27 year old guy who is afraid to drive?

[phantasy]

I learned how to drive, and I was OK with it until my now ex-boyfriend traumatized me with it.

When I got my learners' permit, my family wouldn't teach me how to drive. My boyfriend, at the time 17 years old, offered to teach me. I said yes.
We went to the deserted part of town where theres no traffic, and we started to drive around. Only problem is, in MD you need to learn to drive with an adult over 21 years of age, whos had their lisence for some random amount of years. Boyfriend didn't meet those requirements.

Boyfriend freaked me out by telling me "If a cop comes up behind you, don't freak out and do something stupid. Just drive normally, and he'll go away"
Then boyfriend yelled out something in spanish that freaked me out (I was driving his car at the moment, and he yelled because I was about to drive into the grassy part of the park) so of course I freaked a little bit and swerved slightly. Cop noticed, came and hovered.

This of course freaked me out even more, and I ended up getting pulled over. BF told me "whatever happens, I WAS DRIVING."
I stuck to the story, cops searched car for drugs, boyfriend finally admitted thr truth out of my earshot, then I still stuck to my story. Cops continued to question me, and when I stuck to the story, ex-BF comes out saying "no, it's ok. just tell them the truth", making me feel and look really stupid.

It was that day that I was traumatized being pulled over by cops (I never get in trouble, I'm one of those people I guess that are scared of authority), that I found out that my exbf watched pr0n (cop found it and laughed) and the last day I ever drove.

I now live in Peru, home of the cheapest public transportation. It's awesome.

[Fire_on_High]

LOL pass that list along then please. :-)

[Magpie]

... we'll get a vehicle big enough for a 6'5", 275 lb guy to be comfy in.

You'll pick one of the three options? Friends where she's probably under 1.5m, he's probably over 2. They had fun finding a car. We're getting a list from them if we're ever stuck needing to get one.

[Fire_on_High]

I drive, hubby doesn't...he's a big dude and my car's tiny. Even with the seat all the way back, the wheel is buried into his gut enough that it can't be turned easily.

No sense to have the money into a license and insurance when my car's too small for him to drive. He's got a state non-driving ID for anything that requires it, like voting or buying R rated movies/tickets, and if we ever have an overwhelming long term need for him to drive then we'll get a vehicle big enough for a 6'5", 275 lb guy to be comfy in.

I love my Hyundai Accent and he swears it's far more comfortable in the passenger side than my mom's Escort due to the smaller dash, but it's still a very small car, and the seat only goes about 4 inches further back than the comfortable driving position for 5'1" me.

[blas]

I love the bigger city I live in. I really couldn't be bothered to move back home. Actually, I'd have to drive there, too, to get to work, lest I wanted to walk 2 miles in the snow to get to work. Or I could live in the brand spankin new apartments in the industrial park by the factory (peww!) for $800+ a month.

Meh, I'm keeping the car and the license. It works for me

[Magpie]

And I'm not moving back to the city I work in just to save money and not drive.

But that's exactly the nub of the "you need a car" argument. Needing or not needing a car is a life choice. You can't just not own a car. You need to make conscious decisions to live in a way that doesn't require a car. You have looked at the options and chosen. The issues with not owning a car come when you just can't be bothered to get one, or don't bother living in a way that frees you from needing one. My mother-in-law doesn't drive, and managed just fine out in a small town, about 45 minutes from the nearest medium-sized city. However, she is a very stubborn woman, and had to do a lot of things that most people wouldn't be willing to do. And really, I can't blame most people for not wanting to make an 1.5 hour commute at awkward times to get to class. It is POSSIBLE though.

[blas]

There are a few people around here who don't have licenses/vehicles and rely on the piss poor public transit around here. I pity them.

I'd never make it without a car or my license. I have to drive almost 15 miles to work every night. A cab ride to 15 miles away is $25 or more. I'm not paying that every night. I'm also not going to try to find a friend to drive me every single night. Then I'd have to pay for that as well. It's better to just pay for my own gas and drive.

It kind of leaves a bad taste in my mouth when people preach about how nobody needs a vehicle or has to drive. There may be bigger cities with 24/7 public tansit and better options, but here, we just don't have them. And I'm not moving back to the city I work in just to save money and not drive.

