Gastric Bypass

[AriGriffin]

My mom is in the process of getting everything needed to have the gastric bypass surgery done. It might prolong her life, possibly get her off her diabetes medication, and she does need to loose weight (so do I). I am still against her having the surgery. Excuse my rambling.

After seeing the nutritionist, she recieved a diet and excercise plan to follow before the surgery. She hasn't been sticking to it. She came home with cheesecake mix, cookie dough ice cream, chocolate candy bars, and soda the last time she went grocery shopping. Her excuse was it was all on sale. When I go with her I suggest to get healthy stuff but she refuses to buy it and gets the junk instead. She has even told me to shut up and leave her alone. She is supposed to be drinking protein drinks and taking vitamins but she refuses to saying she doesn't like them and they are too expensive.

I try to get her to go take myself and the dogs for a walk- we have to go to the park 10 miles away because the area where we live isn't safe- or to do some of the exercise tapes my aunt gave her. She says she is too tired and she'll do it later. Mom was told to join a support group and she hasn't.

Mom's older sister, a friend of the family, and my dad's mom have had the surgery done. Two of them had complications- aunt had surgery tools left in and friend ended up staying in the hospital for a month. Grandma might have, I don't talk to her much anymore. Mom is going to go to the same doctor that did Aunt and Friend's surgeries.

Mom's older sister and Mom's dad are paying for the out-of-pocket cost. It is going to be over $2,000 after everything is said and done. Mom went through the tests and was supposed to get the surgery done three years ago but couldn't afford the up-front payment for the procedure.

I don't think Mom is going to stick to the diet and exercise plan after the surgery given her history and I think it might cause her to die. The family is all for her getting the surgery. I think she should cut out the bad foods and exercise and see if that works before getting the surgery.

I just don't know what to do. I have tried talking to her but she won't listen or turns it on me about how I need to have the surgery and do it with her.

It is just frustrating...
I am almost twenty-three and I have been big all my life. I want to loose the weight and have lost some but I feel helpless. Everytime I see Mom's dad he harps on four things- loosing weight is #1 (the other three belong in the other community). It is starting to be the same way speach wise when I see the other family members. I want to be able to go fencing, horseback riding, and hiking again though with my back I doubt I will, but who knows. I am tired of being sick and in pain because of a bad diet and being overweight.

I also have a whole hang up about food that I am having to work through because of her and her mother. It sounds stupid, but I think that fruits and vegies are only for dinner and even then the selection is limited to a few varieties of each. Starches, dairy, sweets, and meat are the main foods. I love fruit and vegetables. They are also expensive and therefore I can only have them during dinner. Like I said, I know it is stupid and I am trying to work through it and eat a healthy, balanced meal. Every time she shoots down getting something heathy it doesn't help.

Again, sorry for the rambling. I have been stressing over it and loosing sleep.

[Seshat]

Fruit, vegetables, and wholegrains are for all the time. (Say it with me!)

Water is the best thing to drink. Tea (without masses of sugar!) is also good.

For exercise, start slow. Start so slow it feels like nothing, then build up 20% once or twice a week. The very last bit of the exercise should be effort, but not so much effort that you lose form.

As for the cost, frozen fruits and vegetables are actually just as good nutritionally as fresh - sometimes more so. Depending on the F&V, the frozen are much cheaper and just as yummy.

Try swapping price for price with the other foods. Instead of $10 of sweets, try $10 of frozen fruits. Instead of sweetened yoghurts or cream, try unflavoured yoghurt and have it with the frozen fruit.

[AnaKhouri]

Is there a way you can tell your mom's doctor she hasn't been following instructions? The surgery might be really dangerous is she hasn't done as she was told and he might give her a stern talking-to or even refuse to do the surgery.

Random suggestions:

I am trying to lose the baby weight. Frozen fruit is just as good as ice cream (well, almost) if you eat it still frozen and frozen vegetables are relatively cheap. A glass of chocolate skim milk is also yummy and fills you up for a couple hours (plus: calcium!). And guess what- you can whip cauliflower and carrots and they are a lot like potatoes and sweet potatoes! Eggplant is great for filling vegetarian recipes.

