I need some advice from the ladies who have gone through "the big M"

[mjr]

I have some questions about it. I know it's a TMI topic, but as a man I need some advice...so please PM me (if you want). I have some questions...

[AccountingDrone]

LOL, feel free to ask in thread - or PM me, I don't care. Been stuck in hospitals or at the doctors enough that I can discuss anything with anybody.

And yuppers, hot flashes are seriously uncomfortable - I can go from cold and goosebumps to dripping sweat in about 1 minute, and back again. [I am in weight loss mode combined with heavy endometriosis, so I have hormones still filtering into my bloodstream though I no longer have ovaries, estrogen and other hormones store in fat cells, and can be produced by the random splorts of endometrium embedded throughout my abdominal cavity.] I know that doctors love putting women on hormone replacement therapy for menopause, but the 2 nurses in Rob's family both refused HRT on the grounds that they need to wean their body off the hormones because HRT can cause other health issues [the body is evolved to decrease then stop the hormones, so you might as well just do it from the outset and avoid the possible side effects, and I agree with them.]

On the positive side I do NOT miss bleeding out monthly [or whatever cycle, I was never regular and that was just freaking annoying! Damned PCOS!] and to be perfectly blunt, if I had had my womb removed instead of just a tubal ligation, I would have been freaking thrilled! 30 additional years of cycles was pure hell. Why they make it so damned difficult to mandate my own personal body I have no idea, when it was plain by the tubal ligation I had a 24 because pregnancy would have killed me ... they think I was going to just up and decide to commit suicide by pregnancy? I was obviously hiding behind the door when they were handing out the maternal drive =)

[LesserSouthernFroglet]

Oh the joys of the big M!

Where do I start?

OK, the messy monthly stuff - haven't had that for ages anyway as I have an implant, but I sure as hell don't miss it. Some women get more frequent before they drop off, some get heavier, some it just goes away gradually. I got the implant because I was this.close to needing blood transfusions.

The hot flashes, aka power surges. I can honestly not tell what everybody else thinks about the day's weather. I can be running around in a short-sleeved top in the snow, and still sweating. Or I can be wrapped up in three jumpers, four pairs of socks, ugg boots and a jacket in front of a blazing fire and shivering. These two states, as AD said, can switch like lightening. I find it's worse at night. One minute I'm shivering under the covers, next minute the covers are off and I'm sweating.

Which leads me to the next thing - insomnia. Oh dear deity, what I would give for a full night's sleep.

My skin - I'm going through the whole teenage spot thing. Not real acne, just blocked pores, greasy skin on my face and lizard skin on my legs. I'm also getting the itchies - mostly legs, back and arms. No reason, just itchy. Don't I sound just adorable!

My moustache and beard are coming in nicely. Oops, did I say that? Umm... let me see... the stray eyebrow hairs are migrating southward. That's OK, the dark hair on my top lip and chin help to balance out the white hair on my head. (Can I just say grooming takes soooo much longer these days?)

I'm not moody, and if you say that again I'll knock your lights out!!! Seriously, my doc put me on antidepressants because they help with the power surges, but they have been a lifesaver. The flashes are better than they were without, and I really haven't actually killed anyone yet. My tolerance levels are really low for some things, eg bull shit. I did try a month of HRT, and stopped - it was only a matter of days before mass murder would have happened. I was seriously pissed off with everything and everybody, and (sounds strange) I knew it was wrong but I could physically feel tension and anger. In comparison now I'm Miss Sweetness and Light.

All in all, it is a big pile of steaming merde but it doesn't last forever - well at least I hope not. Every woman goes through it differently, and often the treatments that work on one don't work on the other (eg me and HRT. Some gals swear by it.)

So, as a man, the things you need to know:

chocolate helps
Wine (or booze of choice) helps
Don't mention wrinkles, white hair, hairy lips n chins - ever.
The correct answer to most things is 'yes dear'. This does not include 'does my bum look big in this?' For that one, there is no correct answer, ever.
Keep tissues handy. Some of us get cranky, some get weepy. It also helps to brush the sweat off our brows.
It will be your fault she's too hot in bed, and your fault she's not sleeping. Be prepared to wander off to the spare room / lounge / dog kennel when she's like that. Trust me, it's easier...
Be prepared for a constant go-around of herbal remedies, prescription tablets, creams, goop and essentially the entire contents of the pharmacy and the local herbalist combined. We get desperate and will try anything.
You will need to keep an eye on her complexion and rush to turn the fan on when she has a hotty. You'll know, your lovely wife will all of a sudden look like a fresh-boiled lobster.

Most importantly, be there for her.

PS now I've said all that, ask away!

[morgana]

I apparently got really lucky. For me, the Big M was pretty much a non-event.

I had exactly ONE hot flash. I got told to turn down the cranky three times. I had had issues with "Jesus Christ, how much blood can the human body HOLD?" for years, so that wasn't much of an issue.

The hair issue . . . oh, yeah. Craving? Um . . . yeah. Insomnia? Well, I did go one whole week on a total of 18 hours sleep.

But mostly, not much happened.

That said, it's probably a good thing I had divorced Clueless the Barbarian by then. ONE of us would have died . . .

[LesserSouthernFroglet]

You lucky thing!

Hey girls, I think we've scared mjr away...