Battle of Depression.

[Plaidman]

So. How do people do it.

I hear "Oh you just gotta go hang out with friends!"

Or "Go spend stuff on yourself!"

Or my personal favorite, "Just don't be depressed! DUH!"


Depression isn't that easy. If I could flip a goddamn switch, I would.

I'm trying hard to think of positive things about me, but when your also reminded as to why you suck everyday, it's not so easy.

The biggest problem in my life, other then lovelife of course, is my hip. It hurts. CONSTANTLY. Even when I'm swallowing perceopt, or morphine, or numerous ibrprofun with it, it just doesn't work and can sometimes dull it. As such, I'm rather cranky alot of times.

Portland Oregon was declared USA most depressed people again. Yippe. Unemployment is one of the highest in the country, along with suicide rates.

So, really, I can't walk much if at all anywhere. I don't have money to buy stuff. My ficitional writing has been declared as sucky from numerous people. The only real exersise I have lately is sword practice which is hard to do with hip, and juggling. That and numerous readings of my various medical books. That and sleep. I sleep every chance I get because it won't last long. I haven't gotten much six or eight hour straight sleep for a long time. Hell, I only slept as long as I did recently was with some massive sleeping pills, but that pain always wakes me.


I'm proud of all those people here that have that magical ability to just snap in their head to not be depress, and it works overnight. The last person I was close with told me to figure it out myself. (...yeah. Real nice of her).

So what do you people that had depression do to fix it?

[BookstoreEscapee]

"Just don't be depressed."

Ha.

I haven't quite figured it out myself, Plaid. I'll admit I don't have it as bad as others, and I'm grateful for that, but I don't know how to just "fix it".... I try to take care of myself, trying to eat better, be more active, but it's a struggle.

Do you see any kind of pain specialist for your hip? Chronic pain can be a big factor. A lot of doctors don't really know how to deal with it, and may simply overmedicate; or undermedicate because they're worried about the patient becoming addicted.

[Thuringwethyl]

So. How do people do it.

Or my personal favorite, "Just don't be depressed! DUH!"


Depression isn't that easy. If I could flip a goddamn switch, I would.

People who say that obviously have never experienced depression, otherwise they wouldn't say such an assinine thing. It takes time to crawl out of the downward spiral and every step is against the current. What helps for me (and my entire family has it so we all cope in different ways) is to make sure I use positive words when I'm describing myself, even in my thoughts.

Like instead of thinking "Oh my god how could I be so stupid?" if I misplace something switching to "Oh my god I'm so absentminded!". Words have power and, for me, if I think something often enough I will believe it. Hence less derogatory self-references. This may or may not work for you, though.

If depression was easily cured it wouldn't be around anymore but that's hardly the case, isn't it?

[Plaidman]

People who say that obviously have never experienced depression, otherwise they wouldn't say such an assinine thing.

I agree on that it isn't an easy path. But the people I know that say that, did have depression. (or so they claim). But then they heard some advice from someone way across the country, and that day they were magically better and happier. Of course they were unwilling to tell me what advice it was, other then "you just gotta figure it out and you'll be happy".


Some people battle it easier then others. It just seems mine is getting worst and worst every day, and I'm turning into even worst hateful creep then I was before.

[Exaspera]

IMHO your depression is compounded by the chronic pain you have.

[Imprl59]

Depression often has a medical side to it. It may very well be that you can't get over it without help. Have you talked to your doctor about it? It could be a reaction to some of the medication you are on and they can give you something to counteract it.

Really the only thing that works for me when I'm depressed is to go hang out with my friend that makes me laugh. I know that isn't much help though if you don't already have a person like that in your life. Do you have any hobbies that you could get more involved in to take your mind off of other things? Any places that you enjoy going that you can distract yourself with for a while?


