Mum finally admits I would be a terrible parent

[Blue Ginger]

For the longest time, I've been telling people that I didn't want kids because they are breakable, annoy the hell out of me and I really love my alone time and sleep. I'm always happy for friends having kids if they want them, but none are coming from me.

Last weekend was my nephew's 2nd birthday and they had a party in a local park. My brother also has 2 step kids, a 10 yr old girl and a 12 yr old boy. I can mostly deal with them because they can talk and tell me what's wrong.

However, my soon to be SIL's sister has 2 kids and the oldest is one of those annoying kids that can do no wrong because she is 'cute'. She is 4-5 and a pain in the arse. (I'll call her C). Everything has to be now, she screeches when you tell her no, sticks her fingers in everything food related and destroys everything. I'm not talking little kid accidentally breaking something either. If she can't have it, she will destroy it in front of the person the toy belongs too and her parents (and extended family) mostly think its funny.

So back to the party. The 10 yr old (M) is somewhere on the autistic spectrum and had just calmed down from a melt down caused C destroying her colouring book and pencils while the adults laughed. M loves swings, so I jumped on the one next to her and we were trying to see who could swing highest. M is calm, I'm having fun, all is good.

10 mins later, C comes over and stands next to the support poles. M ignores her but I'm watching C out the corner of my eye. Lucky I am because next thing I know she is running straight in front of me. I end up inches away from kicking her in the head and M nearly hits her on the back swing.

I growled at her. Told her not to run in front like that and next time to make a big circle around because she could have been really hurt. I explained that we both nearly hurt her a lot and she had to be more careful. She just stood there for ages until one of the other parents looked over to her and then she went running with tears saying I yelled at her and wouldn't let her on the swing.

Then her mum started telling me off for yelling at her and don't I know she is only little and I'm not a parent so how dare I tell her off, etc, etc, blah blah blah (I tuned out because M was starting to shut down again and I was concentrating on her.) Replying "next time I'll just kick her in the head then and you can deal with the fallout' was apparently inappropriate. (Ok, I know it was, but FFS I had just got M calmed down and talking again after only 15 mins. It can sometimes take hours.)

The end result is that C is terrified of me and her mum thinks I am the devil incarnate. (To me this is a good thing because now C runs away from me and I will no longer have to deal with her.) And all the other adults/parents finally agree with me that I should never have kids and I shouldn't be left supervising them.

I'm a good aunty to my best friends 2 munchkins and my brother's kid and step kids, because I can hand them back and am allowed to correct them. But have no tolerance for anyone else's kids. And my mum has finally agreed that I don't have the tolerance or patience to deal with kids of my own.

[wolfie]

The 10 yr old (M) is somewhere on the autistic spectrum and had just calmed down from a melt down caused C destroying her colouring book and pencils while the adultsovergrown playground bullies laughed.

Fixed that for you. Some people grow old without growing up.

I'm surprised that your brother didn't step in when C destroyed his stepdaughter's stuff.

[Blue Ginger]

My brother would have if he had of seen it, but he was chasing the giggling 2 year old riding on his balance bike.

But M's own mother didn't even bat an eye until the meltdown really started and then just told her to move away from C. Poor M had been trying to do that for several minutes but C's mum kept encouraging C to play with M.

To me C's mum is very much a lazy parent. If C is 'playing' with M, she ignores what C is actually doing so she doesn't have to deal with anything.

I think this is one of the things that pisses me off the most, because I know exactly what it's like to be in M's shoes and anytime I retaliated, I was always painted as the monster.

[csquared]

I don't know. Reading that story makes me think that you would make the best parent out of the lots.

[Pixelated]

I don't know. Reading that story makes me think that you would make the best parent out of the lots.

I tend to agree, LOL, but then again I too am childless by choice so I can certainly empathize with you for not wanting them at all!

And I thought your comeback about the possibility of her being kicked in the head was quite good ... but then again, I would.

As for C, you can now see that terror can be a good thing. The trick will be to see how long you can keep things this way; then you can play/socialize with the kids you want to, knowing C will stay far, far away -- and hopefully irritate the hell out of her parents while she's doing it. (When Mom tells her "Oh, go play with the kids around Blue Ginger," just look up and give her the most shark-like smile you can manufacture. )

I expect next up will be C's parents (or at least one of 'em) dragging her over to you so you can "apologize" for scaring her. Whatever you do, do NOT let yourself be railroaded into that. Just keep explaining what actually happened and that, under the circumstances, you do not owe her an apology.

[wolfie]

I expect next up will be C's parents (or at least one of 'em) dragging her over to you so you can "apologize" for scaring her. Whatever you do, do NOT let yourself be railroaded into that. Just keep explaining what actually happened and that, under the circumstances, you do not owe her an apology.

Remember, you did NOT nearly kick her in the head. She rushed into the path of a heavy moving object (you) and you were barely able to avoid making contact.

[notalwaysright]

I'm worse than you, if there will be that many kids there (especially ones that I know will be acting like terrors) I straight up refuse to attend. I've never wanted kids. I don't like when they scream, even if they're playing. I don't give in when they demand things, and I've had them go running to their parents to tattle on me. I've never had a parent get mad at me about it, though.

I know people say "when you have a kid you change." And that's true, but they aren't talking about loving another person more than yourself, or generally having a different perspective. They are saying that you suddenly become a different person who lets the kids do whatever they want, like in your story. This is how they defend their parenting choices. I don't ever want to change into a person like that. My parents didn't let me run the household, and they have never even brought up the subject of me having kids. They know me. I think a lot of us who don't want kids would actually be okay parents. I might tend to be too strict, though.

