Battle of Depression.

[Magpie]

Is there anything that you feel good about? I mean, in times when you're letting yourself feel good, is there something that doing it will make you feel better? Find a way to do that. Even better, find a way to force yourself to do it. This is what I meant when I commented on volunteering. It was incentive to get out and do stuff that helped me, because left to my own devices I wouldn't have done it.

[Plaidman]

Holy crap there is alot of responses. I was mostly putting this up for everything to add for others facing depression, not just me.
I want to thank you all. Really. I know that I've been incredibly annoying and assholesh lately, and none of you ever deserve that, so I do want
to say I'm very sorry for all the drama I've been bringing. I'm honestly, swear, trying to get over this. But thank you.
Hopefully it'll change sooner, rather then later. At least my hip problem. If that goes away, and I get a girl, then world will finally be color
rather then the pitch black hateful place it is.





EXASPERA: Very likely. It's made me alot more snappy lately, even over small things. I've dealt with it
fine for years, its only now it's to where I can't ignore it or take asprin.


Imprl59: I've been on several antedepressents over the past couple years. They all seem to have strange
and adnormal side effects, none that really make me positive or even feel better. I've zombie like, I'm
even more wierder. some made my already poor impulse control go even lesser. As for friends, I have few
and none can visit me or hang out for very long. Talking on the phone drives me nuts, because various
people are texting me at same time, and bad hearing. Going places could be an option. Just have to figure
where.

RetailWorkhorse: AWwww! I wish we could hang. But I'd drive ya nuts. Thank you though. (Send cookies)


MISHI: .... I know kids are not a cure for depression. I also want kids. I've been told by people whos
own kids I've babysit that I'd be a great father. Part of my depression is I can't have kids.

Pedersen: Your not an asshole at all. Your trying to help. It's true that I do alot of worrying about your
first one. Especally at school lately, where students don't do the work, and it's like GAH! It's this!
Why are you not studying! Do something! STOP TALKING on your cell! GAH!. And while I don't blame others
for doing criminal acts, I blame myself if I can't stop it. Pound some sense in them, or better yet just
get them arrested nad face justice for their harmful acts on others and maybe they'll learn not to do it!
They piss me off some damn much! Seriously. Why do you ahve to hit them? Why do you have to rob others!
Oh my god! My family didn't hug me ether, and I don't belive that's an excuse to rob and murder! Make the
right choice already.... (I'll shut up on that).
Your second part does make sense. I did read what you say when you said in your life, not in the world.
The driving force in my life is that I don't feel important to myself, and if I die to help someone else
live? or to not feel harm? Or even to get their priceless heirlooms back? Then I'll do it with a smile.
Who am I? .... A dork. A geek. A incredible stubborn person when it comes to some things in morality. What do I want?
A family. Pretty much all I ever wanted.

WHISKEY: This is the first place in my life, where I wasn't constantly insulted over everything. After so many decades
of being told that I wasn't anything but a piece of shit, as much as I try, I can't get that out of my head. I'm still working
on it. It's... just so second nature.

RIESIE: ... I want others to read my writing. I want others to like it. I want it to be a part of it.
but it's pretty crappy, even my fantasy writing sucks, which is one of my great loves. If I had an admiral, or
even a postive review, I'd feel better.

CUTENOOB: ...yeah. Time to go back to my pill doctor again, see if he has any ideas for a better antidepressent. I already
seeing my therapist bimonthly now. ....
But... thanks for the compliments. (I been taken vitimin D pills, but it's still low even though I take what I'm prescribed).
I've been depress far longer then how long my pain been. (well, physical pain).

Squeaksmyalias: .... I know. This place is awesome and full of caring people. I never thought I'd find
that, but it happen. Even if I annoying and piss off people here, they're still here.

Magpie:
What makes me feel good? It use to be playing dungeons and dragons. Now, not so much. No RPG makes me feel
good. Not even video game ones, where I was lost in for years. My legos, which were my best friends for years
I don't have energy to build. So very little intrests me. I'm trying to learn some things. Trying to save
what I can for a blacklight. (I always liked glow in the dark stars to put on walls cept they don't make any good ones anymore
just this plastic crap that needs a wierd plasticglue thing, and they tend to fall off all the time
, and a black light been my dream).

Even Batman and comics in general bore me. Which I was really hoping wouldn't happen, but such is life.


Thanks again to all that gave responses.

[r2cagle]

One step at a time, Plaidman... one step at a time.

The worst depression I've had has been medication induced. So you definitely need to understand that your intense chronic pain compounded by medication on top of a pre-disposition toward depression is a major hurdle.