Steve

[RetailWorkhorse]

*Plots a Course for the Rolling Fork*

Hmm, Albuquerque NM to Farmington NM, to Provo UT, to Salt Lake City UT, take a slight detour to the Grocery Store in Pocatello Idaho where Fulghum had his epiphany, then to Boise ID, take the I-5 exit towards City Center/Beaverton/Salem in OR, keep right.....

1,322 miles. Give or take about 30 for the detour and about 45 wandering around until I can find Plaid-Kitty.....

If my car gets 17 MPG I need about 77.75 gallons of gas, with a 20 gallon gas tank, I'd have to fill up about 4 times and at about 3$ a gallon.... about 234$ worth of gas for the Jeep.

Using the same math, the Rolling Fork gets about 6 MPG, I'll need 220 gallons, with a 35 gallon gas tank at $3 a gallon.... that's 660$.

None of that counts food at the truck stops, lodging (or "Wally World Dry Docking"), and wifi charges (because Flying J charges for their wifi) to keep everyone in the loop.

......

*Starts baking cookies for a bake-sale*

[Mishi]

If I knew, I'd tell you. Mine really did go away all of a sudden. I'm blaming the pregnancy hormones (from Bubbles) coupled with the realisation that JazzyBee, who was beginning to become quite independant, loves me because she wants to, not because it's a self-defence mechanism. That made it believable that Rugz really did love me and wasn't only around because he was stuck with me thanks to having kids together. The chain reaction started there and was compounded by my daughters being sooo damn cute. I can't feel bad about myself when JazzyBee is constantly telling me that I'm her very own superhero and Bubbles climbs up onto my lap for a hug the second I sit down. I wouldn't recommend having kids as a 'cure' for depression though, it's not fair to them if they're stuck with depressed parents.

[Pedersen]

Before any of this, keep this in mind: I was never diagnosed with clinical depression. I know that I was suicidal for a long time, to the point that I had my suicide note written out mentally, but never saw anybody specifically for depression. For me, the "snap out of it" came from two specific incidents. The "stop hating myself" came from a third. I have no idea if these will help you, or anybody else reading, though I can hope they will.

The incidents themselves are intensely personal. I prefer not to go into them unless I absolutely have to. Something to keep in mind as you read further: I am going to sound like an asshole. In fact, it's very likely everybody who reads this will call me just that. However, if you think about what I am saying, you will see that I am right, on all counts.

Once you realize that I'm right, you can apply these to yourself. This can't fix up any chemical imbalances, and it is no substitute for quality therapy. What it can do is give you a starting point, a path out of depression, as long as the depression is a purely psychological one. I hope it can help any of you.

First realization: I am not at fault when others make bad choices. They made the choice. Even if I have done something that could contribute to that choice, it was still their choice. They did it, not me.

It's an incredibly liberating feeling. Suddenly, the problems of the people around you are not your fault. You can help them with their problems, but you are not to blame for the choices they made.

What happens if you ignore this? You take away anybody else's ability to do anything without you, at least in your own mind. To provide a simple example, suppose a friend goes to lunch, and the restaurant he goes to is one that you know has health code problems, though your friend does not. You tell your friend, who ignores you, and goes anyway. He comes down with nasty food poisoning.

If you've ignored this realization, then your friend's food poisoning is your fault. You should have done something more to prevent it. You will blame yourself. You are refusing to acknowledge that your friend made the choice. In fact, by blaming yourself, you are saying that your friend went because of you. Without you, your friend might have chosen something else, and not become sick.

It all comes down to this: There is more than enough blame for all of the bad things in the world. Don't take more than your share..

I don't think I've explained it well, but I'm already entering "way too long" territory.

Second Realization: I am the most important person in my life. Without me, there would be no such thing as "my life".

If the first realization didn't have you calling me an asshole, this one will do it. Think about it. Did I really just say that I'm more important than everybody else? Yes, yes I did. I said it in a specific context though: I am the most important person in my life. No matter what else happens, I must take care of me, first, before I can take care of anybody else.

