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This one's going to be a bit lengthy, but I'm hoping someone here can offer some sort of insight...because I've got nothing.
I had a friend, let's call him Jim, who I haven't seen since the fall of 1995. And I can't verify some of the below stories/events, so I don't know how much of it is actually true, but here we go.
For the sake of the rest of the story, remember that Jim considers ME his "best friend". Someone he hasn't seen in nearly 30 years, and someone he hasn't talked to in nearly a decade or so.
Jim and I went to High School together, and we were in the same Tae Kwon Do class for a bit. We also went to one semester at a nearby college. In 1995.
We never had a falling out or anything, we just sort of lost contact with each other. It happens.
Well, a decade or so ago (I don't recall the exact timing), my sister tells me he wants me to get in contact with him, and gives me his number. Many of you may remember this, because this is the time he tells me he has cancer, and wants to hang out and for us to jam (we both play guitar). I don't recall the exact circumstances, but we didn't actually end up meeting, for whatever reason.
And that was the last I heard from him.
Until just a few days ago.
And here's where things get convoluted and messy. Remember, he's telling me all of this, so I don't know for sure how much I can verify, how much is embellished, etc. which makes the timeline a bit fuzzy.
Apparently, back in 2016, he was told by his wife that they were going to take a week-long trip to New York to see her parents. Well, they get there, and after a week, she says, "Oops...we don't have money to get home! Guess we're stuck here!" (paraphased, of course). Which he seems to think was her plan all along.
So apparently, at some point in the timeline, when he still lived in this state, between 1995 and when he contacted me a decade or so ago, a few things happened.
He started working for a police department in the nearby Metropolitan city.
Apparently, during his time with this police department, he was in an altercation where he was beaten pretty badly. At least that's how I understand it. Could have been multiple perps, or over a longer period of time. He told me he needed multiple surgeries for this, and now requires assistance to walk.
The timeline is a little fuzzy, but he also told me that while he was on the police force, a few times he seriously considered taking his own life, so he has some emotional and mental health needs that a professional can provide that I simply cannot.
So, that means Jim has a cancer diagnosis, multiple surgeries resulting in needing assistance to walk, and mental health issues.
Well, he managed to make his way back here to Texas. I don't know how he got in touch with my mother, but he's apparently staying with my her and her husband about 2.5 hours away from where I live. Seems my mother gave him my number.
She's apparently also trying to help him get on disability.
So our first conversation in years was mostly reminiscing, and him telling me some of the above stuff. It's also him telling me he's still upset with me and jealous of me (yes, he said something similar in our FIRST conversation in nearly 30 years) because I went to a specific concert in 1993 by one of our favorite singers that he didn't get to go to. Before pretty much anything else was brought up.
But then, I get a feeling. A feeling he's going to call me every day. And that's a bit much for me. But outright telling him "Don't call me every day" seems kind of rude. So I don't say anything.
So, I talk to him on the second day (two consecutive days) also. We start talking again about music (we were both 90's country music fans) and some other stuff. But then he starts talking about how "broken" he is (see diagnosis and surgeries above) and starts telling me these really dark stories about things he saw on the police force.
CAUTION!! The following story is GRAPHIC! If you don't want to read it, skip down to "STORY OVER" below.
He told me a story about while he was on the police force where he found someone in their early 20's who had committed suicide by hanging. Unfortunately, he found the body, still hanging, 3 days later. He said it really messed him up having to cut down the body and take it to wherever he had to take it, and how it made him vomit, etc.
STORY OVER
This is also when he told me the story about how, a few times, he'd sit on his bed still in uniform, and contemplate suicide.
During the course of this conversation, he also told me the story of when his mother died. Apparently, his sister told him "too late", and when he got to the hospital, she was on machines. He had power of attorney, I think, and her wishes were to have the plug pulled. So he did it. Then asked the doctor if he could lay next to her while she died. He said he did, and sang to her until she died.
So he sounds like he's sobbing while he's telling me these stories, and it's already past time when I would have gone to bed. Overall it was a two hour conversation.
Anyway, last night he calls again while I'm watching TV with my wife. It's around 8:20PM when he calls, and we'd texted a few times before that throughout the day, but mostly about nonsense stuff. So I decide to ignore the call. Let it roll to voicemail.
I go to bed at 9 PM.
I wake up this morning, and see a text from him from 9:03 PM the previous night. Three minutes after I'd gone to bed (I charge my phone in a different room).
Anyway, the text is just "Please call me".
So I sent him a brief message this morning apologizing for missing his text, and informing him that I had already gone to bed at 9PM the previous night.
Then he texts me back an odd, and a little bit disturbing, text about life being over when nobody needs you. Then a much, much longer text somewhat quoting Forrest Gump (Life is like a box of chocolates), but then ends it with saying all you have left is a box full of empty wrappers.
So he has some emotional and mental needs that I clearly cannot help him with.
The problem is, the calls daily are a little much. I mean, I'm usually good talking (or, in a lot of cases texting or emailing) with friends a couple of times a week. Now, if we weren't in the COVID era, and I were hanging out with them, it might be different.
I have a feeling he's going to call again today. But how do you tell someone with this number of issues (again, if all this is true) that calling you every day is a bit much, and how about maybe once or twice a week? Especially when they're staying at your mother's house?
I seriously thought of telling him to text that 988 number (Substance Abuse And Mental Health Services Administration). I don't know if I should. He might take offense.
I'm not necessarily comfortable with "ghosting" him, either. But I don't really want to talk to him every day. Remember, he views me as his "best friend".
My wife suggested that I call the National Mental Health Hotline myself, and explain everything to them, and see what they say.
