I just got the Off Meds Phone Call

[Whiskey]

I have one of those. My bills get paid. I just end up with no money, like right now. Actually, my friend (sane) advised me not to put myself at broke and pay rent AND power, and just pay power late.

Now my power isnt paid and I have no money. I'm not listening to normal people anymore.

[technical.angel]

Well, then you certainly can listen to me!

Are you budgeting for food?

[Whiskey]

Are you budgeting for food?

I need to reapply for food stamps. I need to do a lot of things. I'm not going to, but I need to. Kind of like vacuuming. I have a stockpile of food though, I won't starve. I should have picked up eggs on the way home. My facebook poses a philosophical question: how the shit am I supposed to feed myself if driving drunk and walking drunk are both illegal?

[technical.angel]

There's nothing wrong with accepting help, especially when it comes to food. Every other week, I'm quazi-forced to spend the weekend with my parents so they can take me grocery shopping.

Until my credit card debt is paid off (soon... so soo soon!!) I just don't have the money to feed me the week I don't get a paycheck.

I believe I read that you're also a full time student, just remember your goals. What you WANT to do after graduation, and just focus on that when life gets rough.

And, believe me, I know exactly what you mean.... with everything. With the shopping, with needing to do something and just... not.

Unfortunately, I haven't found a great fix. My mom freaking out at my CC bills got me to finally get those taken care of, but with everything else, it's just.. bleh.

I know I need to find a counselor, but... eh.. I don't really have the money, and don't want to depend on my parents to pay for that too.

[Whiskey]

There's nothing wrong with accepting help, especially when it comes to food.

Its not accepting help thats the issue. I've been on food stamps since I was 18 (on and off). Its doing it. Sitting down there for HOURS, filling out the paperwork, getting all my documents and payroll together. Its overwhelming. I'd rather lie in bed and pretend I didn't exist.

Until my credit card debt is paid off (soon... so soo soon!!)

Good

I believe I read that you're also a full time student, just remember your goals.

I dont really have goals. I have stuff and whatever, but nothing seems to be important enough. I'm in college because everyone told me i'm too smart not to be. My counselors tell me I'm too smart for the school I'm in. I just.. eh. I feel like I'm going to die before anything matters. Why bother.

I know I need to find a counselor, but... eh.. I don't really have the money, and don't want to depend on my parents to pay for that too.

Find a local peer support group. Better than counseling, IMO. And theyre free.


Oh and I might have to give Nermal away. My therapist just randomly felt like telling my Housing Authority I have a second cat. If it makes it to the people I don't want it to.. well..

There goes Nermal. Sully loves her with all his hate too. They snuggle and sometimes she jumps on the couch when I'm too scared to sleep in my bed and sleeps on my chest.

I'm gonna cry.

[Whiskey]

My friend (same one from the OP) just sent me a huge email. I skimmed. Something about im selfish and all i talk about is me and it hasnt been almost six days, she talked to me on saturday (okay so four days with no contact with anyone at all).

I have no one. what's the point anymore. I do still have my 200$ rent check. I can disappear again. I fucked this time up too.

fuck.

[Chromatix]

Seriously, this is why I hate means-tested benefits. You can only get them if you can prove a negative, ie. you don't have money, and such a proof is mathematically impossible. If you're in a situation where you don't have money, there's a good chance you don't have it together well enough to cope with the bureaucracy or stand up for your rights.

Which is precisely what you're going through now.

It sounds to me as though you have three problems:

a) Your medical support is worse than useless. But you can't find an alternative. Go America.

b) Your employer doesn't understand your problem, and indeed your job is unsuitable for you in the first place. You're good at the job but you can't consistently cope with the drama.

c) You keep involuntarily spending all the money that could possibly get you out of your hole, partly because of a). I'm guessing you get paid monthly, which doesn't help either since it's a long time between running out of money and getting some more.

Actually it sounds like you might need to up sticks and move to a different state - one where you can get non-braindead medical care that has a chance of actually working. Preferably you should find someone trustworthy to help you do that.

In the meantime, you do need to find a way to control your own spending. Normal, self-affirmative techniques won't work because they're designed for people who don't go loopy on a regular basis. You're going to have to put up physical barriers to instant spending. You can't spend money you can't get at.

The idea of putting cash in the freezer is a good one, for that reason. The delay needed to thaw it out might be enough to let you get grounded again. Make relatively small bundles of cash, so you only thaw out what you need for something specific. Keep only coins in your purse otherwise.

The American system is so fundamentally different from what I'm used to though, that I can't help you deal with the root causes.

[Whiskey]

re: moving. I don't have anyone, let alone someone trustworthy, to help me move. I had physical barriers up, i just have an ATM card up which was kind of working. I had a check card for one day (last thursday when I looped it). I didnt spend much but magically now im overdrafted because of it.