It's like being on an airplane. If the cabin depressurizes, and those masks drop down, I can either try to help someone else get their mask on, or get my own mask on. Well, in that situation, I'm losing air, too. I can't breathe either. I might manage to get lucky enough to help one other person get their mask on, maybe. On the other hand, if I get my own mask on, I'll be breathing normally. Now I don't have to worry about my air, and I can help everybody around me that I can reach.

Without me, there is no "my life". Without me, there is no way I can do anything for anybody else. So, yes, I really am the most important person in my life.

Third Realization: This one is the hardest one to work through. Make no mistake, you must work through it, too. You have to know the answer to two questions (and, if you're a Babylon 5 fan, you're going to recognize them).

Who are you? What do you want?

If you don't know those answers, I don't believe you will be able to be happy. When you know them, you are able to work towards your goal, and you are able to do so within what you can do. If you don't know them, you will only be able to flounder about like a fish out of water. On occasion, you may get something that will help for a little bit, but doubtful that that will be enough to keep you happy for any length of time. To use the same fish analogy: Your flapping about landed you in a puddle of water. Now what?

For the first question, who are you? Keep these things in mind: I did not ask you for your name. I did not ask you for your ancestry. I did not ask you for your skills, your hopes, your fears. They are merely small pieces of you. I asked you who you are. Answer that question.

For the second question, what do you want? I don't mean "Well, I want a new 60" Plasma TV with 7.1 surround sound, a new $250,000 sports car, etc". I mean this: What would you sell your soul for? What matters so much to you that an eternity in hell would seem like a small price to pay, as long as you got it?

Answer both of those questions honestly and completely. And remember this: There's no essay here. There's no grade. There's no passing, no failing. The stakes are much higher. The stakes are the happiness you will be able to experience in life itself.

In Conclusion: Yes, finally. I don't know if these can help anybody else. They helped me tremendously, though. Hopefully, they can help pull someone at least a little bit of the way out of depression.

It's not easy. But it is worth it. I remember watching a movie a long time ago (Se7en, if you must know), and a quote was referenced. I think the quote is very relevant here:

"The world is a fine place and worth the fighting for and I hate very much to leave it.
" -- Ernest Hemingway, For Whom The Bell Tolls, 1940

[Whiskey]

Make a point to stop talking negatively about yourself constantly.

[Riesie]

Keep writing, if you enjoy the process - just do it for yourself, not other people.

When I feel overwhelmed, I get a pen and bit of paper and just write down all the things that are bothering me, and why. I tend to write as quickly as i can, and when I hit the bottom of the page, I just go back up to the top and write over what I've already put down on the page. Then, when I run out of steam I tear up the paper into as many little bits as I can, or destroy it some other way (although I think that dates more from sharing a room with a very nosy little sister, it is quite cathartic).

[Kheldarson]

In my case, I finally went and talked to the FNP at my medical center and she gave me a prescription that I took over the winter. My realization was that I hated being on meds, that I didn't like the other side effects (like I gave up writing entirely while I was on the pills. Just couldn't care enough), so I wanted to fix it. Still haven't fixed it entirely, but I'm off the pills at least. And I definitely agree with Pedersen's second realization. If you don't put yourself first, who will?

[Der Cute]

Plaidy:

It's possible you DO have organic depression. I'd also be looking at the side effects of those drugs as a possible downer. And the pain compounding it all.

If you're under state care (IIRC) I want you to hobble over to your PCP and get a referral for a psych doc and a chronic pain doc. And start LOUDLY whining about your hip. I mean, hell, you need an advocate for it. (tangent sorry)

OK.
You are a good person. I can hear it in your writings. I can hear the compassion and care you have. You give people chances, hoping they'll see the light..and sometimes they do, sometimes not. But you give.

At the same time, you seem to have a pattern of negative thoughts. Seshat recommended MoodGYM online. I like it. I"m using it right now, and I've found myself a little bit better about my issues.