Anybody got anything?
I had a friend, let's call him Jim, who I haven't seen since the fall of 1995. And I can't verify some of the below stories/events, so I don't know how much of it is actually true, but here we go.
For the sake of the rest of the story, remember that Jim considers ME his "best friend". Someone he hasn't seen in nearly 30 years, and someone he hasn't talked to in nearly a decade or so.
Jim and I went to High School together, and we were in the same Tae Kwon Do class for a bit. We also went to one semester at a nearby college. In 1995.
We never had a falling out or anything, we just sort of lost contact with each other. It happens.
Well, a decade or so ago (I don't recall the exact timing), my sister tells me he wants me to get in contact with him, and gives me his number. Many of you may remember this, because this is the time he tells me he has cancer, and wants to hang out and for us to jam (we both play guitar). I don't recall the exact circumstances, but we didn't actually end up meeting, for whatever reason.
And that was the last I heard from him.
Until just a few days ago.
And here's where things get convoluted and messy. Remember, he's telling me all of this, so I don't know for sure how much I can verify, how much is embellished, etc. which makes the timeline a bit fuzzy.
Apparently, back in 2016, he was told by his wife that they were going to take a week-long trip to New York to see her parents. Well, they get there, and after a week, she says, "Oops...we don't have money to get home! Guess we're stuck here!" (paraphased, of course). Which he seems to think was her plan all along.
So apparently, at some point in the timeline, when he still lived in this state, between 1995 and when he contacted me a decade or so ago, a few things happened.
He started working for a police department in the nearby Metropolitan city.
Apparently, during his time with this police department, he was in an altercation where he was beaten pretty badly. At least that's how I understand it. Could have been multiple perps, or over a longer period of time. He told me he needed multiple surgeries for this, and now requires assistance to walk.
The timeline is a little fuzzy, but he also told me that while he was on the police force, a few times he seriously considered taking his own life, so he has some emotional and mental health needs that a professional can provide that I simply cannot.
So, that means Jim has a cancer diagnosis, multiple surgeries resulting in needing assistance to walk, and mental health issues.
Well, he managed to make his way back here to Texas. I don't know how he got in touch with my mother, but he's apparently staying with my her and her husband about 2.5 hours away from where I live. Seems my mother gave him my number.
She's apparently also trying to help him get on disability.
So our first conversation in years was mostly reminiscing, and him telling me some of the above stuff. It's also him telling me he's still upset with me and jealous of me (yes, he said something similar in our FIRST conversation in nearly 30 years) because I went to a specific concert in 1993 by one of our favorite singers that he didn't get to go to. Before pretty much anything else was brought up.
But then, I get a feeling. A feeling he's going to call me every day. And that's a bit much for me. But outright telling him "Don't call me every day" seems kind of rude. So I don't say anything.
So, I talk to him on the second day (two consecutive days) also. We start talking again about music (we were both 90's country music fans) and some other stuff. But then he starts talking about how "broken" he is (see diagnosis and surgeries above) and starts telling me these really dark stories about things he saw on the police force.
CAUTION!! The following story is GRAPHIC! If you don't want to read it, skip down to "STORY OVER" below.
He told me a story about while he was on the police force where he found someone in their early 20's who had committed suicide by hanging. Unfortunately, he found the body, still hanging, 3 days later. He said it really messed him up having to cut down the body and take it to wherever he had to take it, and how it made him vomit, etc.
STORY OVER
This is also when he told me the story about how, a few times, he'd sit on his bed still in uniform, and contemplate suicide.
During the course of this conversation, he also told me the story of when his mother died. Apparently, his sister told him "too late", and when he got to the hospital, she was on machines. He had power of attorney, I think, and her wishes were to have the plug pulled. So he did it. Then asked the doctor if he could lay next to her while she died. He said he did, and sang to her until she died.
So he sounds like he's sobbing while he's telling me these stories, and it's already past time when I would have gone to bed. Overall it was a two hour conversation.
Anyway, last night he calls again while I'm watching TV with my wife. It's around 8:20PM when he calls, and we'd texted a few times before that throughout the day, but mostly about nonsense stuff. So I decide to ignore the call. Let it roll to voicemail.
I go to bed at 9 PM.
I wake up this morning, and see a text from him from 9:03 PM the previous night. Three minutes after I'd gone to bed (I charge my phone in a different room).
Anyway, the text is just "Please call me".
So I sent him a brief message this morning apologizing for missing his text, and informing him that I had already gone to bed at 9PM the previous night.
Then he texts me back an odd, and a little bit disturbing, text about life being over when nobody needs you. Then a much, much longer text somewhat quoting Forrest Gump (Life is like a box of chocolates), but then ends it with saying all you have left is a box full of empty wrappers.
So he has some emotional and mental needs that I clearly cannot help him with.
The problem is, the calls daily are a little much. I mean, I'm usually good talking (or, in a lot of cases texting or emailing) with friends a couple of times a week. Now, if we weren't in the COVID era, and I were hanging out with them, it might be different.
I have a feeling he's going to call again today. But how do you tell someone with this number of issues (again, if all this is true) that calling you every day is a bit much, and how about maybe once or twice a week? Especially when they're staying at your mother's house?
I seriously thought of telling him to text that 988 number (Substance Abuse And Mental Health Services Administration). I don't know if I should. He might take offense.
I'm not necessarily comfortable with "ghosting" him, either. But I don't really want to talk to him every day. Remember, he views me as his "best friend".
My wife suggested that I call the National Mental Health Hotline myself, and explain everything to them, and see what they say.
Anybody got anything?
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