Dating site

[Eireann]

Okay, yeah... I joined a dating site. I've had the usual would-be scammers, guys who are looking for casual sex, and one guy who sent me a whiny message asking why I don't want kids.

Well, anyway, this guy contacted me recently, and I'm not sure how to react. It's obvious that he's read my profile very thoroughly. He's made various comments on it. He's asked me if I'm going to write him back. When I wrote him back, he thanked me for it.

Is this the kind of thing that happens fairly often? I really don't know.

[Greenday]

Well, that's what I do to show women I care. I actually read their profile, then pick something and talk about it in a message.

[kibbles]

I'm always nervous about dating sites. For anyone who has had good experiences, how do you ensure that you are using the site safely? Maybe I'm just being paranoid..LOL!

[Greenday]

I'm always nervous about dating sites. For anyone who has had good experiences, how do you ensure that you are using the site safely? Maybe I'm just being paranoid..LOL!

Wait longer than one message to meet the person.

[Bandit]

Wait longer than one message to meet the person.

And talk on the phone first - preferrably many times before the first meeting.

If you're nervous about giving out your number, ask for his and call him using the *69 (or whatever your local telco has) to block your Calling Line ID so he can't trace you.

B

[Seshat]

As with another thread about romance, my major piece of advice is that there's no set rules.

The idiots and assholes, yes. They're pretty much the same. 'I wnt 2 lik u out', 'y dont u want kiz', 'u shud com liv wif me i treat u so good u cum evry day'

The real deal? The ones who are worth even considering? They vary. But they have common characteristics.

They actually read your profile.
They let you know they have, usually by commenting on some aspect of it.
They contact the people whose profiles are appropriate to their own needs, lives and desires.
They treat their contacts as people, and use courtesies such as 'please', and 'thank you'.

So yeah, I'd say your 'thank you for responding' chap is worth spending an email or two on, and seeing if you do have something in common. Maybe some phone calls.
If you don't click - oh well. Thank each other and move on.
If you do - yay!

[Eireann]

Well, right now, we're only going to be in contact online. We live on different continents.

He certainly did read my profile - he took sentences out of it, put them in his message, and responded to them. In some cases, it looks as if he was trying a bit too hard to be witty.

We do have a lot in common. It's one of those sites where they rank your compatibility. The rating here is extremely high. But that's computers, not real life. There's a guy who has been suggested to me by the site, for example. We have a high compatibility rating. He lives in the city where I live.

I know this guy (though I didn't know he was a member of the site).

And I can't stand him. He has an incredible attitude, and I have a strong suspicion that he's really gay, and trying desperately to pretend that he isn't.

So compatibility ratings aren't infallible.

[Greenday]

The one I've used said I wasn't kinky so I don't how much you can REALLY trust the numbers.

[tacohuman]

Wait longer than one message to meet the person.

exactly. i've only used a dating site once, but it was a good experience. the girl who contacted me and i emailed daily for almost a month, then talked on the phone for another couple of weeks before we met face to face. we ended up dating for about 4 months, and while things didn't work out between us, it did end amicably and i have nothing but good things to say about her.

[SubwayGirl]

I agree with Bandit, talk on the phone for awhile.

That being said, I met my husband on a dating site, moved to his home state and will be celebrating our 14th anniversary in January and now have 3 wonderful children.

Good luck!

[trailerparkmedic]

I used one of the compatability sites. Seemed to work pretty well since we're getting married next week.

He sounds like he's interested. Anyone who takes the time to actually read your profile is usually worth at least a few messages or a phone call.

As for keeping safe, what everyone else mentioned along with meeting in public for the first time or two, and letting someone know where you'll be and when they can expect to hear from you.

[Eireann]

No meetings for some time, given the geographical distance between us. As for phone calls - who knows?

I've never had a relationship with a decent man before (well, friendships, yes, but not a relationship that was supposed to be more than friendship), and I don't know how to behave in one. God.

[blas]

Avoid craigslist.

In all seriousness, screen anyone before you meet them.

[Seshat]

I've never had a relationship with a decent man before (well, friendships, yes, but not a relationship that was supposed to be more than friendship), and I don't know how to behave in one. God.

Like yourself.

Just let it develop. If all goes well, it'll develop into a strong friendship, which also happens to involve love and sensuality.

As for the sensuality side - instinct is a very good guide. If you're both enjoying it, you're doing it right.

If you choose to, however, good sex-toy stores should have some excellent books full of things that have worked for other couples, and might work to make things even more 'wow' for you two. I find anything by Dossie Eastman to be well written and at least worth reading - not everything that works for her works for me, but enough does to be worth a try!
If you choose to go into the kinkier side where there can be a risk of physical injury, Jay Wiseman's books have good 'how-to' and 'how-not-to' advice.

[Eireann]

Wow... I didn't realize I was already having a sexual relationship with him!

Seshat, you are very... how shall I say it? ... Interesting.