I'm not even worth it.

[Plaidman]

WHAAAAAAAAAAA?

I love your art.

And I've said your pretty and cute and would totally date you if we lived closer to each other. So you can't say you never been called cute. I did call you a freak before, but that's because we're both freaks together.

[RetailWorkhorse]

*SNUGS and PUPPY-PONY KISSES*

[Register9]

Take up something extreme and watch your depression become excitement. Base jumping ftw.

[BookstoreEscapee]

Your friend sounds less than understanding for someone who wants to be a counselor herself.

Because I have a horrible urge to give advice: Have you tried writing a letter for your parents? Can your counsellor give you a letter of some kind (there might be a pre-prepared one) which explains why parents should come?

I was going to suggest the same thing. Ask your therapist to help you write something.

[Der Cute]

Hey Squeaky...

I'm sorry, I forgot to post my advice over here. Hehe.

It really really sounds like depression on your side. And since you're venting/writing it out for us, I think you're at the point (or damn close) to wanting to work on it.
(people usually don't reach out when hurt/damaged/upset UNLESS they're wanting help. IMHO.)

So, here's my tips:

Please, go get some Vitamin D (if you don't live in the SW or SE area.)
Please go get some B-mix Vitamins.
Please go get some Omega -mix fatty acid pills.
Please go to your gen doctor and ask about psych referrals.

3rd vote for writing letter to parents for help.
Be brisk with it:

Hey parents. I love you and am asking for help in the best way I can.
I really think I need counseling by a professional, because I'm XYZ at work and JKL at home. It's starting to gnaw into my life and make a difference - one for the worse. (when quality of life is f-d up, that's when you treat it - me)

Something else, add more tips about how long you've been feeling, how you are feeling overall, and how much their help means to you.


Then, leave it out for them and give them at least 3 days to chew on it and work themselves on it. While that's happening, go get a journal/notebook and start writing your shit out. ALL OF IT. Everything running thru your head. Make a 20min spot in the day and sit and just start scribbling. Don't edit, just flow.

Do the doggy-talk walk too. Exercise plus talk = better you.

I think you'll be better soon, with the effort you're putting in here, writing your posts out for the issues.

But please, start the OTC stuff, it MIGHT help within a few days/week. Most people have a Vit D deficiency, along with Omega3/6/9 (no fish/ no fatty fish) and I know that Vit B-6 and B12 are great for people who have mood disorders.

I think you're on the right path. Just don't expect a quick fix, this is a decent sized project.

Cutenoob

[Mishi]

Adding to Cutenoob's advice - Something that my dad, my best friend and I have noticed, so it's only anecdotal advice, drink slightly more water than usual (unless you're already drinking heaps) when you're taking B vitamins. They are water-soluble and even though it flushes them out of your system, it will make sure that you don't feel like you have a UTI or increase the frequency of bathroom breaks while you're taking them. They do still seem to make a difference even with the little extra bit of fluid intake.

[smileyeagle1021]

Okay, I'm going to say some things that may or may not be offensive to some... you have been warned.
I'll be blunt, I do know what pain you are going through, depression runs in my family, I've gone through it myself. That said, don't EVER talk about not wanting to live. Get that thought out of your mind immediately.
Yes, it is a difficult thought to put aside, yes, I know it is incredibly tempting (I've had those thoughts before myself).
Before you go down that line of thought though, remember, you are a picture in at least one person's wallet. There is at least one person who truly cares about you, most likely there are more people than you know.
I've seen what suicide does. My father killed himself when I was 5. I was raised by my mother who had to work two jobs to make ends meet, with one exception no one on my father's side of the family is willing to talk to my side of the family, wounds too deep. His father chain smoked himself to death because of it.
Unless you are the most selfish person on the planet, don't punish those around you. Remember, peope care and all you will do is hurt them.

[Plaidman]

Before you go down that line of thought though, remember, you are a picture in at least one person's wallet. There is at least one person who truly cares about you, most likely there are more people than you know.
Unless you are the most selfish person on the planet, don't punish those around you. Remember, peope care and all you will do is hurt them.

This is true.

My own thought process on it is that yeah, it'll hurt a few people NOW, but eventally they will move on. They can heal.

I'd rather have that, then deal with my misery that can and very likely will last my entire life, and even seeing the incredible disappointment and even hatred in some of my family look as I prove over and over again what a waste of humanity, and wasting resources that anyone else in the entire world could put to far better use. Is it fair that I must suffer my whole life with problems that will never go away no matter what I do, because some people love to see the misery?

