How to Date: A guide for the romantically clueless

[Whiskey]

Your point is someone at some point might get hurt eventually because jealousy happens.

My point is that is life and will happen in every romantic situation, not just casual ones.

Everybody is cool. Not just casual sex or even friends with benifits, you are officallly the girlfriend of Bob, Jim, Alex, and Jason. You may not be excusive, but your their girlfriend. Same with Bob being offical boyfriend of Alice, Jane, Sara and Rachael.

Thats polyamory and a totally different thing.

[Plaidman]

True, but in the OP' case, that is what's happening, and what I really meant when I was talking about dating mulitple people and have sex with only some.

He's dating two guys at once. Just trying to help him be careful.

[Whiskey]

True, but in the OP' case, that is what's happening, and what I really meant when I was talking about dating mulitple people and have sex with only some.

He's dating two guys at once. Just trying to help him be careful.

The solution is apparently a threesome. Post a trip report OP.

[trailerparkmedic]

The solution is apparently a threesome. Post a trip report OP.

Agreed!

Seriously, I don't think dating more than 1 person at a time is wrong, as long as everyone involved knows what's going on, or at the very least, you make it clear that you are not exclusive. I don't think it would be unexpected if you've only been on a few dates.

My only real dating advice is to be honest. Don't string people along. Don't act like someone you're not. Don't sleep with someone unless you want to.

[Whiskey]

My only real dating advice is to be honest. Don't string people along. Don't act like someone you're not. Don't sleep with someone unless you want to.

This is the best advice to follow and what I was trying to get at.

[Seshat]

Firstly: yes, I was saying that the book has useful general advice.

Secondly: the book does cover such situations as Plaid was describing, along with many others.

Thirdly: I think that there are two things that help someone handle these situations maturely. Rigorous self-honesty, and acceptance that one is responsible for one's own emotional well-being.

I'm not saying that if Joe goes ahead and hurts you, you just forgive him because hey, you're responsible for your own emotional well-being.
I'm also not saying you can go ahead and deliberately snub Bill because he's responsible for his own emotional well-being.

What I AM saying is that if you're feeling jealous of Joe, or angry at Bill, it's your responsibility to tackle it. Joe and Bill won't just magically know. You have to recognise your jealousy or anger (rigorous self-honesty), then go to whoever in the group can help you fix the situation that's causing it, and discuss it with them (self-responsibility).

[Antisocial_Worker]

The situation that I find myself in is interesting... I met both these guys on a site where men basically pick up other men, and so I went into it casually with them and they with me. When you go into something casual, you go into it not wearing your dating mask and costume. I realized this after both of them asked me out. They saw me at my rawest and still saw something there they liked enough to explore further.

And so here I am. I've never faced this situation before because I've so rarely dated anybody who actually lives near me. Before I always had the internet as a security blanket to keep people at arm's length. That way if they drifted away, and they always did, I was still untouched and safe. That way also, if it ever did get to the point of someone visiting someone else, at least that person would be going away at some point and that kept me safe too. It also enabled me to travel the nation in search of love. I've been to Little Rock and Hot Springs, Arkansas; St. Petersburg, Florida; and Detroit in search of "the one." Thought I'd found him in Florida. Was completely and totally wrong...

But what about me here with these two guys now? I entered into the adult world of dating completely stunted because I come from a background where homosexuality is not tolerated, let alone encouraged. Thus, I never got to go through the pitfalls and pratfalls that normal teenagers go through and get out of their system. I don't know how many dates you go on with someone before you're considered exclusive or serious.

What I do know is that I and one of these guys have been out several times already, and we're going to get together this Saturday for a nice heart-to-heart. He's aware of some of the insecurity I feel about anything between us, mainly because I think he's way out of my league and I worry that he'll be moving on after he puts in a year of employment here. I know too that I and the other guy will be going out on Friday for our first date, and we'll see what happens with that.

[Seshat]

We're trying to say that noone knows how many dates it is before you're serious. There's no fixed number, no fixed anything. It's all fumbling in the dark. So to speak.

However, I would recommend it being a couple of months between first date and 'we could be really serious about this'. No less than six months, preferably a year, before deciding on permanency.

[ArcticChicken]

The solution is apparently a threesome. Post a trip report OP.

Ooh, yes, pics please. *puppy dog eyes*

My only real dating advice is to be honest. Don't string people along. Don't act like someone you're not. Don't sleep with someone unless you want to.

QFT.

I don't know how many dates you go on with someone before you're considered exclusive or serious.

When you decide to be. This isn't a contract, it's a date, you're not obligated to do anything.


Honestly, I think your biggest problem is that you are trying to hard to find something permanent, to find "The One."

If you go into a relationship expecting this guy to be perfect, then you are just setting yourself up for disappointment. When he does something you don't like, or you find a place where your personalities conflict, then it's going to seem like the end of the world.

If, on the other hand, you go into a relationship expecting to have fun and get to know someone, when you find that spot it's just something to be worked through, if you can, and if you can't you aren't totally broken up when he turns out not to be the person you've built up in your head.

[Whiskey]

Everyone in this thread is wrong. Its in the Relationship Contractual Obligation form you foot stamp at birth. Three dates and third base, you're exclusive. Four dates and second base, you're engaged.

edit: have sex with everyone.


edit II: and then get exclusive with someones sister.

[Peppergirl]

I wasn't ready for a relationship (despite being involved in a few) until I had all the miscellaneous screwing out of my system.

Go screw. Screw and be happy.

This. This is where I've been for well over a year. Most days I'm cool with it, but some days I wonder if I'll ever be ready for more.

I take it day-by-day. Which is fine for some people, but I can understand that it's not cool for alot of people.

[Whiskey]

This. This is where I've been for well over a year. Most days I'm cool with it, but some days I wonder if I'll ever be ready for more.

I take it day-by-day. Which is fine for some people, but I can understand that it's not cool for alot of people.

Those people don't get laid enough, thats why.

Serious post: I wondered the same thing, it comes eventually. Enjoy the drama while it lasts, its delicious.

[Plaidman]

So Whisky.... wanna get together for a couple of dates XD.


Nah. You'd run in fear. -_-.

[Peppergirl]

Those people don't get laid enough, thats why.

Serious post: I wondered the same thing, it comes eventually. Enjoy the drama while it lasts, its delicious.

The funny part is, I have had almost ZERO drama with FWB's - as opposed to MUCH drama in relationships.

I did have one of mine get attached (I ended it) and the other started to (he moved, problem solved) - but even still, that's MUCH preferable to relationship drama. At least the ones *I've* been involved in.

[Plaidman]

So Peppergirl... how YOU doing