How upset about this should I be?

[Despina83]

This is about the same guy in my other threads here. Back in January a couple weeks after we started talking and he told me he really liked me, I saw that he posted on another girl's MySpace wall saying something like "You know how I've always felt about you, hun...I hope we can get back together and make it work this time..." I was completely devastated. I was in tears. I felt like dog shit. I KNOW we weren't dating and I had no claim over him, he was a free man. However, it hurt like hell that he was trying to get with a girl at the same time that he was trying to get with me. And that he was calling her hun like he did with me...I just felt like well how many girls are you saying this stuff to then? I was so happy that somebody finally liked me...and then suddenly I felt like, well I guess I'm nothing special to him after all. Just another chick.

I confronted him about it but at the time I didn't let him know exactly how upset I was about it. I just acted kind of annoyed. I told him that if we had been dating when he did that...it would have been over and done with. He apologized and left a rose for me at work (this was back when we worked at the same place).

Now here in April I'm suddenly starting to dwell on that day again...feeling depressed about it. I was chatting with him tonight on MySpace and brought it up, in a casual "hey remember that time I was mad because I thought you were a player? But of course now I know you're not...' sort of way. For some reason I felt like I had to get it off my chest and admit that I was more upset than I let on at the time, that I cried my eyes out. He doesn't really seem remorseful anymore or think it's a big deal...he was just like "well she was my first love so I'll always care about her...but you knew I liked you...you must have liked me a lot otherwise it wouldn't have hurt you so much..." Then he had to log off. And I still feel depressed about it and a little wary of him. I just wanted him to reassure me, maybe show some remorse for acting like a player...he already apologized for it back in January...but I guess I feel like it wasn't enough. We're not exactly dating...yet. But I don't want to seem like one of those jealous, nagging girlfriends that always has to drag old shit up and hold it over the guy. But I can't help but feel jealous about this girl...even though he deleted her from his MySpace because he said he only cared about me, not the girls in his past. I felt better after he gave me the rose and this older lady that worked with us at the store reassured me that he's "not at all a player like other guys, he's a gentlemen...the girl was just his old middle school girlfriend."

I don't know, it still hurts months later and I still feel like I want to have it out with him about this. Tonight was the first time I even mentioned it since January. But it's started eating at me for some reason.... I don't want to fight....but I feel like I really still want to drag it out more and talk about it.

[Aethian]

I think, it's time to dump his ass off your wall.

[Andara Bledin]

If I were to take a guess, I'd say that something inside you suspects he's completely what you thought he was back in January.

^-.-^

[r2cagle]

The only advice I have is: If you dwell on the past, it will taint the present and your future.

You have to decide if this bothers you enough and why. Is it because of your personality, self-esteem, beliefs, his behavior, or other little things. If you can figure out why this is still bothering you and why you can't feel that he is truly sorry, you won't know what direction to take. Or simpler version: Is it your baggage or his that is the problem?

I say this, because my hubby and I used to have epic fights and boy, can that man hold a grudge. He can't accept a heartfelt apology for it's face value and as a result is always ready to pounce on any and all slights, slinging up past wrongs and hurts (like I remember them, puhlease). It became easier when I realized it wasn't me that had the problem, it was issues dealing with his past and I couldn't fix them. Knowing that gave me freedom to tell him, "I love you, I'm sorry, this part will change and any problem you have after this is your problem". I have peace, we talk more than we fight now, and he knows I will not allow him to paint me with the same paintbrush as the people in his past. But I had to make sure our different personal issues did not taint our marriage, or we would've been divorced already.

You need to make a decision that is not based on your feelings. Write things down and try and determine the order of importance. Hopefully that will give you a clearer direction to take. In a way, it's good that you're questioning things now at this stage. Most people jump straight into relationships without asking the importants questions, or trying to understand the bigger picture. Then they get married and all of a sudden, they don't like the answers. So good for you.

[blas]

I'd just put it in the past and move on.

Karma works in mysterious ways. Many people will ditch a new interest they've met or started dating for another chance with an ex, and come to realize eventually that that was a big mistake. It's happened to me many times. Too bad they don't realize it until I've already met a guy who has found the value in me without questioning it

You will meet a guy who feels the same about you sooner than you think. There will be a guy (maybe even many!) who will want to get to know YOU and want to be with YOU without questioning "what if" about their exes or other girls.

Be patient. It will happen.

[Plaidman]

I'd just put it in the past and move on.

Karma works in mysterious ways. Many people will ditch a new interest they've met or started dating for another chance with an ex, and come to realize eventually that that was a big mistake. It's happened to me many times. Too bad they don't realize it until I've already met a guy who has found the value in me without questioning it

You will meet a guy who feels the same about you sooner than you think. There will be a guy (maybe even many!) who will want to get to know YOU and want to be with YOU without questioning "what if" about their exes or other girls.

Be patient. It will happen.

While I don't belive in Karma, does that same advice go for guys too?

[Andara Bledin]

While I don't belive in Karma, does that same advice go for guys too?

Don't worry, Karma believes in you.

And, yes, that advice can work for guys, just the same.

The only real relationship advice I give is this:
Be yourself.
Make changes only if you want to because changing for others usually ends badly.
Don't try too hard. Easier said than done, but have confidence in yourself. Self-confidence is attractive. Which is why so many people hit on you just after you've started a relationship with someone else.

^-.-^

[Plaidman]

Being myself hasn't work at all. Mostly because I'm such a negative willy nilly. Oh well. Back to drawing board. Err... books rather.