Hate discussing my love life again, but need advice

[shankyknitter]

Background- So about 2 years ago I broke up with the man who was my fiancee. It was a dumb reason, I was dumb and had a crush on another man, fiancee and I got in a fight (unrelated argument) and I broke up with him. I then began dating other man (whom shall be called 'asshole') asshole and I were together for about 1 1/2 years-ish. He cheated on me from the get go. We broke up before Thanksgiving.

I moved in with my aunt and uncle, ex-fiancee is uncle's best friend. Hence he's here a lot. He and I started dating again. This is where the problem comes in.

I don't feel like we are dating. At all. We don't talk, when he's here or when he's not (no phone calls/texts/internet conversations) He visits only to see my uncle pretty much and we've spent next to time alone.

Last week he tells me that the reason he hadn't been paying attention to me was because he had to make up his mind about if he wanted to be with me. He apparently decided he did but hasn't done a damned thing since to show it.

So my question: Do I break it off now before I go away for two weeks (Pennsic)? Or do I wait until I head back to school at the end of August and point to the fact that I don't plan on coming back and he doesn't plan on ever relocating?

[Mytical]

Well sounds like there isn't much to break off, but the earlier the better I always say.

[Jester]

Seems to merely be a question of timing, but it does seem clear that this relationship isn't going anywhere, so break it off when it is best for YOU to do so.

Personally, I think you should do it yesterday, but that's just my opinion. You do what's best for you.

[RetailWorkhorse]

I think my whole response would be "Oh, we're dating?" if it doesn't feel like dating.

Then again all my relationships have ended quite badly (still friends with them, though) because none of us have ever figured out if we were actually dating or not.

Flea-Bit is different. Don't ask me how, he just is.

[shankyknitter]

I think my whole response would be "Oh, we're dating?" if it doesn't feel like dating.

See the thing is we talked about it, a lot, and finally decided that yes we were together. He then spent about 2 weeks ignoring me totally since he needed to figure out if he wanted to be with me or not. He apparently decided that yes he did want to date me. He told me this by kissing me and grabbing my ass. For the record that's the most affection I've gotten since then. This was a week or so ago.

Getting irritated, especially since as I'm typing this he ran into my apartment, grabbed something of his and ran out without so much as a 'hello' to me while I'm sitting in the living room. He had to pass me to get his bag. I'm sick of feeling like I'm not here to him.

I don't need to (or want to) be the center of the universe, but damnit I should rank somewhere above Clark Kent, Peter Parker and Starscream!

[Whiskey]

do I wait until I head back to school at the end of August and point to the fact that I don't plan on coming back and he doesn't plan on ever relocating?

Everything you posted is irrelevant. how are you anything but fuck buddies if you plan on moving, never coming back, and he doesn't plan on going with you? It doesn't sound like you or him cares very much.

[RetailWorkhorse]

He told me this by kissing me and grabbing my ass.

Guh? Wha', he didn't verbalize it?

*Blink*

He IS aware you can't read his mind, yeah?

I dunno, I'm kinda with Whiskey on this one, ya seem more like fuck-buddies than in an actual relationship.

Or just really good friends....but that wouldn't explain the whole I'm-ignoring-my-girlfriend-today-yay! thing goin' on.

[shankyknitter]

See I can't call us fuck-buddies since we don't do anything more physical than making out. I can't call us friends with (minor) benefits since we're not really that great of friends. It's more 'here's this person. I kiss them every so often.' and if that were my criteria for dating someone I'd be in about 10 different relationships at the moment. Most of them (oddly) with married women. But I digress. I'm removing any sort of title from it, probably before I go to Pennsic since I'd rather not just have it linger. But I leave friday and he won't be here until thursday night.

[Der Cute]

Can you see anything good for staying with him?
Are there more cons than pros if you stick with him?
What does he DO for you?

Is this just companionship with a bit of pawing tossed in, or a real relationship?

Personally, I'd find someone on Craigslist and get laid. Then change the locks, and tell Guy to bug off. Just me tho.

Cutenoob

[Kheldarson]

I think paraphrasing "Spaceballs" would be appropriate here.

[Whiskey]

why does it matter if theres any good in staying with him, if she likes him or if he bangs it out like tommy lee on coke. shes leaving for college in 4 weeks and never coming back, he does not plan on joining. Its dead in the water. If you leave friday, and he comes back thursday night, it sounds like thursday night should be pretty awkward. Doesnt he have text or email? It doesnt even sound as if he'd really care if you told him you were just going to keep it as "friends"

So my question: Do I break it off now before I go away for two weeks (Pennsic)? Or do I wait until I head back to school at the end of August and point to the fact that I don't plan on coming back and he doesn't plan on ever relocating?

Are you even getting laid? I can't imagine dealing with this kind of bullshit and not at least getting a decent piece. Although, if he'd rather hang out with your uncle than you, I'd say probably not. But its good he made the very adult decision of being with you, without consulting you or telling you how he felt.

I second going, getting laid, then heading out. however, not on craigslist. Go to a bar like everyone else. At least then you get free drinks with 90% less roofies.

[shankyknitter]

Decided to break up with him sooner rather than later. Planning on doing it tonight actually. In truth wanted to have it done already. However he, my aunt, and my uncle have been out somewhere since about 9pm. It's currently 2am for reference. I leave for Pennsic tomorrow and was hoping to get sleep tonight but I don't want to put this off anymore since if I do I'll lose my nerve. Just bitching because I'm irritated and getting antsy.


EDIT:Well they finally got back. They were at a bar. He is drunk off his ass and staying the night here. I doubt anything I say to him right now is going to sink in. *insert ranting bitching and fist waving*

[Kheldarson]

Then I'd leave him a "Dear John" note if he's not up by the time you leave. Or a f-you note, depending on your mood. Just make it perfectly clear you're done.

[shankyknitter]

Seems a bit cowardly to me though. Meh we'll see how hung over he is in the morning. 'Cause the thing is I don't hate him, I still care about him and I still want to be able to be around him when this is over. I just can't date him anymore. And I'd rather not leave a note, then vanish for two weeks, knowing him he'd stew over the fact that I didn't have enough spine to say it to his face, proceed to get pissed, and it'd ruin our friendship. Wow that was a long sentence.

[Mytical]

Ok, I am a 'odd' male, but I want to warn you of something. Do not be surprised if after you are no longer 'dating' that he gets cold. Some guys (not all) don't do well with the 'now just friends again' thing. Sometimes it will go to the 'cold' or the 'hot' (one of two versions).

Cold - He will distance himself totally. Will have as little to do with you as possible.

Hot (version 1) - Anger. How dare you break it off with him. This one can be scary.

Hot (Version 2) - Passion. He will do whatever he can to 'win' you back (as if you are some prize in some game). Flowers, stalking, etc. This one can be REALLY scary.

I hope he is mature enough to handle it right.