She's Being Too Clingy...

[Greenday]

Ah, my last semester of college. The home stretch. And I'm lucky enough to be able to take a gen ed and an elective. My last gen ed is a freshman level history class. It's a joke. I've been chatting with this freshman girl who sits next to me and she seems pretty cool. I invited her to chill at my apartment the other night and we had a good time getting to know about each other. While listening to music, she just started making out with me, which took me by surprise, but hey, I'm not turning that down. When we took a breather, I made sure to tell her exactly my feelings. It's my last semester, I'm not looking to start anything serious at all. She said she understood and we continued on for a lil bit before it got late.

We hung out again last night and she started pouring out her soul to me. She's had guys mess with her, trick her, force her to do some things. She said she was glad to have a guy friend who is straightforward and isn't going to pressure her to do things she isn't ready to (which is of course the way I roll, if she's not ready, I don't want her to do something she would regret). She's also jealous of her girl friends in her hall because they still have high school boyfriends and she doesn't have any guys.

She texted me this morning half an hour before class to see if I had gotten there yet and it's like damn, she knows I'm going today, I'll get there when I get there. Then she called tonight to tell me how her back is hurting her (she has a very rare neurological disorder that actually resulted in a House episode) and while she did a good amount of recovering, there's still some to go. She kept saying she was glad that I'm so nice to her.

What I'm thinking is that she's so used to guys being such jerks, the one time a guy starts to treat her well she's just latching on to me.

So, members of CS, what the hell do I do? I mean, I'm extremely flattered to have someone admit they have a crush on me because I'm cute (this is a first for me) and make a move on me (also a first). But she's feeling clingy already despite having an understanding that I'm not doing a relationship. I didn't word it in a weird way. I flat out stated I'm not starting a relationship and she repeated it. So what do I say to her? One of my friends said to just tell her she's acting too clingy since we just started chilling less than a week ago so it's better to say something now than later. What do you guys think?

[ApolloSZ]

Maybe get a sit down meeting with her some where neutral, and ask her outright how she sees you two, because your getting a 'different impression'. And yes, sooner rather than later to be safe.

Thats my two cents, but I'm interested to see what others say.

Maybe she is like this to all friends? Do you know any of hers?

[Greenday]

Maybe she is like this to all friends? Do you know any of hers?

I briefly met a couple that are from her dorm. They were all girls.

[Amina516]

Youre filling that void thats left by not having a man(or a best friend) in her life., The issue being that she wants a male "friend" BUT shes making out with you ..so she needs to decided where she wants you to be in all this . Id recommend what Apollo says as far as laying down the law and letting her know where she stands and your feeling in all to this.

Ill chalk it up to her being young and basically lonely since everyone else seems to have an S.O. Now if she remains this way after your talk...run!

She may have had a House episode created around her, but if she stays stalkerish, you have might have a Law and Order episode created after you. (j/k..but u get the idea)

[ApolloSZ]

I briefly met a couple that are from her dorm. They were all girls.

Sounds like she may have a mildly skewed view on interacting with guys then, if she's got all girl friends, and what sounds like assholes for ex bf's.

NOTE - This does not mean 'go easy' on her because of this. Still do the sit down and clarify thing. But it may help you realise where she's coming from.

Hopefully, she'll realise your trying to keep her from being hurt (by laying out the situation now rather than later)

[Aethian]

Not only that but it sounds like she has never had a best male friend. And so is trying to put boyfriend and friend who is a boy together. Arms length time...no more spontanious making out.

[blas]

Just politely but very firmly tell her how you feel about her (even if you're starting to sound like a broken record) and you can be even be blunt and say that it's really putting you off. It sounds mean, but some people truly don't know how annoying or clingy they can be until someone tells them.

If she still annoys you and floods your phone after that, you don't have to be nice anymore.

[Jester]

I want to emphasize what Blas said about being polite. Be NICE. There are ways to do this, to clarify the situation and tell her diplomatically that she may be getting a bit beyond your acceptable borders, and still be nice about it.

The reason I emphasize this is because to me it sounds like, more than anything, this girl is just very very lonely, and a guy she has shown interest in (you) has responded to said interest (making out). She could be very fragile right now, so be polite, be kind, and be gentle. I'm not saying not to tell her what's what, just do so in a sweet way.

If she starts being stalkerish after that, then lower the boom. But I have to say, despite what some have said in here, I don't think she is being stalkerish now. I think she is excited and enthused about the new development between you and her, and I know from personal experience how sometimes enthusiasm and excitement can translate into going overboard. Over the years, I have had to train myself in personal restraint, because I am one to get over-enthused and over-excited by such things, and frankly, I have chased some girls away by doing so.

Good luck!

[blas]

Jester, I do not think she is being a stalker *yet* either, but you can never be too safe. It's a good way to cover your own butt to warn that person how you feel about the matter. That way, if the other person does not back off, you have no reason to be nice to them anymore or feel obligated to hang out with them or even talk to them if you don't want to.

[Jester]

...you can never be too safe.

But you can be too mean. And this is coming from a guy who takes pride in the fact that he ruined another dude's night a couple of weeks ago! (It's what he got for messing with a friend, so well-deserved.)

My point being that there is a time and place for everything, and I think we are being premature to jump to stalker warnings at this point. If she isn't a stalker, and if she is a bit sensitive, such things could fuck with the girl's head for years to come.

[bainsidhe]

There's some interesting viewpoints here. Any updates?

My two cents: There's nothing wrong with being polite/nice/sweet, as long as you're not a pushover. I've had coworkers (aka: so-called friends) that would latch onto anyone showing a glimmer of interest. Some were moochers, determined to manipulate and leech, others were simply emotional vampires, too caught up in their own DRAMA to realize the world doesn't revolve around them. These types live in a soap opera world where every significant (and insignificant) detail of their life is filled with woe and anguish.

If she is indeed a moocher or drama queen, you may decide to limit contact with her. Don't allow yourself to be manipulated into feeling sorry for her and giving her more attention.

[Greenday]

I'm wondering if she sensed something or just for herself but she's had been putting off hanging out. We hung out last night and we had a lot of fun chatting and listening to music while singing to it. I forced her to do some studying that she needed to do. Things seem to have balanced out for now. We might hang out this Saturday so we'll see how things go.