Hate discussing my love life again, but need advice

[Whiskey]

he prefers to hang out with your aunt and uncle, and he doesn't speak to you.

You are not friends.

[ArcticChicken]

it'd ruin our friendship.

What friendship?

You just told us he prefers to hang out with your aunt and uncle, and he doesn't speak to you.

So, I ask again, what friendship?

[elsporko]

I'd say fault lies on both parts. She should have confronted him on the behavior sooner, definitly before she leaves.

[Jester]

I wouldn't call the guy a douche. Seems like there was some baggage from the first relationship he thought he was over but actually wasn't and might not even be self aware enough to realize it.

That's certainly a possibility, and the dating/not dating thing does not make me call him a douche.

But actions speak louder than words, and his actions are shouting from the hilltops here. Such as him treating her like she doesn't exist and letting her know that they are still involved by only a kiss and an ass grab.

Dude's a toad. Complete and total fucktrumpet. Sir Douche-a-Lot. Douchapotamus Rex. His Majesty, King Ass of Clown.

[elsporko]

I wouldn't call the guy a douche. Seems like there was some baggage from the first relationship he thought he was over but actually wasn't and might not even be self aware enough to realize it.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Jeeze, move on. Guy's a loser.

Why on earth would you go to Pennsic attached (when you really aren't) if you didn't have to. I mean, if you had, y'know, a RELATIONSHIP, that would be one thing, but you don't. Sounds like you guys would have to step it up a bit just to have something to break off.

Anyways, I will be at Pennsic next week. Come see me. X09, green gypsy wagon.
Travel safe.

[Jester]

He then spent about 2 weeks ignoring me totally since he needed to figure out if he wanted to be with me or not. He apparently decided that yes he did want to date me. He told me this by kissing me and grabbing my ass. For the record that's the most affection I've gotten since then.

Dude's a douchebag. Move on.

Some guys (not all) don't do well with the 'now just friends again' thing.

And sometimes it's situational. I am generally on friendly terms with most of my exes, even if I don't see them or talk to them all the time. Hell, there are some girls I've been involved with that I would invite to my wedding. And they would come.

That being said, sometimes the "just friends" thing is just not possible. And for me, I am not referring to my Worst Girlfriend Ever, as my feelings about her are well-documented here. No, I am talking about my ex-fiancee, The Brit. She was (maybe still is) the love of my life. I couldn't envision her being around and being "just friends" with her. Frankly, neither could she. (We actually had discussions about this while we were together.) Not because of any bitterness, but just because we could not be Just Friends, if you follow me.

I don't know if that applies in this situation. Personally, I think the dude sounds like a toad.

[Mytical]

Ok, I am a 'odd' male, but I want to warn you of something. Do not be surprised if after you are no longer 'dating' that he gets cold. Some guys (not all) don't do well with the 'now just friends again' thing. Sometimes it will go to the 'cold' or the 'hot' (one of two versions).

Cold - He will distance himself totally. Will have as little to do with you as possible.

Hot (version 1) - Anger. How dare you break it off with him. This one can be scary.

Hot (Version 2) - Passion. He will do whatever he can to 'win' you back (as if you are some prize in some game). Flowers, stalking, etc. This one can be REALLY scary.

I hope he is mature enough to handle it right.

[shankyknitter]

Seems a bit cowardly to me though. Meh we'll see how hung over he is in the morning. 'Cause the thing is I don't hate him, I still care about him and I still want to be able to be around him when this is over. I just can't date him anymore. And I'd rather not leave a note, then vanish for two weeks, knowing him he'd stew over the fact that I didn't have enough spine to say it to his face, proceed to get pissed, and it'd ruin our friendship. Wow that was a long sentence.

[Kheldarson]

Then I'd leave him a "Dear John" note if he's not up by the time you leave. Or a f-you note, depending on your mood. Just make it perfectly clear you're done.

[shankyknitter]

Decided to break up with him sooner rather than later. Planning on doing it tonight actually. In truth wanted to have it done already. However he, my aunt, and my uncle have been out somewhere since about 9pm. It's currently 2am for reference. I leave for Pennsic tomorrow and was hoping to get sleep tonight but I don't want to put this off anymore since if I do I'll lose my nerve. Just bitching because I'm irritated and getting antsy.


EDIT:Well they finally got back. They were at a bar. He is drunk off his ass and staying the night here. I doubt anything I say to him right now is going to sink in. *insert ranting bitching and fist waving*

[Whiskey]

why does it matter if theres any good in staying with him, if she likes him or if he bangs it out like tommy lee on coke. shes leaving for college in 4 weeks and never coming back, he does not plan on joining. Its dead in the water. If you leave friday, and he comes back thursday night, it sounds like thursday night should be pretty awkward. Doesnt he have text or email? It doesnt even sound as if he'd really care if you told him you were just going to keep it as "friends"

So my question: Do I break it off now before I go away for two weeks (Pennsic)? Or do I wait until I head back to school at the end of August and point to the fact that I don't plan on coming back and he doesn't plan on ever relocating?

Are you even getting laid? I can't imagine dealing with this kind of bullshit and not at least getting a decent piece. Although, if he'd rather hang out with your uncle than you, I'd say probably not. But its good he made the very adult decision of being with you, without consulting you or telling you how he felt.

I second going, getting laid, then heading out. however, not on craigslist. Go to a bar like everyone else. At least then you get free drinks with 90% less roofies.

[Kheldarson]

I think paraphrasing "Spaceballs" would be appropriate here.

[Der Cute]

Can you see anything good for staying with him?
Are there more cons than pros if you stick with him?
What does he DO for you?

Is this just companionship with a bit of pawing tossed in, or a real relationship?

Personally, I'd find someone on Craigslist and get laid. Then change the locks, and tell Guy to bug off. Just me tho.

Cutenoob

[shankyknitter]

See I can't call us fuck-buddies since we don't do anything more physical than making out. I can't call us friends with (minor) benefits since we're not really that great of friends. It's more 'here's this person. I kiss them every so often.' and if that were my criteria for dating someone I'd be in about 10 different relationships at the moment. Most of them (oddly) with married women. But I digress. I'm removing any sort of title from it, probably before I go to Pennsic since I'd rather not just have it linger. But I leave friday and he won't be here until thursday night.