The "Right" Size?

[phantasy]

OK, I'm going to rant about my weight, industry standards and my hatred of pretty people. I know, I suck.

As some of you know, I live in Peru. And I'm pretty sure that I'm size 16-ish and weigh 75-ish kilos, or 165-ish pounds. I haven't been able to weigh myself correctly. I'm about 5'5", or 165 cm.

I mention I'm in Peru becuase the sizes are so small here. I go to the store because I want jeans, and the sales rep looks me up and down, scrunches her nose and says "I don't think we have anything in your size..."
And they're not lying. To find something in my size, I look for anything between 40-44. And very few brands carry that size here.

Women are so unexplicably thin too! To be in any part of entertainment here , women need to have super-tiny waists, HUGE boobs and HUGE butt. Of course, they have impants in both their boobs and butt, but somehow manage to stay so thin. They're also very short. Everyone here is short, and if you see someone that is tall, it's said that they're probably of European descent.

So I do some research online, and I notice that women are saying that the average size is 10-14. Then I see things like "models should be size 0 and anything above that is just grossly overweight".

In my mind, I would be dead if I tried to get to a size 0

So, after this huge post, my problem is THIS:

I look in the mirror and I think I look fine. I look at a think girl in the street, and think "I'm not that far from looking like her". In my mind, I am not that big.

But when I look at the numbers, I think "oh my gawd, how could I let myself become this big?" especially when my coworkers like to give me clothes, their reason being "this is WAAAY too big for me, seeing as I'm a size 5, but it should be perfect for you!" Extra bonus points if they ask me to try it on in the bathroom, and excitedly ask "How does it fit??" and I can't even pull said clothing up past my thighs...

Thanks to whoever has actually read this far.

[Magpie]

If you're worried about the numbers, remember that they're a lie. I'm about 70 kg, 167 cm (so not that far off from you). I am a size 16. However, when I buy clothes off the rack they will be anything from a 6 to a 12. Even at Mark's, which used to be good and carry clothing according to measurements, instead of according to sizes. (They sit both at the 6 and the 12 end of the range, although the 12 is a bit big for me there). Even my wedding dress, which was in the same line with some of the $600 dresses (even though mine was inexpensive), was a complete lie in the size. I had honestly expected that if I was paying a lot of money I'd get a nicer size. (Yes, I can be stupid like that).

If you're wearing 40-44 then you're actually skinnier than me, so please remember that these numbers need to be adjusted. (I'm assuming those are standard metric sizes, or have they started to adjust the metric sizes too down there?)

Yes, you are technically slightly overweight. Except that, given that you're skinnier than I am, you're probably more muscular. At which point the BMI stops meaning as much. So don't worry. When you start to feel bad about how you look, stop and look at the other women. How would you feel if you were that shape? Yes, I know that we should love our body no matter what shape it is, but damn, if I lost my muscles I'd feel a lot less nice. Enjoy what you've got.

Same thing for being "tall". Yes, you stand out if you're not short. But bear in mind that in an absolute sense you ARE short. You're short-average for a woman, but short for the general population. Take advantage of being taller than average for as long as you're in Peru. This is YOUR chance to be tall. If you feel self-conscious about being tall, pretend you're Masai. It's a little harder to keep up when you look in a mirror, but that's the bearing you want. FLAUNT being tall.

[phantasy]

The strange thing is that If I go to buy a shirt in the U.S. I'll be a medium. If I buy here, I'll be an X-L.

This kinda makes me realize that I need to go remeasure myself lol. These measurements were from the last time I went to a doctor (two years ago??)

I would be ok if I were in the U.S. where my size is pretty much standard. But I'm not OK when I can't find clothes and must ask for custom-fit clothes in a country where plus sizes don't exist

[BookstoreEscapee]

Women's sizes are pretty much arbitrary. And since the majority of the population where you are is smaller, they're likely to scale down the sizes they sell there, which would explain why you can wear a medium in the US and a large in Peru.