[jedimaster91]

I don't know. Reading that story makes me think that you would make the best parent out of the lots.

I tend to agree, LOL, but then again I too am childless by choice

I am a parent. I'm with csquared. You handled the situation exactly right. If Minion ever got hit by someone swinging on the swings, I'd make sure nothing was seriously injured and then tell him that's what happens when you walk in front of the swings.

As a parent, you do have to pick your battles to a degree. I am determined to raise a polite, well-mannered child if it kills both of us. Purposely destroying another person's property is a battle I would pick. That is inexcusable.

[Pixelated]

I am determined to raise a polite, well-mannered child if it kills both of us.

Hope it doesn't come to that!

I have two siblings and each of them has one kid. Neither of them would ever have let their kids run amok like this ... destroying another child's possessions would've gotten the destroyer frog-marched back to the owner to apologize, and then out to replace them (if possible) out of the kid's own allowance. Consequences, kid, ya get it? And running in front of the swings like that would've gotten them one warning, and then an order to sit their butt down on the nearest chair and pretend it's Krazy-Glued to that chair until they have permission to do anything else.

The one kid is now in her teens, preparing to go to college, and nobody's died yet, if that helps, jedimaster ... That's probably because sis did "pick her battles" and as far as I can tell brother is doing the same. They are far better parents than I would ever have been.

[Blue Ginger]

There is no way in hell I will be apologising to either parent or kid.

When us kids (I'm middle of three) would play up like this kid does, we would have been made to apologise to the other kid and removed from the area. Usually this involved putting us in the car or being made to sit far away enough not to be able to talk to anyone but still in sight until deemed punished enough to join everyone again.

And touching everyone else's food would have been meet with smacked fingers. C regularly touches food on people's plates and all cake has to be kept out of her reach because she will shove both hands into it. It's not even safe when lighting and blowing out candles if the little shit can reach it. Even the 2 year olds have better manners. And everyone thinks it's fucking cute that she is so excited about the cake.

I'll be using the look anytime she comes near me from now on. Before this I used to go out of my way to avoid her, but now I have no fucks left to give for either her or her lazy parents. Thank dog I only see them a few times a year.

[MoonCat]

"C" is a bomb about to go off. Mostly unsupervised by parents who think it's "cute" that she throws screaming tantrums and deliberately destroys other people's things? Yeah....let's see how cute they think she is in a few years when their darling little sociopath-in-the-making gets arrested for the first time. So she's "little" - when do they think they're supposed to start teaching her right from wrong? 16? By then it will be WAY too late.

Just please tell me there are no pets in their house.

[Pixelated]

C's parents don't seem to realize that the rest of the world is not going to think it's "funny" or "cute" when she destroys somebody else's property or shoves her hands into other people's food. Somewhere down the line that's gonna get ugly.

[Kittish]

C's parents don't seem to realize that the rest of the world is not going to think it's "funny" or "cute" when she destroys somebody else's property or shoves her hands into other people's food. Somewhere down the line that's gonna get ugly.

And expensive.

[Blue Ginger]

Unfortunately they have a beautiful black lab. And they are always complaining that she digs up their backyard.

My brother was looking after her for a few months while their house was being renovated and the dog was fairly relaxed except when they visited. I watched her go from lazing with my brother's dog to shaking and hiding under the stairs when C started shrieking on arrival. This was 2 years ago, so the kid was younger. but even now C has no idea how to pat a dog gently, she just grabs fistfuls and yanks.

My brother's dog is a border collie and the other is a bitsa that has possibly got jack russell or foxy terrier in it. The little one was from a shelter and belonged to my grandmother, but was a stray before that. The border collie is pretty good with most of the kids, but he will get up and move as soon as C comes near him. The little one we have to really watch. Because he has no weight C thinks he is a toy that can be picked up. He has snarled at her a lot and I will grab him as soon as I see C picking him up. The little bugger knows I love him and I always get doggie kisses for saving him. I'm just terrified he will bite C and her parents will insist he be put down, which I will never allow and mum will back me up. (Only reason my brother has him is because my parents already have 2 dogs - my nana's and my brother's first dog that mum couldn't let go when he moved out. But she will take the little bugger if she has to.)

All the kids, except C, understand that if the dogs are in their beds they are to be left alone. And the dogs know that their beds are their safe places. I figure if the 2 year old can understand this, then C can.

[EricKei]

My mom just got a rescue doggie -- an 8-yo-ish lil' brown & white mutt, I think. My nieces got introduced to him -- all 3 of them at once (bad idea), which understandably freaked him out a bit. Then, the 5-yo girl decided to pet him by getting her face up in his face and trying to pet his muzzle, which led to her getting a quick nip for her trouble. This has happened -- once -- in the past with her own family's dog, who is much larger (basset hound/german shepherd mix -- try not to think about the logistics on that one); she got a small scar near her eye out of that one. Mom and the kid's mom responded, not by blaming the dog, but by comforting them both, and telling her to knock that nonsense off in the future so she doesn't get bit. To her credit, 5yo has done so, and the doggo is cool with her now.

As for "C" ... If her mom tries to confront her, one possible reaction could be this: Inform her that you saw what she did to the coloring book, and that she acted with both malice and with glee. Advise her of the -- quite obvious -- fact that she has become a spoiled, uncontrolled %@#$, and that that is 100% her parents' fault. If the kid grows up without these urges being controlled/told they are completely inappropriate, this kid is gonna get into serious trouble with both the law, and with anyone unfortunate to be around her. While she may or may not be old enough to truly comprehend "right from wrong" yet, she IS old enough to comprehend "don't do that because it hurts people (the coloring book), and don't do that (swingset) because SHE could get hurt."