Exercise sucks but you feel really good when it's over. Having something to distract you while you do it makes a difference too, so a treadmill + TV or an iPod while waking is great.

Good luck!

[r2cagle]

I agree with Ana.. the doctor may not even do the surgery if Mom is refusing to change her diet or make other changes. Then again, this may be your Mom's way of sabotaging herself... 'see nothing works, I'm not trying again, yada, yada'.
Being a diabetic and buying/eating all those sweets, sure sounds like she's doing very little to take care of herself.

If that's the case, there is nothing you can actually do. Try talking to your Aunt, as the sibling and part of where the money is coming from, she might be able to intervene or at least convince your mom to seek further counceling assistance. (I wouldn't advise Grandpa, he sounds like he'll aggravate it worse)

For yourself, you need to do what you must to take care of yourself. Focus most of your energies on yourself, and your diet/exercise/mental health. You might gently ask your Mom if she's got a will and power of attorney drafted, so that you are not stuck with a mess when she dies. And does she have any wishes for her funeral, she should think about writing them down so her family can honour them. If she asks why you are so worried, you can tell her - "It's not worry, it's a fact that it's coming, and I just want to be ready". She won't like it, but really... all her behavior and evidence is showing that she just doesn't care about doing what it takes to live a long, healthy life. That sucks big time, but better prepare for the worst and maybe she'll get the point that it's her choice and she needs to step up and make some significant changes.

You need to try not to argue with her, keep emphasizing that it's her choice and her life and you just want what is best for her. Whatever she decides, you'll still love her.

Lots of hugs and best wishes, Ari. (sorry, so long)

[iradney]

I agree, see if you can tell the Dr that your Mom is NOT following the pre surgery instructions. I reckon any Dr worth his salt will not allow such a large procedure to go through without the patient following his explicit pre-surgery instructions.

[trailerparkmedic]

**hugs**

My cousin was morbidly obese. She had gastric bypass surgery and lost tons of weight (well over 100 pounds). Because her eating habits are so bad, she's gained all the weight back over a few years. Maybe if you tell your mom about her, it will have an impact.

I agree with others to talk to your mom's doctor or to those who are paying for her surgery.

Random eating tips for you: Frozen veggies are much cheaper than fresh. Canned stuff works well too. Only buy in season fresh fruits and veggies. Check out farmers markets (you may have to wait until it warms up). Try growing some of your own veggies--even if you have very little space, some grow well in pots on an apartment patio. Try a vegetarian meal once in a while to save money on meat, then use that for healthier options.

I've found Weight Watchers to be a great tool for me (I do it online). A free online diet site is sparkpeople.com, and if you can get past the people who think that any processed food will kill you, there is a lot of good support and good information about eating better.

Most importantly, take care of yourself--not just physically, but emotionally and mentally.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

My feelings towards gastric bypass is this: they are going to put you on a special regimen. If you were willing to follow said regimen, you would not "need" gastric bypass.

People want the magic bullet. They think GB is that magic bullet. Your mom is certainly not alone in her attitude. I mean, just her actions of showing up with all this crap food even while she's looking down the barrel of major surgery and possibly death tells you that she's not going to make the changes.

I don't know what to say to you, except I'm sorry. But there will be nothing you can say or do to to make her suddenly start taking some responsibility for her own heath. All you can do is to stop feeling responsible for it.

[Flying Grype]

My feelings towards gastric bypass is this: they are going to put you on a special regimen. If you were willing to follow said regimen, you would not "need" gastric bypass.

Not always. I have a friend who was morbidly obese before the surgery, and lost a few hundred pounds once he'd settled into the routine after it. He's not always good about keeping the routine and has gained some of the weight back, but it was far less than he lost and he's in much better health than he was. He had it done because nothing else was working, not diet or exercise or anything, even when he stuck to it.

I assume that the bypass makes you feel full sooner so that you're forced to not eat as much, rather than having to trick yourself into thinking you feel full when you actually don't. Some people's appetites are just out of whack compared to how much food they actually need.