I work in the office of a warehouse and most of the warehouse staff is Hispanic. I feel tall when I go out there (even around some of the men) and I'm only 5'4".

[Magpie]

Ah, so this frustration isn't just "I hate how I look" it's "I can't find any clothes". I hear you. Due to some shape differences, while I can find clothes here, they tend to look like crap on me. I suggest learning how to sew, and finding easy-to-sew styles that you like. (Part of learning to sew is also alterations, so the patterns will always fit you.) You don't want to have to do all your wardrobe, but it means that the mail-order mistakes (you meant you wanted a 16? Sorry, that looked like 22, no returns) won't bother you as much.

[Solumina]

I can feel your pain, while it isn't the exact same problem I have a really disproportionate figure so nothing fits without alterations, and while getting one thing altered is cheap it really adds up when it is quite literally half of my wardrobe. I'm lucky enough to have a friend who works in costuming so when she has free time she will alter stuff for baked goods (which I usually have in abundance) but still there is only so much time in the day and I still end up having to get some stuff altered by a professional. I did find out that just about everything from Banana Republic fits like a glove, so I always hit them up whenever they have a particularly good sale but still their stuff isn’t cheap so I only have a couple of pieces.

[Thuringwethyl]

I think clothing designers make clothes for one particular female shape and let the rest go hang. I'm 5'8" and 135 lbs but I have a horrible time finding anything that fits my body (mid-to-broad shouldered, a/b cups (depending on brand), high-waisted, and hippy). I'm in good shape but you can't tell because hardly anything fits right!

You sound like you're at a healthy size -- don't let clothing people or those with different genetics and surgical assistance get you down.

[Jester]

I look in the mirror and I think I look fine. I look at a think girl in the street, and think "I'm not that far from looking like her". In my mind, I am not that big.

But when I look at the numbers, I think "oh my gawd, how could I let myself become this big?"

Question 1: Are you healthy, according to your doctor? If no, then that should be a concern. If yes, then ask yourself the next question.

Question 2: Do you like the way you look? By your own words, the answer is yes.

If there are no health concerns and you are happy with how you look, stop stressing. Other people think you're big? Fuck 'em. The fashion industry has unrealistic standards? Fuck them too. You're not a fashion model by profession, so they can go hang for all that it matters to you. If you are happy and healthy at the size you are at, forget what "society" says and just enjoy your life. And the people who tell you otherwise? Fuck 'em all.

"But Jester, what about finding clothes that fit me in this anorexic pygmy society I live in?"

Darlin', we live in the computer age. While buying clothing online is not optimal, it is a realistic alternative. Just make sure you don't buy from any website that will not take returns if their products don't fit you. Also, make a point of finding shops in Peru that DO carry larger sizes. There may not be many of them, but I am sure they exist.

So I do some research online, and I notice that women are saying that the average size is 10-14. Then I see things like "models should be size 0 and anything above that is just grossly overweight".

On point #1, by your own comments, you are only slightly above the average size. So what's the problem? Seriously, the average is there because it is the average, meaning people are both smaller and larger than it. You're right near the average. It's not like you are twice the size of the average.

On point #2, two things. First, the fashion industry has always had ridiculously unrealistic standards for their models. This is nothing new. Don't let it get to you. However, I don't know where you got the "size 0" stuff, but unless we are talking about a different sizing scale than the one in use in the U.S. (since you are in Peru, certainly a possibility), this can't be right.

I know what you're thinking. "How the hell can Jester know diddle about women's sizes?" In general, I don't. However, I know what a size 0 looks like, as my little sister IS a size 0. Lil Sis is 4'11 and about a hundred pounds. Now, while you can still be a size zero if you're a bit taller and thinner (proportionately) than that, the fashion industry generally wants their models TALL. As in 5'10 and up. And there is no woman that is 5'10 or more that is a size 0. It simply doesn't work, due to the fact that they are too damn tall for that size.

