Welcome to my life..

[roothorick]

When you figure out what to do with your Mom, PM me. My bf's parents are in desperate need of something to do with their deadbeat son who uses his Lyme Disease* as a reason to get out of doing anything.

* = not even actually diagnosed

If he really did have untreated Lyme, he wouldn't be able to get out of bed most days and would be constantly in pain. Videogames are right out. Call him out on his shit, I say.

(I'm assuming "My bf" and "their deadbeat son" are separate people of course. I hope you don't talk about your boyfriend that way...)

[stephenr]

Thanks for the advice guys. I talked to my mom and lets just say it ended odd. She yelled at me saying I didn't care about her. I am a disappointment to the family. I now have to pay a monthly rent of $150 dollars to live here and pay for gas. I will be leaving when I get hired by the golfing company full time and I have enough money saved up. At this point, I want to be gone because I can sense more sinister motives coming soon.

[Whiskey]

Honestly, while it sucks, its not a terrible deal to pay 150$ plus gas, as long as that is ALL youre giving them. If they want you to give them gas money, no dice, you pump that gas to make sure the money goes in the bank

If your mom tells you that you dont care about her, ask her why you would buy her cigarettes when it causes lung/jaw/mouth cancer among other terrible, painful, and expensive diseases. Not to mention fatal.

[Seshat]

seshat posts only true things

Thank you.

[Magpie]

Honestly, while it sucks, its not a terrible deal to pay 150$ plus gas, as long as that is ALL youre giving them. If they want you to give them gas money, no dice, you pump that gas to make sure the money goes in the bank

Most of what I wanted to say has been said here already, but this is key. It's perfectly reasonable for your parents to charge you rent, if you're out of high school and able to work. There are some circumstances where it's reasonable for them to ask you to contribute to the household expenses in general. What they are asking is NOT reasonable. Even if both your parents were working, and you were on social assistance and somehow they still needed more money, they should not be spending everything you make. Give them the $150, and if your mom asks for more, remind her that you paid rent.

[Magpie]

I'm going to have to second the "get a receipt" point. I was debating whether or not to put it in, because it is saying "I don't trust you, and I'm going to treat you like a stranger". Decide if the relationship is bad enough that you need to do that.

[protege]

Ugh. And I thought *my* parents were bad...

When things got tough years ago, they used my bank accounts as their own S&L. Nearly everything I made from the paper route, various odd jobs, summer camp, etc. was being used to pay *their* bills. At the time I was a minor, and because their names were on the account, they basically drained every cent out of it. There were checks for my own (elementary) school tuition, payments for my brothers drum lessons (!), and other things that weren't mine. All of that was justified by "well, he lives here, he owes us something." Pissed me off, since even though I *made* the money, I wasn't even allowed to spend it. Any spending was tightly controlled...since they had to sign the check. Pardon my French, but fuck that shit.

The final straw came, when I found out that my mother wrote a check for $500 on my account...to get one of their cars fixed. After that, I transferred everything to a new account, and hid the checkbook. How did she get the checkbook in the first place? Simple, she went through my bedroom (or "apartment," since I paid rent), and snooped until she found it. Again, justified by "it's my house, I'll do what I want." Did I ever see that cash again? Of course not. I was told that their repayment was being put towards "rent." Again, fuck that.

That went on until I moved out. Karma came around to bite my mother on the ass. Seems that my brothers are still living there..and neither one does jack shit around the house. Now she's complaining about having to "work all day, and then come home to more work." Telling her to make my brothers do stuff tends to fall on deaf ears. Oh well, not my problem

[Whiskey]

Your mom isnt going to write a receipt. Give that broad a money order. Walmart will cash it if she doesnt have a bank account. Oh and like protege just posted, just because you pay rent doesnt mean you get any freedom or privacy. You should, but you wont.