Having said that, it's possible to get back into the habit of eating slightly larger meals at each sitting, and stretching the stomach out so that the bypass is less effective. And of course eating super-rich foods would take back some of the benefit. It sounds like AriGriffin's mother might not have the discipline to keep from falling into that trap. Her doctor should know that.

Look for books by Carnie Wilson (yes, singer from Wilson Phillips and daughter of Brian Wilson). She had some huge weight problems and got the staple job, and she has written some healthy and reassuring things about it. She even compiled a cookbook of really comforting and luxurious foods, with a chapter on how to eat the foods you want and keep your bypass from denying you good food.

[CaroPhoenix]

Mr. Rum was seriously considering gastric bypass. (After all, he's 5'10" and was at one point 476 pounds!)

I really didn't want him to get the surgery. (Not that I didn't want him losing the weight, I did, but I knew he has better self-control than me). I encouraged him to try exercise, eating better (and now he's obnoxious, but that's for another thread )

I did too much research to know the down side of the surgeries (plus, those who are morbidly obese with a BMI that was ridiculously high, had a higher risk of dying within the first 90 days of their surgery than if they never had their surgery).

And I really think you should talk to your Mom's doctor and tell him/her/it what is happening with your mom's "diet". If she can't stick to the eating requirements before the surgery, I doubt she can stick to it afterwards. Also, did she did get a psychological eval? That's also usually a requirement for the surgery. If not, make sure it's required, get her to one the surgeon recommends and then see what happens from there. Mentally, she could just not be ready even though her body is telling her she is.

[Aethian]

If she isn't going to follow the before, she won't follow the after.

[Amina516]

If she isn't going to follow the before, she won't follow the after.

Ditto.

I know someone who had it done and is now the SAME weight she was presurgery...didnt listen to the plan that was set for her.

I also knew someone who passed out all the time. Because instead of eating the vitamin rich food she was supposed to, she ate chips and crap.

There are usually guidelines to meet on your own, presurgery. This includes losing a certain amount of weight beforehand and showing your knowledge of the regimen. Any surgeon worth his weight in salt would refuse to do your mothers, IMO.

[AriGriffin]

Mom had the psychologist evaluate her last week. She is still waiting on the results though the psychologist said she should be okay. She told him how she wanted to be able to put her shoes on without having to sit on the couch and lift her leg up and onto the seat to be able to tie her shoe. They gave her an IQ like test. From what she said... I highly doubt she passed it.

For example, one of the sections had her fill out patterns.
RAT=TAR, MIT=TIM, DOG=GOD that kind of thing. Mom had MOOD, what did she put down? DOOR because DOOM wasn't a 'real' word. TAB, POT, and APE weren't real words either. When it came to numerical patterns, she put down 11 for the sequence 1, 3, 5, 7, __.

I fixed dinner tonight. I made baked chicken, couscous, mixed vegetables (califlower, broccoli, and carrots), and homemade applesauce. She got mad because she wanted chili dogs and fries and then complained that she was hungry after eating.

She is supposed to go to a sleep study Wednesday night and then have blood work the next morning.

I talked to my aunt about Mom not following the dietary guidelines, but she accused me of being jealous that Mom was going to get the surgery and I wasn't. Mom is going to be pissed at me when my aunt tells her what I did. I don't care though, I don't want her to get it done.

[Seshat]

It sounds like you know the basics of what you need to do to become healthy, and that your major handicaps are psychological.

Get your doctor to test you for diabetes & metabolic disorders - sometimes an unhealthy eating pattern, especially familial, is itself a symptom of an underlying disorder.

And - regardless of the results of the tests - have your doctor refer you to a psychologist who can help you (a) learn to ignore bad advice/family pressures, and (b) get a better relationship with food, exercise and your body.

Good luck. I'm sorry about your mother - but YOU should be pleased with yourself.

[Rapscallion]

When it came to numerical patterns, she put down 11 for the sequence 1, 3, 5, 7, __.

You know, had that first number been 2, then it would have been correct for prime numbers.

However, it sounds as if she's relying on something other than herself for the cure. She's the one who has to eat properly and less than she's doing now, not a machine or a surgery.

Rapscallion

[trailerparkmedic]

Just wanted to say that your dinner sounds delicious. Wanna come cook for me?