Anger issues (this could get violent)

[Caffienated_Caramel]

I'm downstairs away from mom at the moment. lemme state situation.

She's throwing a fit about how the section 8 housing is set up. She's like "Why don' they have them in scottsdale I don't wanna live somewhere where there's knifing, drugs, whores and/or niggers!"

Yes

She said that.

Please forgive me for saying that. I am not racist, I have friends who are black and they are wonderful people.

Sadly she is (I believe she is she thinks she's not though) and it pisses me off that she's acting like an EW about this. Of course the cheap housing is not going to be in nice areas. If they were then everyone would want to be there instead and the waiting list would be longer!

Its either section 8 or senior housing. She's not a senior yet she's got 2 more years to go. But she's also disabled.

I had to remove myself from the situation and her because I did not want to get violent.

which brings up the topic title.

I admit I have a nasty temper. Which I do my best to keep at bay and/or to myself. Also I have the feeling to hurt other people. The best thing I can think of is removing myself from the situation and calm the hell down.

But I have a bad feeling that might not work for long. Especially if I start working again where I can't remove myself from the issue.

Guys? What do I do?

[TelephoneAngel]

That was good timing, i just tipped a plate of roast dinner over boyfriends head, you and me both.

[Jester]

That was good timing, i just tipped a plate of roast dinner over boyfriends head, you and me both.

Now THAT is something that demands details!

[Magpie]

Even if you aren't always able to remove yourself from the situation, do it when you can. It will help you get into the habit of calming down & coming up with more productive ways to cope. Don't beat yourself up (literally or figuratively) because you can't go from zero to perfect all at once, just do what you can to get there.

For ways to remove yourself (these are limited, but see what you can do):

-consider talking to family and friends and explain that you've noticed that you're getting really angry, and you'd like to be able to go calm down when this happens. During an argument, TELL them that you need to calm down, you'll be back, and then go back when you can (otherwise they'll object to you leaving if you just run away and never come back).

-with your mother in the OP, I'd say you did the right thing. She was in no mood to be reasonable about it, and you removed yourself from a toxic situation.

-remember that it's ok to be upset. Trying to suppress it makes things worse. Let the person know that they're upsetting you (do so as calmly as you can), and that you aren't able to be constructive when you're upset.

And if you do find any really good tricks, please let me know. I need all the help I can get, and sometimes my social coach focuses too much on the "yay, you made some progress" parts, and downplays the fact that I'm hurting people here.

[TelephoneAngel]

He hs this infuriating habit of interrupting me, to say something completely unconnected with what I'm saying, after I've started speaking, andwhat he says is SO trivial,he can only do it on purpose,usually when what Ihave tosayis VERY important.

For example

me-I've had an urgent phone call from your dentist because
him - I think i'll have some toast
me - they've changed your appointment time this afternoon, did you even hear what i said?

it makes me angry and i've asked him time and again not to do it.There have been times when he's done this then not listened towhat i said afterwards because he's been too busy congratulating himself on once again annoying me when he's missed appointments then claimed i never told him.

So yesterday i said
I need to tell you something important, there was a
immediatley he jumps in with "i mustn't forget to take my pills" (these are some herbal pills not even prescription)

i stop speaking and say ok, i wont finish what i was saying.
I start looking at my emails and not speaking

boyfriend starts shouting "you're always right,aren't you, behaving like alittle kid and refusing to speak"

so i picked up the plate of dinner and dumped it over his head, since it was allhis fault and he did it on purpose then started blaming me.

[TheSHAD0W]

(1) Try to stand in other peoples' shoes. If you can understand where they are coming from, what they are thinking, why they are reacting in a certain way, it will help you deal with the situation. You may not agree with their decisions, but you can debate them effectively.

(2) You may be "in the moment" too much. Try to step back, mentally, from the interactions taking place and observe both yourself and the person(s) you are speaking with, and how you react to them and vice-versa. This can be difficult when you're angry or otherwise emotionally overwhelmed, but with practice you can do this automatically and learn a lot about both yourself and how to deal with others.

