I just got the Off Meds Phone Call

[Whiskey]

If we had it here, considered how absolutely destitute I am, Im fairly certain Id know about Title X. I will look into it though. I'm in California :P However my housing is based on a contract with this program. I violate the contract (which states I cant go to another provider) then I violate my lease and get evicted. They do an end run on the Fair Housing laws to prevent me from doing anything. According to FHA, I can cease any treatment and go batshit insane if I feel like and my housing wouldnt be in jeopardy. Since this contract is in place, I'm forcefed treatment I dont agree with. They finally let go of me going to AA twice a week. For now at least. I disagree with AA on fundamental and philosophical levels so the idea that it would help me with my "drinking problems" is laughable. Its like sending a fundamentalist to an atheism camp. If I leave my program, I violate my contract, I go back to being homeless. No they dont care, no its not really legal.


I also think youre all forgetting I dont have health insurance. ANY program in my area requires health insurance. They WILL NOT see me if I don't have health insurance. My only options are the ER, committing myself (again), and relying on a GP's knowledge of mental health (woo.)

[Mytical]

Yeah, that sounds kinda illegal there. Consult a lawyer. As for everything else..the places listed in the site won't require insurance as they are clinics. You will have to sign a "I will not sue if you treat me" agreement..but other then that and proof of income that would be all they require. For everything else, I don't know what to say..beside the consulting a lawyer. *hugs*

Edit : In fact clinics usually won't see anybody who has any insurance what so ever. Never can tell the level of treatment you will get unfortunately.

[Whiskey]

Yeah, that sounds kinda illegal there. Consult a lawyer. As for everything else..the places listed in the site won't require insurance as they are clinics. You will have to sign a "I will not sue if you treat me" agreement..but other then that and proof of income that would be all they require. For everything else, I don't know what to say..beside the consulting a lawyer. *hugs*

Edit : In fact clinics usually won't see anybody who has any insurance what so ever. Never can tell the level of treatment you will get unfortunately.

Actually now that I think of it, there is another clinic (that i'm not allowed to go to, if they find out im going to it, theyll void my contract and evict me) that doesnt do insurance. Its in the worst part of town where you have to sit outside and wait for them to open at 745AM. Even if you have an appointment, you still have to pray you dont get robbed. They're essentially pill pushers so I'll have to do my research and tell them what to prescribe me again.

Ugh. Better than nothing, I suppose.

[Seshat]

One of my college professors (who is in the mental health field, mental health related class) heard about my stories on and off twice a week for six months.

Tell her everything you just told us, including the contract, the potential homelessness, and the insurance problems.

She sounds like the sort of person who WANTS to spot and fill in the gaps in the system that you're falling through.

[Whiskey]

She already knows, its half the reason she's getting them shut down. She knows more than is posted here. I've been verbally abused, psychologically tormented, put in situations where my life was in jeopardy all by my "care team." My therapist is coming today, she makes housecalls because one of the staff in the office HAS to harass me everytime I go there. Its going to be one hour of

Her: Hows your depression
Me: fine i guess
Her: suicidal?
Me: no (sure as shit can't say yes, they dont believe me anyways if I am)
Her: hows work
Me: its work
Her: you know im a mandated reporter, i have to report if youre a danger
Me: yeah I know
Her: So hows your depression.

I'm just so tired of all of it. I can't bring myself to really eat anymore. I think I had a sandwich and some bacon yesterday. I just ate five or six hot wings which were probably rancid when I cooked them. I don't have the energy for her today.

[Mikkel]

I'm just so tired of all of it. I can't bring myself to really eat anymore. I think I had a sandwich and some bacon yesterday. I just ate five or six hot wings which were probably rancid when I cooked them. I don't have the energy for her today.

HELL, go eat something healthy now. Your depression doesn't get any better by you starving yourself. You are in an impossible situation, I can understand your giving up, but please don't. Look into Myticals suggestions, talk to the professor again and ask for advice. There must be something you can do, maybe even finding somewhere else to live. Do those quacks get paid for mistreating you? Could you complain to some authorities? I don't understand the US healthcare system, I haven't any advice but really, go eat something healthier than rancid hot wings.

[Whiskey]

No worries, i picked up some fruit. I'm not starving myself, i'm just meh. I cant afford to live anywhere else. I'm in subsidized housing, if I tried to live on my own I'd be living out of my car. Living with other people has never worked because how I get. They get paid good money to do their business. My therapist would serve me better by going and getting a coffee for an hour and leaving me alone. They already lie outright in my file, why not just leave me alone and say you were here. Shes going to write whatever she wants in there anyways.

Oh god "meh" reminded me. I love the cognitive dissonance this woman seems to have

Her: so whatd you do this week
Me: work, sleep
Her: nothing else
Me: went to a friends house on tuesday
Her: anything else?
Me: no.
Her: why dont you find a hobby
Me: i hate everything
Her: you could jog
Me: I hate jogging.
Her: What about hiking
Me: I hate hiking
Her: why doing you join a club
Me: I hate people.

ten minutes later
Her: Well its great to see your depression is doing better!
Me: Yeap.


my brain is playing with me again. this isn't good. i dont even want to talk about it and thats worse.

[Taboo]

Can you find someone to live with who you don't really have to interact with beyond the act of rent-paying?

I hate living with other people too, so my roommate is nocturnal and I am not. If he's even here when I'm awake, he's sleeping. So it's doable for us.

[Whiskey]

That hasn't worked very well in the past. From the general crazy, to not being able to hold a job. Another session complete. Woo, apparently i'm doing wonderfully. Also, I need to clean better. I tell them every week this is as clean as it gets and they keep saying clean it more. Well, no, fuck you. My apartment stays the way I like it and generally I like it a little fucking messy. Hey she was here for less than a half hour. This is progress, I approve.

[Whiskey]

Work is going to be fun tonight. No one I know, the few i do know, has called me in four days. They say they will, then they forget about me. Wonderful.

[Amina516]

Whiskey, im am so sorry. Youre in a heartbreaking situation. Please stay strong. I have to believe theres help for you somewhere. I hope your professor friend just gets the real crazies booted from running the program youre in, but not shut down completely. If new people came to run or help out in it, id hope it would all get better.

Keep us updated. I know you dont know me, but if you ever want to talk, Im here..as Im sure several others would be.

[Mytical]

I know it doesn't help much, but *hugs and offers cookies*. I really do hope things get better for you.

[Whiskey]

Everyone likes word problems right? Well, here you go.

Girl plans on getting her car fixed. Girl is flat ass broke until the fifth. The current car can't be driven as of 8/1 without incurring trouble from the law. Girl has to pay to tow the car to the shop to get it fixed. Pay day isnt until 8/5. How exactly does girl pay the tow man?

I have 12$. Well, I had a check card for ONE DAY, four days ago, and apparently now my account is negative. I have nothing. Fuck.

[Whiskey]

Apparently I'm fine now. I'm fine as long as I don't talk to anyone I know or log into facebook because fuck everyone I've ever met.

I feel good.

[technical.angel]

Whiskey, sweetie, I'm soo sorry for you. I wish I could help, but I only have one suggestion, which many or may not help for your manic shopping.

I have a spreadsheet where I've written down all my bills, about when they're due, how much I have to pay, and then I do the same with my income. This may be harder for you, as your income may vary by the hours you work.

But since my income is the same every month, I know that I have so much going out each month, and a pittance left over after paying the bills. Seeing that number, or a ballpark number, might help you when you're out shopping.