I could apply for social security but that means im never allowed to have anything. I can't have a savings account, I can have a job but I'm only allowed to make something like 9K a year. I don't even know if I'd be allowed to go to school. Also you can't get welfare. My (former) friend gets something like 800/mo to live on and because its through the state security administration, she cant get food stamps. So 800 has to cover everything. Federal poverty is 14k a year for 1 person. You also can't sound too smart when applying. If you sound smart that means you can work. Seriouslty, I did an evaluation like a year or two ago and some of the stuff they asked me. "What is 15 - 9?" "how many legs does a chair have?"

Its okay though because apparently everything is my fault. I guess I take no responsibilities for my actions. As my friend said if I "just managed my money better" I wouldn't be in this situation. Its good to know everything is actually my fault because I was feeling entirely too good about myself earlier. /sarcasm.

edit: Oh and it takes years to get approved. Generally you get denied the first time, which takes a year. Then they deny you some more. This makes a rather.. fatalist person like myself not bother. Not to mention the application is roughly fifteen pages long, you have to fill out every single job you've ever held, get letters from doctors, get poked at by new doctors, get rejected a couple times, fill out ANOTHER application with the same information. If you have a job, they want to know why you have a job now. The process is terrible. I can't do three years of that shit.

heres a good quote

Those who file for disability based on mental illness go through the identical disability determination process, and are allowed the same opportunity to appeal if a disability examiner turns down their claim. If you have been denied benefits for a mental impairment (and about 70 percent of all disability applications are denied), you should definitely take advantage of this appeals process.

The first appeal, of course, will most likely be unsuccessful, as it goes to the state disability determination services (DDS) for consideration. Since it was an examiner for DDS who turned the case down in the first place, it’s not surprising that DDS denies, on average, 85% of all disability appeals.

After that you have to get a lawyer and go to court.

[ApolloSZ]

Whiskey

You don't know me, I don't know you. But your situation, whats happening sucks.
Yes, normal is boring, I agree. But checking out these forums I don't think the people here fit the ideal definition of 'normal'. We've all got our quirks which make us different

Healthcare system, I can't help. I'm in NZ, and don't bother with doctors barring serious issues.

Brain wise.... all I can offer is an ear. I'm not a shrink, I don't play one on Tv. But apparently I listen (read?) good Even if its just to debate or discuss a random topic to get your mind onto something else.

Money wise, I was like you, roughly a year ago. My paycheck gone each time, and on nothing.
I dunno about your situation familly/friends wise, but what I did was ask my dad for help, and started transferring some money to an account under his name. If I get stuck he'll help me out with it, but otherwise I put it in within a day or so of payday and that way it's safe from free-for-all spending. These days, I'm alot better money wise.

At the end all I can say is, You've done awesomely to still be kicking drive thru butt with all this shi... stuff Hang in there. *cheeky nudge* (I don't do hugs lol)

[Whiskey]

I dunno about your situation familly/friends wise,

I dont know if the universe wants me to feel incredibly alone or what but for the third time, i have no one.

/cranky

but thank you.

[ApolloSZ]

On a side note. I now feel like an ass. Honestly that wasn't my intention Whiskey. Do-over?.

[Whiskey]

I accept chocolates and whiskey as apologies.

I just have had a fairly fucked up life. No family, my father left when I was a kid, my mother has told the entire family she doesn't want to hear about me even if i'm dead in a ditch, the rest of my family doesn't believe in mental illness and my grandma (the only one I talk to) wouldn't give me a place to sleep indoors when I was homeless for over a year. Or the 2nd time I was back in the state and living in my car. She says "good people can handle suffering." Woo.

I have no friends because I'm insane and its impossible to deal with me, apparently. I do have two friends in Kansas, from when I lived there, but I can't stay with them. You don't know how many times I've had people tell me my crazy is such an inconvenience. Like I'm having a wonderful party over here trying to figure out if I have anything strong enough to swing from the ceiling lamp from for the last 2 days.

Required disclaimer: I have no intention of harming myself or others.

And my cat just took a wet shit all over my white carpet 2 inches from his freshly cleaned box. They're about to go back to the fucking pound.

[ApolloSZ]

Well ofcourse your crazy is selective, hellooo. F*ckers. Sorry. people like that .... displease me :|

Hmmm... I can share some delish Gentlemans Jack with you.... I'll search for chocolate.

[Whiskey]

I love in that email she says for the last MONTH ive been a terror. however I was off my meds for 9 days. But I do so wonderful on my meds!

You have to pick a fucking stance. You know what the best thing would be? If I just bootstrapped up and quit being crazy! Haha! Look at that, a solution!

[Rapscallion]

This thread's proof that there are people here who care. Talk and vent, we'll listen. I can't promise more than that, but we'll be here.

Rapscallion