What To Make of This?

[Sableonblonde]

I've been seeing this guy for about three weeks now. Not a very long time, but I've known him for a couple of months on a friendly level before we got involved.

Since we've been seeing each other, we've hung out every weekend. I assumed this weekend would be the same. We hung out for a short while on Thursday evening, and although we didn't make plans, he knew where I would be Friday night (because it's the same place I always go on Friday nights...and him too usually). I called him to ask if he was going to come out, but got no answer so I left a message. But then he never got back to me I was really bummed out, and it kind of ruined my night.

Much later on, right before I was getting ready to leave, he showed up. I asked him if he got my message, and he said no, he had his phone off all night. He said one of his buddies tends to keep on calling and harrassing him whenever he gets drunk, and so he just shut off his phone to keep from dealing with that.

But I was really hurt because if he shut his phone off that meant he wasn't at all concerned about the possibility of ME contacting him. I figured maybe it was all just BS, and he was possibly on a date. But then he actually took his phone out and showed me his call log and all the missed calls he got from the particular friend, as if offering proof. Then after just two minutes or so, he said he was tired and going to go home. I asked if he wanted me to come over, and he said no.

I'm really confused about the whole thing, because it seems to me like I just got blown off, but then why would he come to where he knew I would be, bother to say hello to me and then leave? I would have thought he was looking for a booty call, but he didn't want me to come over, so that isn't it.

We didn't have plans to hang out...so it's not like he stood me up or blew me off...I just had assumed he'd want to see me and I guess it hurt my pride. I didn't want to say anything to him about it though because it's not like we're a couple, we're just at the "seeing each other" stage and it seems far too early for any kind of serious talk. I guess I just want to know what others make of this situation...do you think I'm over-reacting or do you think he is trying to make it clear to be that he's blowing me off?

[Jester]

It is impossible to know what he is doing.

But I do think you are over-reacting.

Don't assume. Don't presume. Don't over-analyze.

As you yourself said, you are only at the "seeing each other" stage. You had no plans, and it seems you guys are enjoying each other's company on a casual level. So...enjoy it. And don't stress about little bumps in the road like this.

Look, maybe he was tired, maybe he was blowing you off. But for the moment, you don't know. So don't let it bother you. Whatever happens, happens. Your worrying about it and stressing over it is not going to change how he feels or what he does. So relax, get it out of your system, and enjoy your weekend. If he wants to come enjoy it with you, bonus. If not, his loss.

But, to quote John Cusack, "You must chill!"

[MaggieTheCat]

I pretty much agree with Jester. I'll just add this. You guys are in the "new relationship" stage in which you're excited to see each other and basically infatuated with each other (at least, that's how I'm gathering you're feeling.) But, keep in mind that everyone who is in a relationship needs their own space and their own time. Maybe he just wanted some alone time. You've seen each other every weekend for the last several weekends, maybe he just need some time to himself, or with his other buddies, or whatever he was doing. It's not necessarily anything against you, or that he doesn't want to see you anymore.

[Flying Grype]

If you didn't make plans, there were no plans. You both need to spend time with other friends. I would feel horribly smothered if I had someone trying to insert themselves into all of my free time. Live your life away from him, and let him do the same.

Also, YES, some people turn off their celphones. I think it's a healthy thing to be able to do. Neither of you should feel obligated to always be available whenever the other one wants.

[elsporko]

The way I see it he may not have felt like going out that night for whatever reason but still made the effort in order to see you. You should be flattered.