In any case, back to my original point: If you are happy and healthy, to hell with what other people think. And if any of them give you shit about it, tell them to go piss up a rope.

[phantasy]

I'm using the U.S. system (however I do prefer to say "I weigh 75 kilos" rather than to say "I weigh 170 pounds" lol)

Jester, I know that a size 0 sounds completely disgusting. I tend to find articles like this...http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/ar...s-catwalk.html
If "size 0 models" is googled, pictures of grossly think girls pops up, but they still dont look like size 0 to me. But that's probably because I can't see size differences very well. I still feel as if I were thinner, but as I said, the numbers kinda show me otherwise.

Anyway, Ill head to my doctor soon. Peru has really awful healthcare and what seems to be primitive ideas about health, so this should be a fun little escapade with me yelling at some doctors.

I cant order things online unless it's from a peruvian site. Peruvian mailing customs really suck, everything get's stoed at the post office, and they bribe you to release the package. Usually it's more than what you paid for the damn package itself. There is also 1 pus-sized store here in Peru. It's called "American ++ Sizes" no kidding. It just had to be american lol.

Thank you guys, I feel a lot better. I shall go create my own abundance of baked goods now

[AdminAssistant]

My friend had the same problem when she was in Russia. Since she was an American, they automatically assumed that she wore the biggest sizes available, even though she was only a 12-14 American.

[tropicsgoddess]

If you're worried about the numbers, remember that they're a lie.

Yep, I'm 180lbs and 5'7" (don't know the metric conversion for that...I'm not a math person). I can wear a size 15 or 17 juniors pants, 12/13 dress size but sometimes depending on how the clothes were made I might have to go one size up or down. In South Florida there's quite a bit of stores that have the cute outfits from Brazil, but I can't shop there anymore (I used to be a size 5..and 115lbs until I gained weight after moving out of my parents' house) since the clothes are made waaay to small and never have my size. Screw the numbers and screw those pencil thin heroin addict looking chicks. Curves are better.

[ArcticChicken]

One of my idle fantasies is to start a fashion line for "weird" sized people, like me.

I can either have a shirt that fits me around the waist or around the boobs. As for pants, I am eternally grateful that Lane Bryant started selling pants for specific body shapes, now I can get ones that fit over my butt but still cinch tight enough at my waist.

[Magpie]

I want to start a line of women's clothing that is sold based on the bust-waist-hip measurements. It still wouldn't fit me, but it would deal with the fact that I'm a 12 on top and a 14 on the bottom (or so I've been told... I still come out as 14/16 when I do the measurements). It would also get rid of these stupid arbitrary numbers. You order by your measurements. (While I technically know HOW a 36 inch bust measurement becomes a size 16, it's still crazy. And no, imperial sizes aren't like metric ones, they were never divided by 2, it started as a size 36, not as an 18).

[BookstoreEscapee]

I lost some weight recently (from being sick a couple months ago - somehow haven't gained it back), and all my pants were too big. I bought a new pair of jeans one size down, and they fit perfectly. A couple weeks ago I went and bought two more pairs, same size, different washes. They fit fine in the fitting room, but after I washed them they don't fit quite the same (slightly tighter, but not so much that I can't wear them). (They don't fit the same as each other, either.) But the first pair still fits just like they did when I first tried them on.

[AccountingDrone]

I cant order things online unless it's from a peruvian site. Peruvian mailing customs really suck, everything get's stoed at the post office, and they bribe you to release the package. Usually it's more than what you paid for the damn package itself. There is also 1 pus-sized store here in Peru. It's called "American ++ Sizes" no kidding. It just had to be american lol.

Thank you guys, I feel a lot better. I shall go create my own abundance of baked goods now

Dumb question, is it all packages that get stopped or just commercial packages?

I'm wondering if you could order something and have it delivered to a US friend, and whomever open it, repackage it as 'something I outgrew and thought you could use' and send it on?