At What Age...

[AnaKhouri]

...can you expect children to take responsibility for cleaning up after themselves?

This is a matter of some concern as I want Khan to learn to be responsible, but don't want to push him to take on tasks he won't be ready for.

Detail:

The other day I visited my friend, who has a two-year-old son. Son is bright and active and sweet. But she never makes him pick up toys he has dragged out; she follows him like a maid, picking up all his stuff. At lunch, he stood up in his high chair and dumped his food all over the floor (it was obviously a deliberate act) and announced, "MESS!" while grinning broadly. I expected my friend to chastise him for making the mess, and tell him to help her clean it up. No, she just shook her head and cleaned it up herself.

I think a two-year-old should be able to learn to clean up their own messes; sure, they may not get every crumb or Lego piece but I think it would set a solid foundation for later chores. I expect my friend's son could easily help sort laundry by color or make his bed too (again, not perfectly but it would set a precedent).

Am I unreasonable? What sort of chores could you expect a two-year-old to help with? My friend's son has a toy broom and dustpan that I have seen him play with so I know he knows how to use them! Couldn't he be taught to use them for real?

Thanks for the help! I will probably have lots of other questions as Khan grows up!

[Green_Fairy]

i totally agree with you. once a child understands what a mess is and how to make one, they should help clean up. whenever we have The Boy's 2 year old daughter (hence forth known as The Kid ), we always have her help clean up. she knows to put dishes in the sink, her diapers in the trash, and her toys in the bin.
it's never to early to start on foundations like that, imho

[Megg]

If it wasn't evil to laugh at the misfortune of others, I would laugh at your friend. What, exactly, is she going to do when the child is 13,14,15 and does that? Nothing at all, because now she's taught him it is okay. My daughter started picking up after herself around 2 - she did a terrible job, heck still does! But she tries, at least.

I feel sorry for parents who let their toddlers do whatever they want - it will never stop, as long as they live, if they don't nip that stuff in the bud early.

[Greenday]

I'm going to go ahead and disagree with you all. The kid is two. If you are really expecting more, you are definitely expecting too much. In a year or two, things will change but at two? Chastise the kid but you can't honestly expect every two year old to be able to understand that messes are bad and how to clean up.

[Evil Queen]

I picked up after myself when I was 3. Sure, I fought my Mom about it but what toddler doens't? Now, after the accident (at 4) I didn't do as well of a job but that's because I was generally high on meds at the time.


At 23 I'm better at cleaning now.

[NightAngel]

I'm going to go ahead and disagree with you all. The kid is two. If you are really expecting more, you are definitely expecting too much. In a year or two, things will change but at two? Chastise the kid but you can't honestly expect every two year old to be able to understand that messes are bad and how to clean up.

I don't think anyone means they expect the kid to clean the whole house or anything. A 2 year old can understand that there is a place for the toys- trust me, if there is a toy box a 2 year old will know what and where it is. So, it's not a far stretch to teach them to put toys there as well as taking them out.

Now, young children generally do not have long attention spans. So, if there is, let's say, 5 toys out and it's clean up time the parent probably shouldn't expect that the kid is going to put away more than 1 maybe 2 of those. The parent should probably be leading by example anyway.

It also helps if you sing a clean up song- yes, sounds silly but it works. It makes it seem fun plus, they learn when they hear that song to do that certain thing. Most preschools/daycares use clean up songs. You can Google "clean up songs for kids" and get several simple little ditties.

As with anything to do with kids- patience and consistancy are key.

[Megg]

NightAngel, I can tell you're a parent. You said it better than I could. There is a difference between slave-driving a kid into cleaning the house versus teaching him it is NOT okay to dump your lunch on the floor then laugh about it. If he had to "help" clean it, despite the fact he would do little more than move it around, he would learn that it isn't as funny as he thought.

[DGoddessChardonnay]

As with anything to do with kids- patience and consistancy are key.

My Mom practically said "screw patience" back when I was about 4 or 5.

Coming home from work late at night after working 2 jobs was bad enough for her. Last thing she wanted to do was to step on a damn Weeble Wobble trying to get down the hallway to the bedroom in bare feet (my mom loves to go barefoot . . . ick.)