[Flying Grype]

Getting out of the situation and calming down is a good thing. Have you ever actually hurt someone physically because you couldn't control your anger? If not, maybe it's not so bad -- you are controlling it. Controlling it doesn't mean you won't feel angry. You are not the Hulk. If you've never hurt anyone and you are capable of thinking clearly enough to get yourself out of the situation, you don't have to be afraid of your own anger.

If you have hurt someone, or if it's getting harder to control rather than easier, then get help. One of my depressive symptoms is what feels to me like uncontrollable rage. I haven't hurt anyone, but I know that it's time to change my meds if I'm getting to the point where I can't step back and calm down.

[r2cagle]

One 'weird' trick I sometimes still use to prevent losing my temper when I can't get away:
I focus(sometimes hyperfocus) on some part of the other person's face, like their mouth or the way their hair bobbles, or how the adams apple jumps when they talk.. etc. I find I can prevent my emotions from getting so worked up that I do or say something I regret. Oh, I will still be angry, but not out of control, and it's easier to respond after the other person has finished their angry diatribe. It also takes the wind out the other person when you are standing there calmly waiting to speak (because you've been watching the funny way spit flies from their lips or thinking that their eyebrows need to be plucked before the unibrow takes over )

Well, it worked for me anyway and I haven't had to do that in a long time.

[Caffienated_Caramel]

Getting out of the situation and calming down is a good thing. Have you ever actually hurt someone physically because you couldn't control your anger? If not, maybe it's not so bad -- you are controlling it. Controlling it doesn't mean you won't feel angry. You are not the Hulk. If you've never hurt anyone and you are capable of thinking clearly enough to get yourself out of the situation, you don't have to be afraid of your own anger.

If you have hurt someone, or if it's getting harder to control rather than easier, then get help. One of my depressive symptoms is what feels to me like uncontrollable rage. I haven't hurt anyone, but I know that it's time to change my meds if I'm getting to the point where I can't step back and calm down.

Oh but I do feel like the hulk sometimes.

Have I hurt someone. Almost long time ago. My own sister. Chased her with a knife and stabbed the hell out of her door. However I was 13. I more out of control back then and I was...more or less getting help at that time.

I have hurt myself before in fits of rage to prevent myself from hurting someone else. THIS was in bootcamp. Where if I got into physical fights I would have gotten in serious trouble.

heres an ex) Having multiple arguments with the girls to the point where I want to punch their freaking lights out. But instead of punching them, I diverted it to where I would punch myself instead. (I did NOT get along with girls then)

After that, if I couldn't remove myself from the situation, I would shut down to the point I was a mindless zombie.

Edit:

oh wait wait YES I have! This is more of my ex's (now good friend) memory than my own because I don't remember this at ALL. Previous therapist said when anxiety is very high memory loss can happen.

'07. Ex was visiting me on leave and one afternoon mom and grandma were fighting. To me it was not new to hear them go into a verbal brawl. BUT I was upset because they HAD to start up when Ex was were. All I remember was pacing around wanting them to stop. Whether I was muttering them to stop it or not I don't know. I vaguely remember a flash which Ex wraps his arms around me to calm me down.

At this point everything is a blank and his memory. When he was trying to calm me down, I bit his nipple. He said I bit hard too cuz he tried to pull away but I would not let go. So he had to hit me, bop me on the head. I think. And I let go and like a switch I shut off. I stood there like a statue and then after a minute or so I start pacing again.

Since then I never really did get violent. I know I need help. Not just with anger issues but social anxiety as well. Bu I can't afford it Seeing a doctor ain't cheap.

[McGoddess09]

This going to sound weird, but stay with me.

Carry around a stress ball, like a squuezy foam ball you can get from Wal-Mart or from blood donation places. When you get angry, squeeze it as much as you need. It can help re-focus the energy you have from your rage to the stress ball.

That helped me get over my anger issues. Well, one of the things actually. Once I got a job, I had to teach myself to refocus my energy elsewhere with a smile on my face.