[MaggieTheCat]

stephenr, I mentioned your story to a friend of mine last night. She has a friend who went through something similar to you. The girl in question was 18 at the time and had gotten a scholarship to go to school. She was still living with her parents and somehow her parents got ahold of her scholarship check, cashed it, and spent the money on stuff like bills and groceries. And they felt totally justified in doing it because "We are a family, you are living here as part of this family, and we needed this money to pay bills. This was your contribution to the family." Mind you, they never told her that they needed/wanted money for anything and were not charging her rent.

She moved out shortly after that and has a munch better relationship with her parents now that she doesn't live near them.

[JLG]

Your situation sounds like something my friend is going through. We talked about it the other night when she went with me on my 2 hour drive to my brothers house.

Her parents depend on her for their living expenses. Her dad works as a cashier at a home improvement store (he got laid off from his job as manager of a floor and tile company) and her mom does not work.

My friend pays $500 in rent and helps buy groceries and other things that they need. She stays living with them because her littler sister is only 12 years old and she doesn't want her sister growing up having to worry about having not enough food to eat or needing clothes and supplies for school.

Her dad keeps telling her mom that she needs to work but her mom spends most of her time claiming to look for work or complaining about how she can't do most jobs because she is too old to learn. She has worked in the past but for 3 years was babysitting her nieces child but that ended this year when the child started school full time.

My friend told me that after rent and bills her dad only has $15 left a week for groceries. That is why my friend stays. Without her it would be rough. But with her there they know that she will help them and not leave them because of her little sister.

In two years we are moving to a different state and she told her parents they have that amount of time to figure things out because she won't be living with them to help out anymore.

Good luck and lets us know your progress.

[Talon]

Reading this thread, just... holy fuck. I have my own issues with my parents, but they would never in a million years dream of stealing from me.

After that, I transferred everything to a new account, and hid the checkbook.

So how massive a tantrum did she throw when she discovered you had firewalled her deadbeat ass?

Seems that my brothers are still living there..and neither one does jack shit around the house. Now she's complaining about having to "work all day, and then come home to more work."

What else could she expect? She leaches off the responsible one (you) while coddling the deadbeats. It's like de-evolution in action. Reap what you sow.

[Seshat]

My friend pays $500 in rent and helps buy groceries and other things that they need. She stays living with them because her littler sister is only 12 years old and she doesn't want her sister growing up having to worry about having not enough food to eat or needing clothes and supplies for school.

If she documents the situation, she may be able to get custody of her sister - if she wants to.

Or she may be able to channel funds to a trust administered by some child support agency that ensures her sister gets school supplies, uniforms and food, but the parents don't get money. In Australia, there's an organisation called the 'Smith Family' that funds school supplies & etc for children in need - they or someone like them would be approachable.

There has to be a way for your friend to support her sister but not her parents.

[JLG]

If she documents the situation, she may be able to get custody of her sister - if she wants to.
Or she may be able to channel funds to a trust administered by some child support agency that ensures her sister gets school supplies, uniforms and food, but the parents don't get money.
There has to be a way for your friend to support her sister but not her parents.

Good point. I wouldn't mind either of her sister came to live with us when we move in two years. She is a good kid and my friend is a great sister to her.

[Seshat]

Get a three bedroom apartment and move your friend and her sister out now, if you want to.

Talk with legal aid and/or whichever agency is responsible for child welfare and custody before you do anything, though. Your friend is not the legal guardian of her sister, and will need that status to be able to make arbitrary decisions like moving her away from their parents.

[stephenr]

My dad finally had enough today and gave my mom an ultimatum. Get a job or leave. He told her he wants her working by the end of the month or she can leave because all she has done is take up space while He and myself have to work in a hot warehouse for 6-8 hour days and sometimes more. He told her he is done buying her cigarettes and if she wants them, she can buy them herself. He pretty much is fed up with the same things I am. She can go work through the temp agency or get her old job back at the Pizza Place because they keep calling her cell phone asking her to come back but she keeps ignoring it.