Yeah, Grandma was there all day with me. But she never made me clean up after myself. Mom would fuss and cuss and raise Hell and Grandma would say the usual stuff like "well, she's just a baby . . . "

Mom decided one day she'd had enough and brought the big metal trash can into my bedroom and threw everything that was in the floor into it before hauling it out to the side of the house.

Pissed? Yeah she was. Arguing with my Grandma to start teaching me to pick up after myself was useless, so Mom decided to take matters into her own hands.

And I was madder than Hell myself, but then what pre-schooler wouldn't be? I was outside in a flash trying to dig my toys out of that trashcan . . .

But I learned a very important lesson: keep my room picked up and cleaned up and I wouldn't have to go fishing for my stuff out of the trash anymore.

And now who's raising hell over shoes being left out in the dining room floor?

Me . . . and the shoes are Mom's . . . I think the roles revesed somewhere along the line and I didn't get the memo.

[BarbieGirl]

I have a nearly 4 and barely 2 year old, both boys. We sing a silly pick up song. They love to stand at the dryer and throw in the wet clothing They also get to find all the socks in the pile of laundry and put it in a pile for me. They also love to put dirty dishes in the sink and throw away trash. If it's plastic stuff I'll let them take things out of the dish washer and hand it to me to put away. My 4yo likes to help push the vacuum. the 2yo will pick up his spilled dry food, the 4yo can wipe up wet spills. Not that they do everything ALL the time but a pretty good portion. It really helps to have a reward for their help. I'll give them a fig newton or fruit snacks after they help clean up . We basically really started with the cleaning up around 18 months.
There is hope =-). My 4 yo lately has even been picking up and putting dishes in the sink without having to be asked.

[CaroPhoenix]

Child Rum is slowly picking up on the "cleaning up" concept. Mainly because I can't be half-arsed to clean up after myself. You do not want to see my dining room table which is used for everything but dining. *le sigh*

However, I think she's picking it up from Nana Rum (my mommy). My mom is a stickler for cleaning up. I should be more like her, but right now .. *le sigh* ... just not in the horizon or the universe for the time being.

Anyways, by the time I was like 7 or 8 I was helping to clean my room, making my bed, whatever. She showed me first what she expected.

Child Rum likes to throw a fuss ("I'm done!" after putting one toy away), but she'll do it.

At 2 years old, the child should know that upending his lunch is unacceptable. The mother should have said, "What a mess! I'm letting you down and you can help Mommy clean up." Would he have done anything? Probably not, but he would have known that you have to clean messes and he would be expected to do. Everytime there is a mess, the mom should include the kid. That's what I did with Child Rum starting around 2. Gets easier ... someday.

[BookstoreEscapee]

A two-year-old is definitely old enough to learn to put away their toys. Making the bed might be a bit much (they probably can't reach very well). And they can most certainly learn that it is not acceptable to throw food on the floor. I wouldn't expect them to mop it up, but trust me, a two-year-old knows the word "No." (For most two-year-olds, it's their favorite word! )

[Amina516]

Have to agree with most posters and say that a 2 year old can be taught what a mess is and where toys go. Job wont be perfect, and you end up doing much yourself, but it reinforces this for later in life. Eventually its second nature and hopefully they begin to do it without being asked. Thats what the barney clean up song is for.

Rest assured, a 6 year old on a chair, tipping his food over and shouting "MESS" isnt as cute.

*mom of two, 4 and 9.*

[Seshat]

Big coloured bins for each member of the family - yes, even Daddy and Mummy - can be a huge help as the children grow up.

Go from room to room throughout the house. You and the kids collect toys and other things, and sort them into the bins. Then the bins go into each person's room, and the stuff inside them gets put away.

Depending on how you want to play it, the kids might be allowed to use the bins as carriers - they choose which toys they want to play with in the living room, put them in the bin, take them to the living room and play with them, then put them back in the bin when they're done.

Doesn't work for all families, and of course they get better (or worse!) as they get older. But it can help.