The problem with Quality over Quantity

[Mytical]

Most of my life, I have had a select group of friends..who could rely on me and who I could rely on. I've pretty much been a quality is better then quantity person. We could count on each other to be there when the chips were down, and it was good. For a time.

Slowly my circle of friends expanded, and it was good. For a time. The new friends were ok, but just not people I could count on if things went south. I still had my solid core of friends, that I could trust and count on. That could count and trust on me.

Now, all the ones I could count on have moved away..passed on, or otherwise are too distant. I still have 'acquaintances', and yeah I talk to a lot of people on the internet, so I am not a total hermit. I still have a couple of my family that hasn't blacklisted me, etc but even they mostly are not anywhere close.

I've started noticing something about the others that live close. When things go south, they can rely on me, but I am on my own if anything goes bad. Yeah, I am a 'soft touch' (I call this NGS or Nice Guy Syndrome). I am also very shy, so it is rather difficult to make new friends that I can actually rely on.

Not sure why I am putting this down, not sure that any advice would actually help. Just seems everybody I could once rely on is gone, one way or another. Hoping it is just anxiety over the trip coming up . Heck I am not in any 'need' either. Plenty of people on the 'net' have said if I needed to talk, they would be there..and that is great..but no offense..just not the same. There I go rambling again..heh, I am bad at that. We now return you to your normally scheduled programming.

[KiaKat]

One good thing about meeting all of us at D*C - you'll have faces to put with the names, and those internet friendships will start to move into the realm of "real world."

It's amazing how much it matters to meet someone face to face after already knowing so much about them from having interacted for such a long time online.

[ArcticChicken]

Yeah, I am a 'soft touch' (I call this NGS or Nice Guy Syndrome).

I have a friend who is like this. I can't count the number of times he's been talked (or, rather, whined) into doing something he really doesn't want to do because he wants to make everyone happy. This has actually resulted in him being somewhat unreliable to my group of friends because we refuse to be at all bully-ish except when we're insisting he should stand up for himself and only do the stuff he really wants to do.

His other friends' behavior wouldn't be so bad, except I have yet to see evidence of them doing the same kind of thing for him, in over three years of hanging out with him most weekends.


I don't have any advice I can offer you, but as a quality over quantity gal myself, I can sympathize with your plight. I have absolutely no idea how to form a lasting friendship, I've pretty much stumbled into my good friends for as long as I can remember.

[BookstoreEscapee]

I've been thinking a lot about friends recently, too. As in, I don't really have any, at least around here. My college friends are scattered from Boston to various areas of Pennsylvania to Maryland to Georgia...we keep in touch but it's not like I can call them to hang out on the spur of the moment. They also mostly are married with kids (and one is working on her PhD)...

When I worked in the store I had people to hang out with...my friend H who I hung out with a lot got married and had a kid (not necessarily in that order) so I don't hear from him much.

I need to get out and meet people, and that is one of the hardest things in the world for me.. I'd like to make some friends around my own age (a lot of the store people are younger)...