Most often to conquer negativity thoughts and behavior, Cognitive Behavior Therapy is used. Since docs cant wave their fingers at you and cast spells, you the patient need to work on yourself. I will remind you that as a person with chronic depression and anxiety and shit the best way to fix ME up is to use drugs for the brain, psych therapy for the rewiring, and homework for reinforcement.

But you're clouded with pain. *hugs* and I'm sorry. There are 3 docs you need to see: PCP for referral to pain specialist, the referral to psych doc, and the pcp on FIX MY GOD DAMN HIP YOU SONSABITCHES.

There is no cure for depression, unless it's a Situational Depression (aka my dog died, my cat died, my mom died, my job place burnt down). Those can be treated with drug and therapy and they dissolve pretty easily. Yours? IDK. I seriously wonder if you have dysthymia (low level depression, chronic) or are angry about the pain/leg issue. And so, you need doc help.

While you're waiting for the red tape @ Doctors office, go to the MoodGym and work on your thinking a bit.

Oh, and eat dark chocolate. Gives you a seratonin high.

Also up your Vitamin D (you live in the PNW!) and your B6 and Omega 3/6/9. NatureMade, the yellow label is at Wally and Target...easy to get and easy to use.
Start those this week, and keep a journal somewhere about how you feel. Daily if you can, but weekly at the most. You'll need reminders to take to the doc about your issues.

Hugs man.
I really really wish your leg would behave.

Cutenoob

[Squeaksmyalias]

Plaidy!
I think you are awesome cause you can juggle! Really, I think that is really awesome, I can't do that and you can, that is awesome.

You want to write, write for yourself. Screw everyone else, I write things all the time, I mentioned that last night. No one else reads it, they might not like it, but it gets the idea off my head, it distracts me. So who cares what other people think about my writing.

I agree with Whiskey, you can't think so negatively, I said that last night too. I kept having to stop myself from saying those negative things. I know it's hard, it's like your brain is playing the same words over and over and over and you can't find the stop button. Sometimes you have to say to yourself damn it! I want to be happy right now so shut up. Or you can say shut up cause Squeaks and Whiskey say so. What ever helps.

Remember you got me and a bunch of other nice people on here.

[Midnight12]

going to add to this via personal experience.

yeah those who don't suffer depression or can easily "snap out of it" haven't experienced depression like those who do.
No you cannot just snap out of it.
As many people have already given advice and how to deal with it its....well how can I say. its different for everyone.

For me its like walking through a cloudy fog or as if my head isn't on right. Some days the fog is so think I just run on automatic and only give smiles to daughter. Some days the fog is barely there and I'm who I think I should be, the nice cheery person who I was in school.
Each day is different and for me if I have an ok day thats just ok. Yeah i know it sounds cheesy. I've had bad days i've had miserable days i've had days i wish i was dead and just may act on it but don't for many personal reasons. so from remembering the worst days having an ok day is better than bad day. I've had good days and great and the rare awesome days.

I take it one day at a time because it changes throughout the day i could wake up feeling good but go to bed pissed off or crying. And yeah the pain affects ALOT of how you are. (i would ask or find a way to at least relieve some of the pressure on the hip since the whole surgery thing is a big deal having read your post on that) Any kind of relief even if temporary might help as I can imagine every day in constant pain to some varying degrees.

how to deal with it, find something to do be it reading, writing - who gives a shit what other people say about your writing its what YOU think about it. and if you think its bad there are ways to improve it - or just something to take your mind off the issue for the moment. keep busy even if its doing chores, find something to do if possible. text your buddies, something. Or talk to people who wouldn't mind.
easier said than done but its a start. for me if i can get my daughter to laugh if for a second it makes things a little bit better.

so yes depression sucks but it also helps to talk to other people who have dealt with it than those who give you such responses as snap out of it. because they don't know. they don't have chemical imbalance, or bipolar or long term depression issues, they haven't been on the underside of that silver lined cloud so what would they know? Good that they are cheerful but it also keeps them a bit jaded imho. (kind of hard to help someone when you don't understand what they are going through)