More "mama drama" update...

[mjr]

I truly wish your mom would look into counseling. IIRC she's around my age, right? (I'm 59) I can understand wanting someone special in one's life, but the way she goes about it....is just so dangerous and unwise. Based on what you said back when this saga began, I really think she needs to understand why she's doing things like this - before she gets taken for her life savings, or worse.

Yeah, she'll be 60 in January. I don't think she can afford counseling, and I'm not sure she thinks she needs it. I'm hesitant to suggest it to her, simply because I don't know what the repercussions may be. I know that's very selfish of me, but I really don't know. I could get what my wife refers to as a "guilt-o-gram" in email saying who knows what.

My wife and I are just convinced she just should not date anymore. I understand wanting to be happy, and have someone special in your life, but she doesn't have a good track record here.

This was marriage #4 for her, and each has been progressively shorter. She was married to my dad for something like 15 years. They got married when she was 19 and he was in his mid 20's, I think.

After she divorced my dad (or, probably more correctly, during the divorce) she started dating some other dude. and they dated for two or three years, I think. Then she dumped him because he cheated, met another guy, and they got married and were married for 4 or 5 years, I think. Then she moved, and dated various different guys. Then she met and married another guy, who she divorced about a year or so later, because he was "cyber cheating" and took off for the Philippines. She had to mail him the divorce papers to sign.

What's sad about this is apparently she'd been writing off and on to Prison Boy for about eight years before her marriage to the guy who ran off to the Philippines.

Then she decided to marry Prison Boy...and now THAT is ending in divorce less than a year later.

She should try to find some friends in her area to hang out with. She's not big on reading, so a book club probably wouldn't work, and I don't think she makes enough to join a bowling league or something.

But she should find some friends and some kind of "group activity" to do.

[taxguykarl]

She should try to find some friends in her area to hang out with. She's not big on reading, so a book club probably wouldn't work, and I don't think she makes enough to join a bowling league or something.

But she should find some friends and some kind of "group activity" to do.

Should....but will she? I wouldn't bet the mortgage money on that. It seems to me that she lives for the drama and/or grievance.

[MoonCat]

taxguykarl has a point...

Re: counseling, though, she could IF SHE WANTED TO check to see if there is a social-service thing, maybe something with a sliding scale or other help for low income people. Not to "find out what's wrong with her" but to find out why she is so desperate for male companionship that she throws all common sense out of the window.

But it's not up to you to fix her. It's good that she's divorcing this loser, just be glad she came to her senses on this one.

[mjr]

taxguykarl has a point...

Re: counseling, though, she could IF SHE WANTED TO check to see if there is a social-service thing, maybe something with a sliding scale or other help for low income people. Not to "find out what's wrong with her" but to find out why she is so desperate for male companionship that she throws all common sense out of the window.

But it's not up to you to fix her. It's good that she's divorcing this loser, just be glad she came to her senses on this one.

I'm not sure she's found a church where she lives, but I wonder if she could meet with the pastor to discuss it. Sometimes pastors also function as counselors.

My wife and I have actually had the "why" discussion, and the best we can come up with is that it's some sort of cultural "social status" thing, in that women are supposed to attract and marry men.

I don't know, because I grew up here in a very similar culture, and while I always wanted to get married, certain "cultural" things, to me, seemed "normal", until I had a chance to evaluate them from a different perspective. I'm still the same person, I just look at some cultural things differently (many cultural/regional things I still hold dear).

[mjr]

So another update...

Sis tells me that Prison Boy sent divorce papers to mom. Not the other way around, as I'd assumed.

Wife and I are happy, because this is "best case". Though I do worry about mom's mental state from time to time.

Anyhow, wife actually looked up Virginia law (where Prison Boy is doing his time), and they have weird divorce laws compared to where I live. There, if I understand what the wife said correctly, you have to get a six month separation agreement thing, first. And if that's not signed, you have to get a one-year one that's automatic, before you can proceed with the divorce proceedings.

[csquared]

Mama needs to be careful. Prison Boy could be looking for "Spousal Support" or a claim to assets.

[mjr]

Mama needs to be careful. Prison Boy could be looking for "Spousal Support" or a claim to assets.

Under the law of the state where he's incarcerated, I don't think he can. This happened pretty quickly. She really has no assets. I think she's got a car and a small retirement fund, and that's really about it.

I think to claim that kind of thing, in that state, you have to be married for a certain number of years.

[taxguykarl]

csquared has a point. Definitely steer your mother to a competent lawyer.

[Barracuda]

If it comes to that, I would ask her lawyer if she can have the marriage annulled instead of a divorce. They never lived together, so it's quite possible she could get the annulment.