Advice or comments

[wolfie]

One possibility I haven't seen mentioned here is an "on-premises" swingers club (note that I have no personal experience with such clubs, merely recounting what I've seen in the paper).

Many such clubs allow single women (but not single men) in addition to their normal "couples" audience, and they're quite strict about enforcing rules of behaviour (i.e. "no means no", condoms mandatory). If your friend is just looking for casual sex, this might be a safer option than Craigslist.

[KiaKat]

Whiskey, chill. People get concerned over the choices their friends make. Personally I think J has some very valid concerns.

Craigslist is full of deviants. That's not to say that all of the people who post there are deviant, nor that being deviant is always bad. But Craigslist has a larger share of the Disturbed Population than bars, clubs, or other places that require a fee and a certain appearance to get in (most good bars will throw the skeevy-looking ones out, and most decent clubs have dress codes). Craigslist is about as safe as going to the park and picking someone up. You might luck out and end up with someone good, but you're just as likely to end up murdered (remember the Craigslist Killer?), drugged, or raped.

The only perspective I have to bring to this is as someone who developed a long history of deviant behaviour, then went and became a bartender. I won't go into details in public, but you see a lot from both sides of the world that way, and I can honestly say it's contributed to my dislike of people as a whole.

It's also contributed to my current preference for females (the fiance being the exception). I'm sorry guys, but based on my history, I'm a lot more likely to be concerned for my safety when I'm in a group of guys I don't know. Women are more psycho, true, but guys are more skeezy. Give me psycho any day.

Craigslist is NOT the place for most sane people to go looking for random sex. There are a lot of good people on the internet, but most of them don't go prowling the W4M section of Craigslist Personals.

That's entirely beside the point that your friend, J, is NOT acting safely. You do NOT bring the person back to your home. Ever. First meeting is ALWAYS in a public place, and then to a hotel where she can alert the front desk person if there might be a problem.

She might luck out. Or she might end up in a lot of trouble. If she's being safe about it, then you can let her be, and address the issue if it's still a problem when you plan on moving in together.

Unfortunately, she may not have thought of any of this.

[Rapscallion]

Some of this is getting too personal. I don't mean too much information, but it's getting close to outright name-calling. Please dial it back from eleven.

Rapscallion

[Der Cute]

Ok.

I'll be honest. Cover your eyes if you don't wanna read this.

I've been on CL to get some nooky. Hell, I found my honey, the guy I've been with for almost 2 years now, on CL!!

I had had a 5 year dry spell. I decided to get some. Plain and simple. I used CL, and found that the guys I chatted to weren't all bad. What my critera was this: Email a few times and get to read the emails, and the lines between them. See a pic or two of the person's face/attire, and see if I pick up any vibes (yes you can). If my stomach says No Way Jose, I politely decline and block that email from showing up.

Once I chatted to a person, I could decide to use phone and hear their voice. If I was ok with that, then we could meet in a public place. Hotel/hotel restaurant.

It wasn't beautiful, rainbows and bunnies and unicorns sex, it was get the itch taken care of sex. It worked.

I hate bars, since I dont drink. I am very bad at socializing - small talk doesn't work with me. I'm not easily able to go up to a guy and say "Hi. My name's Cutenoob, what's yours?" So I decided to get some physical stuff out of the way, with CL.

If your friend is any good at sussing out vibes on people, let her try it. Public place, public meeting, if she decides no, then she can say, "I'm sorry, this won't work." and leave.

Wallet must stay in car, btw.

Cutenoob

[Seshat]

Depending on location, for 'get the itch taken care of' sex, there may be prostitution available. If regulated, clean-premises, safer-sex-precautions legal prostitution is available; it can be a very safe way to sate the body.

[JLG]

Thanks everyone for the additional responses.

Like I said before all I want her to be is SAFE.

I don't want to judge her and I also want to understand why she is doing this because it doesn't seem like her.

I have been thinking about this for days and I just don't think she will get any self worth from having sex with random guys.

I know deep down inside she wants to meet somebody that will really like her and want to be with here on all levels. But for some reason she is going this route to find that person.

It looks like it started because she put something on her facebook about being in an emotional situation with a guy. All I want to do is be there for her and not see my best friend get hurt. I know I can't protect her from that but I can hope for it.

[Der Cute]

And I think it's noble that you're concerned about her, and keeping an eye on her activities. Strange, out of character things can be symptoms for other issues.

But honestly, I think she needs to do this herself. You can remind her "Hey, I'm concerned, and I don't want you to get hurt. I can just see you getting attached to Mr. MondayNight, and pining for him on Thursday or Friday. Are you REALLY doing this to scratch that itch?"

And once that's said, leave it be. No beating dead horses, she needs to learn something, that's why she's doing this. Be there if she needs a hug, and be her friend, but you can't be her mom/dad.

Cutenoob

[JLG]

And once that's said, leave it be. No beating dead horses, she needs to learn something, that's why she's doing this. Be there if she needs a hug, and be her friend, but you can't be her mom/dad.
Cutenoob

This is exactly what I was thinking is the best route for me to go. I will continue to be her support and best friend

[Seshat]

I think you're right that this isn't going to give her self-worth. I think you're right that this has the potential to be dangerous. I think you're a good person for not wanting her to be hurt.

But if she's going to do this despite advice to the contrary, there's nothing you can do that will stop her - all you can do is support her.

BTW: I've been to our local family planning/safer sex sort of clinic, where I am. My regular doctor at the time recommended them for IUD insertion, cause they do contraceptive stuff so often. In fact, they have two specialists just for IUDs!
I was very impressed by how professional they are, and how kind. If yours are anything like mine, you may want to make a note of where they are and what their hours are, in case she needs emergency medical support. Or preventative medical support.

They may also know where she can go for emotional assistance - they're accustomed to dealing with people who have problems they're handling in unhelpful ways.