Holy Cr-!

[Nox]

I'm gay. HOLY CRAP. Just worked that out like two days ago. I have a boyrfriend. OH CRAP. I really care about him and don't want to hurt him, but am obviously not attracted to him because of the whole "recently realised lesbianism" thing. How the hell do I break things off with him without hurting him too badly?

We've been together for about 5 months, and we've known one another for a few months before that. I would honestly say he was the perfect guy for me if I was attracted to guys. I have always identified as bisexual, but now whatever attraction men had for me is gone. (Sorry I keep repeating that but HOLY CRAP I am still freaking out. Holy crap. WHen did that happen?)

Okay, so the TL;DR version of this ramble fest is: I have recently realised that I am a lesbian (HOLY CRAP WUT?!) and I have to end things with my boyfriend. HALP. I don't know how.

[ArcticChicken]

Tell him. The worst thing you can do right now is let it sit, it's not fair to either of you.

[Amina516]

I agree with the above.

Tell him..after that the "break up" part should be easy. Of course, I think you need a minute to let that sink into yourself...you sounds a tiny bit freaked.

[Green_Fairy]

i'm agreeing with all the above. wait til you've calmed down and come to terms with the fact (congrats on the realization, btw ^_^), and tell him. leading him on will do no one any good.
make sure to explain to him that it's reeeeeeeally not him, not his fault. some guys tend to get a complex if you tell them you prefer tacos over hot dogs. get all "omg i turned her gaaaaay" and stuff. let him know that you still care about him as a friend and it's reeeeeeeeeally not his fault.
and...good luck! let us know how it goes

[Nox]

Okay, he dropped by this afternoon and I didn't want to put it off anymore. He took it really well, and I did my best to reassure him that it was nothing he'd done. Thanks for the advice, guys; you were right, as soon as I was honest with him it was okay, and it just would have been worse if I put it off. I'm so relieved, I've been freaking out for days. Now I just have to come to terms with the fact that I am gay - wait, what?!

[Whiskey]

Try to relax! Its a huge thing, but nothing has changed about you. You're still you, but now you date chicks. Chicks aren't much different than men. Don't let anyone get in your head as to what you should or should not be doing (or how you should act).

[telecom_goddess]

We don't know if she has ever dated a woman before, despite identifying as bi. The first time being with a woman is like being a virgin all over again....and 10 times more nerve wracking.

[Whiskey]

edit: nevermind, missed a part.

[Nox]

I haven't dated a girl before, and I had only just gotten used to the idea of dating a guy. I don't know why I am freaking out so much, but I really am.

[trailerparkmedic]

You're freaking out because everything you know has flipped around, right? OMG everything is totally different!!

Deep breaths. You're still you. You just realized you have different preferences. Good luck and congrats!

[telecom_goddess]

I haven't dated a girl before, and I had only just gotten used to the idea of dating a guy. I don't know why I am freaking out so much, but I really am.

It's ok I've been there and done that before and there isn't much you can do except get through it. Know that lesbians, as a general rule, tend to hook up into relationships faster than anyone else. Meaning two dates and blam it's a relationship

Start out by going to a lesbian bar in the area, if you have one. There are also dating sites that cater to this kind of thing as well. When you're ready.

[dalesys]

... Know that lesbians, as a general rule, tend to hook up into relationships faster than anyone else. Meaning two dates and blam it's a relationship

What does a lesbian bring on a second date?

A U-Haul!


An MC at Utah Pride.


Be true to yourself and everything else will fall into place.

[fireheart]

If you're still trying to come to terms with being gay, I'd strongly recommend looking up any LGBT counselling services in the area. (if there are any) They would've dealt with this before and they can provide the best advice. If they have meetings, who knows, you might meet other gay/bi folk just like yourself.

Otherwise, I'd agree with the others. You're still you. Go out to a gay bar, enjoy yourself. If you do go to a gay bar, don't go alone.

[Nox]

I think I'm starting to freak out less now. I mean, it's not as if liking girls came out of no where, it's just liking them exclusively. Not that big a difference, right? I guess I was just freaking out at the thought of ending it with the boyfie (which went so well I don't know what I was worried about) and wondering what else I don't know about myself.

[Der Cute]

Do you know how good this is? You're learning and accepting yourself. I think it's a great thing.

I had a couple of these in my life, and wow...it's a very deep feeling "whoa. THAT'S what I am/do/think? Huh. Wow." (strange how you only have short words when you're feeling very struck/shocked by life).

You are what you are. Be PROUD you can be honest to yourself. How many people go through this world sayin "Yeah yeah I"m XYZ, I'll NEVER be an ABC" when honestly, they ARE ABC. Lot of people lie to themselves about their families, their history, their behavior. You're doing something good.

BTW. I was 25 when I figured the first "Oh Wow, WOW" out, and about 30ish when I did the 2nd one. Do NOT kick yourself for not thinking about it when you were 5 or 10. I tell people - the kids that KNOW what they're doing for a career when they're grown up - those kids are few and far between.

Cutenoob