Always Depressing To Read

[TelephoneAngel]

My boyfriend has his own forum on the internet and he has a problem with a member which is getting worse but he doesn't know what to do.What would you do?

This member writes a lot about how ill she is (I don't know if it is true) which is not a problem in itself except that she manages to make depressing reading out of any thread anyone posts.

For example he has shown me this morning that someone posted a thread about how the weather has changed in the past few days, its sunny now and they went to the park with their children.Several other posters then added to the thread saying they also got out, some did some gardening, some were happy to see blue skies for a change, etc.

Then this woman added "it doesn't matter to me, I am going to die soon".

This has been going on for at least two years.

And yet she has doen nothing wrong to be banned, but boyfriend is fed up with it.

[Plaidman]

It's delicate.

On one hand, she may just be lying for attention. It isn't above some. In that case, I'd say keep copies of everything she posts. Hell if he wants, I'll do it for him. Find holes in her stories. Post it. For example, maybe one post she says she has tumors in her head and she's dying from that, where like five months earlier, she claims its tumor in her heart that is killing her. Find enough holes, they sometimes go away.


However, she may be telling the truth. In which case, I'd say let her know gently, but firmly, that that board is NOT a mental board. No-one can do anything to mentally help her, nor are they doctors. Banning her may put her over the edge, and morally ... I'd be hard press to do it.

But let her know. Talk to her. Let her know that alot of people feel for her, but its getting too much to deal with.

Really only thing you can do.

[Dips]

Your brother has to look at it this way. It's *his* forum. Like his home, it's his property. Posters are guests that he's invited to come in. And like guests in his home, he has the right to uninvite them at any time and for any reason.

If she's destroying the mood of the party he can kick her out without a reason. Think of those signs some businesses have that say "We reserve the right to refuse service."

My advice to your brother if he doesn't want to ban her is this:

Put her on moderation and when she posts something horribly depressing don't approve it. But do send her a personal message suggesting she get professional help coping with her illness.

If she tries to engage, explain that you are not qualified to provide the help she needs and suggest again that she talk to a professional.

If she threatens to harm herself or someone else and you know where she is, call her local police and let them know. Why? Because the police are qualified to handle that and you are not.

The beauty of this approach is that you are referring her to where she can get help if she's in genuine need but you are not letting her get away with manipulating you if she's playing games.

Hope that helps.

[Andara Bledin]

Everything Dips said.

Plus, if she does make a threat to kill herself, it gets reported, and she's just trying to get attention, they'll let her know it's not an acceptable option. But if she really does need help, she will likely get some.

^-.-^

[Exaspera]

She's been dying for 2 years?

[Plaidman]

She's been dying for 2 years?

Depends on the deisease. My little cousin was dying for 5 years before she finally did die.

Granted, sometimes it looked like she was going to make it, but just get worst.

There is stuff out there without any cure. Once you get it, its only a matter of time. Which can be for years.

Not saying she's telling the truth, but it is possible to be dying for two years.

[Exaspera]

Depends on the deisease. My little cousin was dying for 5 years before she finally did die.

Granted, sometimes it looked like she was going to make it, but just get worst.

There is stuff out there without any cure. Once you get it, its only a matter of time. Which can be for years.

Not saying she's telling the truth, but it is possible to be dying for two years.

I guess I could have been a little more clear. Posting depressing things for 2 years about her dying just sounds fishy to me. But I am a cynic.

I am so sorry about your cousin.

[Plaidman]

I am so sorry about your cousin.

I'm a cynic myself. But I've been depress my whole life. I know how hard it is.


Thanks though. I had a thread here about her. Lot of people sent their sorries. It was pretty nice.

[Rapscallion]

An alternative to moderation is to make a big deal out of every thread she does this in.

Poster A: Sun's out!

Poster De'ath: I'm going to die soon, what does it matter?

Poster Mod: Well, that's killed this thread!

Do it every single damned time. Stalk her around the board. Quote her. Call her on it. Make sure everyone knows her issue is affecting more than herself, and more importantly make sure she knows it. It's not the sort of attention she wants.

Rapscallion

[elsporko]

If she's trolling then she will love that. I would say give her a warning to only talk about the disease if its on topic. If it isn't then she should be moderated for being off topic. If she doesn't like it then that's too bad but she has the power to make her own forum.

[TelephoneAngel]

Boyfriend has read your replies and thanks you for them, he is going to try some of them, but doesn't want to be too horrible to her.He particularly thinks that Rapscallion has a sound idea, we will see what happens.

[Rapscallion]

It's a tough love solution. May not work. I can't guarantee that it will work, since I can't see the situation. However, it makes sure that everyone knows who's doing it.

Rapscallion

[TelephoneAngel]

she is well over the top now appears to have every disease known to man (she posted a list) and it isnt possible.Every post starts well i've been very sick today and im dying and .........If someone says they had something eg appendicitis, oh yes she has that too, on top of everything else, no wonder she feels so AWFUL......

Someone asked her if she had had "paraphernaliaitis in the ear, because that can make you feel very sick" She hasn't replied yet, lol.

Boyfriend tried saying something but she switched to posting in the middle of the night so nobody can catch her. *sigh* There's always one.And he's had pms from other members who are frankly sick of it now.

[Rapscallion]

How valuable is she to the community? How many people would miss her if she were summarily banned?

Worth considering.

Rapscallion