I echo everyone's advice... journal your day so you can find your triggers and maybe even the causes (i.e. worse in the evening after taking this medicine, etc). And it is hokey and cliche to say, 'change the way you think, only you can find the answers, blah blah'... but it is true. Read lots of joke books, and humorous stories. Find the funniest joke for every situation you can think of and reread them when that situation occurs. Or better yet, start studying them as if you are going to be a professional comedian. Try them out on your friends and fellow students. It's a good zing when you can get other people to laugh.

I find that I have to wake every morning and tell myself, "Today is going to be a good day". When I don't do that mantra, I have a really crappy day. But that isn't because everything goes wrong, it could be a perfect day and if I choose to be grumpy...I'm going to have a bad day. And I used to get angry when driving because of other stupid drivers not paying attention...now, I focus on me and the road, and if someone is in such a big hurry to get around, I let them. (Today is not my day to die, so have at it) That's my point... it's all about choice. But in order to stay happy, you have to choose to let things go. Yes, things happen and you have every right to be upset, pissed, sad, etc.... but, it takes practice to keep saying, 'this too shall pass, and it won't matter in X years'. Not a magic cure, but at least it's a way of keeping yourself leveled out until the rest of your problems get solved or fixed.

Keep on, keeping on Big Guy!

[BookstoreEscapee]

Holy crap there is alot of responses.

And you're surprised at this?

[Seshat]

1. People who are depressed with the type of depression caused by unhelpful thinking CAN 'snap out of it' if they learn to correct the unhelpful thinking. This is what apparently happened to Pederson.

I don't know if that's technically called 'clinical depression' or not, but regardless, it works. Moodgym (http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome) is one technique for correcting unhelpful thinking. The overall category is called Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.


2. Chronic pain changes the neurochemistry of the patient. This altered neurochemistry can cause anxiety and depression. (Think about it: an animal is injured - therefore it can't fight or flee as well. What is the smartest thing for it to do? Be afraid, and find somewhere to hide and be quiet. What emotions will cause that? Anxiety and depression.)

Plaid, you may have other neurochemical reasons to be depressed as well.


3. Your (Plaid's) circumstances are enough to make anyone depressed. Some of those circumstances are correctable. Some are not.

One psychologist told me that I'm not expected to be a saint. That adapting to my illness DID include having times when I wanted to scream at God "WHY ME!" Having times when I was angry, or miserable, or wanted to throw everything valuable and fragile that I own just to let the hurt out.

Proper adaption apparently includes kind of accepting it most of the time, and venting the anger and misery and frustration in a harmless way the rest of the time. (I have an emotions sketchbook. Sometimes the pictures are pretty. Sometimes they're not. One page is scrawled with the word 'hate' all over it.)




Plaid,

I think you need a three-pronged approach, if not a four-pronged approach.

Prong 1: helpful thinking.
Moodgym, or working one-on-one with a psychologist, or anything at all to help you think in ways that will help make you more functional.

Not that previous ways of thinking are 'wrong', they're just 'unhelpful' or 'non-functional'.


Prong 2: medication.
Whether to counter the chronic-pain-induced anxiety and depression, or to counter something else in your neurochemistry, or what, I don't know. Your family doctor may need to send you to a specialist psychiatrist to get the right meds.


Prong 3: improve your circumstances.
ANYTHING at all is helpful. Tidying your house. Putting bright curtains up. Think about what makes you comfortable, and arrange for that comfort in your own life.
If you can make big changes, that's good too. But little changes are more feasible, and a better starting place.


Prong 4: being proud.
Do something to be proud of and happy with. Or notice the things you already do.

You give advice here. Be proud of that. You try to make peoples' lives better. Be proud of that. When you make an appointment with the doctor, be proud of actually doing that. When you make changes in your living conditions, be proud of that.

Notice the things you do, and be proud of them.

If you can't muster up the emotion, muster up the thought 'I am proud of this'. Or if you can't quite think it, say it. Or write it. Or even 'I should be proud of this'. Or even 'Seshat thinks I should be proud of this'.



I believe that that four-pronged approach will help you, Plaid. It may not cure you, but it will bring you up from the depths of the depression spiral.

And I believe that every depressed person can be helped by one or more of those prongs.

[Der Cute]

Who am I? .... A dork. A geek. A incredible stubborn person when it comes to some things in morality. What do I want?
A family. Pretty much all I ever wanted.

Heh. Well, honey, you get working on it.

When I was 23-24, I got really really fucking tired of taking the bus/walking/taxis all around the city. My seizures weren't controlled enough to drive, and I finally said, I AM TIRED OF THIS SHIT.

