he would drink several fifths of vodka a day and I wasn't happy. I was worried about him, I had to clean up his vomit and urine, he would make an awful mess, and he was no fun to be around. He wanted to give and get affection, but he smelled awful and I felt that his affection wasn't real. It was the booze talking. Once he grabbed me and pulled me into bed with him while covered in vomit. He said after he just wanted love and I believe that, but I'm claustrophobic and began to panic when he wouldn't let go. A sober person would have seen that and backed off. He didn't. I was screaming and trying to wiggle free but couldn't. In my panic, I wanted to hit him with something to get him to let go. The glass broke and cut into my hand, severing some tendons. He kept drinking until he got arrested and taken to the hospital for public disturbance with a BAC of 0.35 which is severely over the legal limit and into alcohol poisoning territory. After that, with much struggle, he got clean. He went to therapy regularly, got on medications for anxiety and Bipolar, went to meetings, and stopped drinking.
Drug-wise, he stayed away from illegal street drugs and would convince himself it was okay to take legal things to get high occasionally. It started with cough syrup (DXM). He would take 3 bottles at a time or more. Then, he got a script for Ambien. Even though it's a sleeping drug, if you take a bunch and then stay awake, really fucked up things happen. He would take 8-20 pills and would hallucinate, say things that didn't make sense, fall all over the place, forget things that just happened, etc. He is no longer on Ambien because he took it while driving, crashed, and then I made an anonymous call to his prescribing doctor pleading them not to refill the Ambien.
A few times after going on his meds, he stopped taking them when he ran out. He would run out, forget to refill them, get depressed from being off his meds, continue to not take his meds, and then he would have Bipolar mood swings. Soon after, we would fight and he would get back on them.
Two months ago, he got off probation and no longer had to drug and alcohol test, so he got his Marijuana card. He didn't got to work for a month (he owns his own business) because he just wanted to stay home and get high. He started mixing pot with stuff called Kratom which is basically like opium. He would get a big bag of the stuff and take it in one sitting. He went back to work for a week before he ordered this stuff called etizolam off some website. Etizolam is basically Xanax, but it's a benzo analog, not a benzo. Because it's not approved by the FDA and not regulated by the government in most states, he was able to buy 60 1mg tablets. He claimed he got them to replace my anxiety medication that he stole and gave me 30 tabs. The first time he took it, I thought he was dead. He was on the couch when I came home and I couldn't wake him up. I shook him, patted his back, lightly slapped his cheeks, pulled up his eyelid, blew in his eye, and even poked him in the eye and he didn't stir. when he woke up 24 hours later, he said he took 12 pills. His tablets were gone quickly, so he wound up taking all the ones he gave me back and taking those too. When they were all gone, he ordered more in a powder form. The shipment got delayed so I saw him withdrawal. It was not pleasant. He became panicky, paranoid, moody, and mean. He called me things I have never heard him call anyone.
A few days ago, he woke up after a pot and etizolam binge. He took the powder which he said was hard to dose, so he didn't know how much he took. He was supposedly on his meds again, but I could tell he wasn't. I had family in town and mentioned I was going to visit them today. He immediately started saying what he was going to say to my family members when he saw them again and it wasn't nice. I told him he couldn't come if he didn't take his meds and behave. He got angry, picked up a chair, and slammed it down, breaking it. My mother gave it to me so I was upset. He got even more upset and started throwing things at me from his desk. I honestly don't think he even knew what he was throwing, he was just in a blind rage. Pens, plastic cups, cardboard boxes, empty containers, a slurpee cup, paper plates, and then a knife hit the ground just a few feet from me. I threatened to call the cops if he didn't stop. He tried to get the phone with me. I locked myself in a room, but he kept trying to get in. I called the cops, and he was arrested. His mother bonded him out and stopped by the other day to get some things he wanted since he has a no contact order against me. One of the things he wanted was a specific book. He's not an avid reader. I grabbed the book, flipped it open, and there were the bags of etizolam. He asked his mother to give me a message from him, "I know you wrote a statement, but it's okay, just don't show up and they'll throw it out." No apologies, no concern for my well-being, he just wanted his drugs. The court date is next week and the officer said what happens depends on me.
Option #1: Do what he says, don't go to court. I'll be subpoenaed, but no charges can be brought against me for not showing up. The statement will be tossed, he will go free, and things will continue on as normal with his drug use destroying his life and me taking care of him.
Option #2: Go, testify, make it clear that he is mentally ill and needs a doctor and medicine, not jail and that he has never hurt me physically and that this only happened because he was on recreational drugs and off his meds. Maybe he goes to jail, maybe he gets sent to an inpatient facility, maybe he gets probation, maybe he gets set free.
Option #3: Go, testify, focus on my fear and the fact that I could have gotten hurt so he will go to jail.
I'm an emotional fucking disaster and have no clue what the right thing to do is, so please don't comment telling me to simply do what I feel is right because I don't feel anything is right. I feel like I'm in a wormhole in a different dimension and none of this is real and any day now, I'll wake up and have a sober, clean, medicated, well adjusted partner who pays bills on time and pays for half the rent so I can afford to live here.
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