[Exaspera]

I couldn't wait to get my license when I turned of legal age at 16! The freedom of it all. Especially here in Dallas where you really need a car to get anywhere. But I have also lived in Lubbock, Houston and San Antonio, and you really need a car for those places, too.

40+ years of driving and NO TICKETS!

[Andara Bledin]

My brother used to bitch at me while I was driving his loser ass around.

He then acted all surprised when I wouldn't do it any longer.

^-.-^

[Jester]

I was hanging out the other night with a guy who is 37 and has never had a license. He seemed perfectly fine with it.

As for people bumming rides, it is standard practice to offer gas money or some other compensation to someone nice enough to give you a ride. To not do that or, worse, bitch about people who are giving you rides, is simply unacceptable behavior.

"Gas, grass, or ass...nobody rides for free."

[Squeaksmyalias]

I think something you should think about if you plan on dating this guy is how much of a man he is about getting rides.

Is he expecting free rides? If he can't get a ride to work for instance, is he blaming it on the folks he normally gets rides from? Because he didn't line up a ride or find another way in.

My friend's bother does that often, Not paying people for gas, it's their fault he was late, or can't go in. It's something that I personally find unappealing in a potential boyfriend, or even a friend. I'm not someone's free ride, nor am I the one who is at fault when they find themselves late for work.

I think you need to focus on how he is with his responsibilities versus him not driving. Yes it might make things a bit more difficult, but being a man or an adult isn't about having a car it's how he is handling the fact he doesn't own one and what he is doing about it.

You said yourself you are nervous too, some people aren't meant to be drivers and that's fine, support him, encourage but be careful not to be pushy about it.
Good luck.

[shankyknitter]

I see no reason to own a car, and its not just because I'm a broke hippy college student. A few of the arguments I have heard:

1. I need it to get to work (I don't even have my license and I've never had a problem getting to work. Bus, walk, ride a bike, enough people do drive that carpooling is often an option too)

2. you need a car to be an adult (since when? Cars are relatively new in the grand scheme of things, I'd like to see you go back and tell Ceaser that he wasn't an adult because he didn't drive)

3. cars equal freedom (they're expensive, require insurance, run on an ever dwindling supply of fossil fuel, break down and are expensive to fix, dangerous, deadly when an idiot is behind the wheel. How exactly is that freedom? Freedom from my money is more like it.)

yes I currently live in an urban area which makes getting around without a car easier. But I have lived (and gotten around) in rural areas and have muscle tone in my legs to prove it.

[Jester]

For what it's worth, the unqualified statement that a grown man should be able to drive a car is sickeningly ableist. There are lots of physical disabilities and mental illnesses that can make driving impossible without making you 'less of a man'.

I'd got a step further and say that even a grown man who has no physical disabilities or mental illnesses may well be afraid to drive, and with good reason. See my comments above. Maneuvering a death trap at speed around other death traps is something we all should probably be more afraid of.

[Flying Grype]

I'm 32 and I don't drive yet. I never had to in any of the places I lived. Now I live with my fiance and he owns a car, and I'm seeing that it would be very useful if I could drive it occasionally.

I was anxious about it at first but riding a bike in the city with traffic (and obeying traffic laws, thank you very much) has increased my confidence in my ability to focus on everything. I'm going to take the test this spring.

For what it's worth, the unqualified statement that a grown man should be able to drive a car is sickeningly ableist. There are lots of physical disabilities and mental illnesses that can make driving impossible without making you 'less of a man'. Being afraid to drive for that long is more likely an anxiety disorder or something with a psychological basis that he needs to sort out. It's not 'cowardice' and it's not something that will be fixed by his 'manning up'. If he were to do that he'd likely end up being a dangerous driver.

Canadians should be watching Canada's Worst Driver on Discovery... every year they have at least one driver who has serious anxiety issues and who should no way in hell be behind the wheel of a car. But they got their licenses one way or another even though they can't focus enough to control the machine safely.

[telecom_goddess]

I am 45 now and have never had a license (other than a moped one briefly) or owned a car. I am the type that would much rather buy the ps3's and hdtv's than a car, I get way more use out of them .

I don't drive cause I"m scared to...I know I would suck at it. And other people scare me. And yeah it would be nice to not be looked down on because I don't have a license.