It took me one night of bawling my eyes out to accept that I had E and that I might not get where I wanted to. Then I set my sights on the Ultimate Goal: DRIVE CAR. To do it, I had to control the sz, to really work on my pill-schedule, and to not screw around.

And, it took me awhile, but I got the Letter Of OK from Doc - after 12 mos with no sz. And got a license after that, and before I knew it, I had my car paid off!!!

Look: I had to be brutally honest with myself. I had to write out goals in a step by step manner and check them off as I went.

Technically, some people would consider me handicapped due to the meds /Epilepsy etc. But I've broken through it.

Do you want the family? Then what would it take to get it? How? THAT'S what you need to talk to the psych person about. AFTER you go get the pain specialist help. AND after you've yelled at the doctors and state - you're at risk of becoming addicted to pain pills - they'd rather have you stoned than coherent? (I'm pissed myself at this)

Hugs, man. The last time I juggled ANYTHING was in Jr. High - it was scarves.

Cutenoob

[Seshat]

Your genetic family is an accident.

Your real family can be friends. My real family is my two loves, and a fluid network of friends who I sometimes see regularly, sometimes not for years.

They care about me more effectively than my blood relatives ever have.

[Squeaksmyalias]

Your genetic family is an accident.

Your real family can be friends. My real family is my two loves, and a fluid network of friends who I sometimes see regularly, sometimes not for years.

They care about me more effectively than my blood relatives ever have.

I'm your family Plaid. You don't scare me, I'd hug you.
My dad's side of the family wished I was never born, my grandmother made that clear. With my Mom's side I barely get noticed and I'm the black sheep because of how different I am from them.
Me and you, we are the same. We understand each other, we can be family, now you have a younger sister!

[trailerparkmedic]

What fixed my depression? The first time it was a lot of therapy, medication and moving out on my own. The second time took some short term medication and therapy.

If the only reason you don't like medication is because you've had some crappy side effects, don't give up. I lost track of the number of meds I tried before something worked without making me feel terrible (though I did want to stay on Zoloft, it worked ok and I never ate so I was getting skinny... too bad my doctor didn't think it was healthy ) but getting on the med that helped me was seriously life changing. It helped me with my day to day life and gave me enough energy/concentration/etc to use my therapy to attack my problems.

If it's difficult to make frequent trips to the doctor, see if you can get precriptions for two meds at a time so that if one isn't working you can discontinue it and start the other one sooner.

I really, really, really hope you're in therapy and taking it seriously. If medication was life changing, I can't even explain how life changing therapy was, and I haven't been through a tenth the crap you have.

I get a girl, then world will finally be color
rather then the pitch black hateful place it is.

I'll repeat this again and again--I know you crave love and faceless online people aren't enough. That's not a bad thing. I just hope you realize significant others don't solve things.
For quite awhile I used men to fill holes in my life. Sometimes it was random men I met at the bar. Sometimes it was people I knew better. None of the relationships were healthy. I got very hurt in some of those relationships (to the point I needed to go to therapy the second time). The only relationships that I've been in that made me feel good are ones that I started when I was mentally healthy. I made better choices in men and saw warning signs far sooner.

[Whiskey]

I'll repeat this again and again--I know you crave love and faceless online people aren't enough. That's not a bad thing. I just hope you realize significant others don't solve things.
For quite awhile I used men to fill holes in my life. Sometimes it was random men I met at the bar. Sometimes it was people I knew better. None of the relationships were healthy. I got very hurt in some of those relationships (to the point I needed to go to therapy the second time). The only relationships that I've been in that made me feel good are ones that I started when I was mentally healthy. I made better choices in men and saw warning signs far sooner.

Do not get into a relationship until you are mentally healthy. It will not "fill the world with color." A romantic relationship will not fix any of your problems.

Also,

I used men to fill holes

Heh.

[RetailWorkhorse]

RetailWorkhorse: AWwww! I wish we could hang. But I'd drive ya nuts. Thank you though. (Send cookies)

Aww, he thinks I'm kidding when I said I plotted the way to Portland.

I'M COMING TO PORTLAND.

As soon as I have the money to get up there. I want to visit Seattle.

[Whiskey]

Aww, he thinks I'm kidding when I said I plotted the way to Portland.

I'M COMING TO PORTLAND.

As soon as I have the money to get up there. I want to visit Seattle.

I have family in bend.

[RetailWorkhorse]

I have family in bend.

Shall we go torture them with bacon goodness?

[dalesys]

I have family in bend.

Lends a whole new frisson to the concept "Let's get bent."

Aww, he thinks I'm kidding when I said I plotted the way to Portland.

If you come through Salt Lake you can get pastrami-burgers...

[RetailWorkhorse]

Pastramiiiiiiiiii!

*Drools*