I know it's just negative and paronia thoughts, but they do slam through my head on a rather daily basis.

[smileyeagle1021]

My own thought process on it is that yeah, it'll hurt a few people NOW, but eventally they will move on. They can heal.

Can they?
If you feel that you cannot heal, why assume that everyone else can heal?
Never underestimate your importance, you may never make it into the history books, but those people who have done the most almost never do.

[Plaidman]

Can they?
If you feel that you cannot heal, why assume that everyone else can heal?
Never underestimate your importance, you may never make it into the history books, but those people who have done the most almost never do.

Simple. I know my family. I do live with them. I have live with them. No tears will be shed at my funeral.

[Magpie]

Plaid, I need to call you out on this. It hurts when a friend commits suicide.

A friend committed suicide in February. He was convinced that his family wouldn't miss him. They made the 12-hour drive down here for the memorial service, so that his friend could attend. We packed the on-campus hall. It was one of the largest crowds I've been in since orientation week. There was a second memorial service a week later, in his home town, since the people in his family who couldn't make the drive wanted to be able to make it.

[house] was once a place of joy and
happiness. It still is, in memory, but the tragedy has become
overwhelming. In the end, it feels less like we left, and more like we
almost fled from it. I didn't run the vacuum, but I did do the dishes.
So I guess that's something.

He was convinced that none of his friends would miss him for long. This is from one of his housemates. We know how he felt about this, because he would come out with statements like that randomly in conversation. Yes, it was annoying (and sometimes felt like he was trying to rub his illness in our faces for the express purpose of making things awkward), but I'd give a lot to have him back, making statements like that again.

I am only just starting to feel sad. Up until a few weeks ago I was too busy being angry with him. Yes, I know he was ill for years, and he did do his best to fight it. (He made it more than ten years with depression, he went through three or four kinds of therapy, including ECT which had him terrified). Doesn't stop us from being annoyed with him for it.

Remember - if you're suffering depression you are ILL. Specifically, you are ill in a way that affects your ability to think rationally about yourself. So no matter how sound you think that your evaluation of your friends' and family's feelings about you are, you're missing something.

I'll post more, but keyboards don't like salt much, so it'll be later.

[trailerparkmedic]

Plaid, you've got health insurance.

So when are you going to see someone about your depression?

[Plaidman]

Plaid, you've got health insurance.

So when are you going to see someone about your depression?

What makes you think I'm not? Even they have no idea what's wrong with me other then MAJOR RECURRENT DEPRESSION,
IMPULSE CONTROL DISORDER and ORGANIC MOOD DISORDER (Along with various vitimin deficency)



As for not knowing the whole picture? Again. I KNOW my family. I know what they think and how to they feel. I am not saying that they wouldn't be hurt, but it wouldn't be a years deal, maybe a year or two tops and then they'll move on. They all have an incredble strength of character to let stuff go and move on. (I never got that trait).

I am sorry that it still hurts you, and I know suicide can hurt and destroy other people lives. Like all things, it's not a 100 % thing though, and what will hurt and destroy one family, will not affect another family as much.


In anycase, they're just thoughts and not active actions, so I'm mostly a gluttion for sickening self punishment, or still have tiny amount of hope that something good SHOULD happen to me very soon, though I highly doubt.

[ArcticChicken]

Plaid...how do I put this....you're being an idiot. If I lived nearby I would come over there and slap you.

You have family on this board, and they'd cry their goddamn eyes out if you killed yourself. You're depressed, I get that, so am I, and I know how bleak and awful life can seem, but don't you DARE believe for a second that there aren't people who would be devastated if you died.

[trailerparkmedic]

What makes you think I'm not?

Aside from your talk of suicide and the numerous times you have stated that you feel worthless? I think that whatever treatment you are using is not working for you.

Even they have no idea what's wrong with me other then MAJOR RECURRENT DEPRESSION, IMPULSE CONTROL DISORDER and ORGANIC MOOD DISORDER

And those aren't treatable medical diagnoses?

Plaid, believe it or not, you are important to many people on this board, myself included. You need to get help just as much as the OP and everyone else who has posted depression threads. Yes, you have a lot to be pissed about in your life and your history but that doesn't mean it is healthy to think about killing yourself.